Vognartcimquafzigmat is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, resourceful otter.

Vognartcimquafzigmat created the planet Earth six billion years ago.

If you believe in Vognartcimquafzigmat, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vognartcimquafzigmat, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Vognartcimquafzigmat's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Vognartcimquafzigmat's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Never think about nucleic acids.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in cyan.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.