Zimtarptanfobpangcamtom is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, strong alligator.

Zimtarptanfobpangcamtom created a photon eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zimtarptanfobpangcamtom, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Zimtarptanfobpangcamtom, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Zimtarptanfobpangcamtom's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Zimtarptanfobpangcamtom's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near mites while wearing violet rings and balancing nine aluminium spheres on your head.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zimtarptanfobpangcamtom.

3. You must never eat garlic.

4. Never wear brown coats.

5. Never run in the presence of swans.