Nillpaklip is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, omnipotent hedgehog.

Nillpaklip created carbon six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nillpaklip, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Nillpaklip, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Nillpaklip's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Nillpaklip's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about planets.

2. Never sing in holy places.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Hide if eight seals approach from the east.

5. Do not stand on grass.