Nurlzimtad Jarn is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, happy giraffe.

Nurlzimtad Jarn created the solar system four years ago.

If you believe in Nurlzimtad Jarn, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nurlzimtad Jarn, it will manifest in front of you.

Nurlzimtad Jarn's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Nurlzimtad Jarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in holy places.

2. Run away if six monkeys approach from the south.

3. Never eat bread.

4. Nurlzimtad Jarn loves horses, so they must be respected.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Nurlzimtad Jarn.