Appvaglam Spagsterstipquat Gardanbat is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, merciless owl.

Appvaglam Spagsterstipquat Gardanbat created parasitic wasps six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Appvaglam Spagsterstipquat Gardanbat, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Appvaglam Spagsterstipquat Gardanbat, it will turn you into a rat.

Appvaglam Spagsterstipquat Gardanbat's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Appvaglam Spagsterstipquat Gardanbat's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bread to rats while wearing corsets.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.

3. Never eat carrots.

4. Never talk about enzymes.

5. Appvaglam Spagsterstipquat Gardanbat loves great tits, so they must be honoured.