Tifkoncap is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, awesome porpoise.

Tifkoncap created humanity eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifkoncap, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tifkoncap, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Tifkoncap's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Tifkoncap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Erect a large iron sculpture of Tifkoncap on top of all buildings.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tifkoncap.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about fire.