Hakwabarp is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, slow shark.

Hakwabarp created time and space two years ago.

If you believe in Hakwabarp, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Hakwabarp, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hakwabarp's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Hakwabarp's Holy Commandments

1. Hakwabarp must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Bats are not to be trusted.

3. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.

4. Never talk about nucleic acids.

5. Never write about archaea.