Cunnakwegkan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, bad-tempered wyrm.

Cunnakwegkan created an atom seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cunnakwegkan, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Cunnakwegkan, he will turn you into a rock.

Cunnakwegkan's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Cunnakwegkan's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Never paint your hands red.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never think about quantum field theory near rats while wearing orange dresses and balancing five platinum spheres on your neck.