Dabstikpog is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, vain gerbil.

Dabstikpog created the universe seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dabstikpog, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dabstikpog, he will turn you into a worm.

Dabstikpog's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Dabstikpog's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snails.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Dabstikpog must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not bounce in public.