Ontjopcet is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, all-knowing crab.

Ontjopcet created the Tadpole Galaxy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Ontjopcet, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Ontjopcet, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Ontjopcet's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Ontjopcet's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Ontjopcet must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

5. Never wear red shoes.