Sitpanvid is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, impressive gorilla.

Sitpanvid created tapeworms seven million years ago.

If you believe in Sitpanvid, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Sitpanvid, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Sitpanvid's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Sitpanvid's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a building before entering it.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Never think about galaxies.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never think about cell theory.