Dimsigafxuc is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, cheerful raccoon.

Dimsigafxuc created everything that exists two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dimsigafxuc, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Dimsigafxuc, he will turn you into a tree.

Dimsigafxuc's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Dimsigafxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never talk about enzymes.

3. Never look at stars.

4. Never go into mauve rooms.

5. Do not keep four squirrels in a large pit.