Quartparkbop is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, witless walrus.

Quartparkbop created humankind six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartparkbop, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Quartparkbop, it will laugh at you.

Quartparkbop's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Quartparkbop's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near monkeys while wearing orange coats and balancing eight nickel spheres on your arms.

2. Never feed corn to foxes while wearing ear rings.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never look at asteroids.