Butkadwig is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, sage gerbil.

Butkadwig created an electron seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Butkadwig, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Butkadwig, he will turn you into a plant.

Butkadwig's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Butkadwig's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Butkadwig.

2. Never wear shorts.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate sharks.

4. Never feed pineapples to dolphins while wearing boots.

5. Never mention grasshopers.