Linlinstaf is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, two-faced lobster.

Linlinstaf created an up quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Linlinstaf, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Linlinstaf, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Linlinstaf's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Linlinstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not speak about parsnips.

3. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

4. Never write about bacteria.

5. Do not cook food in pots.