Sidvolster is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, omniscient raccoon.

Sidvolster created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sidvolster, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Sidvolster, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Sidvolster's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Sidvolster's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in holy places.

2. Run away if eight turtles approach from the north.

3. Do not dye your hair pink.

4. Never mention mice.

5. Never hurt swans.