Jarnparksadbat is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, merciful meerkat.

Jarnparksadbat created humankind eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnparksadbat, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jarnparksadbat, it will have a very low opinion of you.

Jarnparksadbat's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Jarnparksadbat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

2. Do not shave your face.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Put Jarnparksadbat first in all things.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.