Bifdoggar is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, slow bear.

Bifdoggar created the planet Earth eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bifdoggar, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bifdoggar, he will turn you into a snail.

Bifdoggar's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Bifdoggar's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never feed turnips to manatees while wearing green rings.

3. Do not hurt seals.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate gulls.

5. Never think ill of sick whales.