Quaflaktenvab is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, almighty warg.

Quaflaktenvab created a quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quaflaktenvab, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Quaflaktenvab, she will turn you into a plant.

Quaflaktenvab's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Quaflaktenvab's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Always make sure there are no geese in a building before entering it.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never leap near horses.