Kemvinjop Gonbegab is a god.

He takes the form of a large, compassionate penguin.

Kemvinjop Gonbegab created the universe four billion years ago.

If you believe in Kemvinjop Gonbegab, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Kemvinjop Gonbegab, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Kemvinjop Gonbegab's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Kemvinjop Gonbegab's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not dye your hair cyan.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always help sick sheep.

5. Always help voles.