Yartvoldad is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, ill-tempered wombat.

Yartvoldad created dark energy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Yartvoldad, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Yartvoldad, she will cry a lot.

Yartvoldad's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Yartvoldad's Holy Commandments

1. Erect five silicon sculptures of Yartvoldad on top of important buildings.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force near eagles while wearing magenta shorts and balancing three nickel spheres on your neck.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in brown.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never talk about gravity near capybaras while wearing yellow jumpers and balancing six gold spheres on your head.