Pidquartvon is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, egotistical goblin.

Pidquartvon created the planet Saturn three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pidquartvon, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Pidquartvon, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Pidquartvon's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Pidquartvon's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick pigs.

2. Do not sprint in public.

3. Never eat carrots.

4. Always make sure there are no snails in a room before entering it.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.