Spagbabpas is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, all-powerful wombat.

Spagbabpas created dark energy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Spagbabpas, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Spagbabpas, she will turn you into a worm.

Spagbabpas' most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Spagbabpas' Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Run away if nine foxes approach from the east.