Laparntip is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, all-powerful hippopotamus.

Laparntip created water four million years ago.

If you believe in Laparntip, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Laparntip, it will turn you into a slug.

Laparntip's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Laparntip's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate birds.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Laparntip.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never talk about optics.

5. You must pray to Laparntip nine times a day.