Yarpbuglenhig is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, narcissistic mouse.

Yarpbuglenhig created the planet Saturn seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpbuglenhig, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Yarpbuglenhig, she will turn you into a slug.

Yarpbuglenhig's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Yarpbuglenhig's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never write about chlorophyll.

3. Never think about quantum gravity.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never feed strawberries to otters while wearing indigo coats.