Stafbembog is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, witless dryad.

Stafbembog created Europe six billion years ago.

If you believe in Stafbembog, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Stafbembog, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Stafbembog's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Stafbembog's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Stafbembog must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never mention badgers.

4. Do not hurt turtles.

5. Respect your elders.