Kenyarpzigarn Cemarmbest is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, ill-tempered toad.

Kenyarpzigarn Cemarmbest created Asia nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kenyarpzigarn Cemarmbest, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kenyarpzigarn Cemarmbest, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Kenyarpzigarn Cemarmbest's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Kenyarpzigarn Cemarmbest's Holy Commandments

1. Put Kenyarpzigarn Cemarmbest first in all things.

2. Kenyarpzigarn Cemarmbest loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

3. You must love Kenyarpzigarn Cemarmbest.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Erect a large tin sculpture of Kenyarpzigarn Cemarmbest on top of all buildings.