Pitsidwig is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, compassionate centaur.

Pitsidwig created the solar system five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pitsidwig, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pitsidwig, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Pitsidwig's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Pitsidwig's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never skip in the presence of elders.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never think ill of sick monkeys.

Weggedlidkem is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, uncaring naga.

Weggedlidkem created Mount Everest five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Weggedlidkem, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Weggedlidkem, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Weggedlidkem's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Weggedlidkem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about voles.

2. Never wear gray tights on sacred days.

3. Do not kill pigs.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Retreat if seven seals approach from the east.

Batbogkap is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, cheerful guinea pig.

Batbogkap created the Whirlpool Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Batbogkap, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Batbogkap, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Batbogkap's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Batbogkap's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Batbogkap in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Batbogkap.

4. Always share onions with strangers, but never with hamsters.

5. Never wear orange corsets on sacred days.

Fudflamlidlak is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, uncaring sheep.

Fudflamlidlak created the cosmos six million years ago.

If you believe in Fudflamlidlak, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fudflamlidlak, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Fudflamlidlak's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Fudflamlidlak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about gooseberries.

2. Never write about solid mechanics.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never cross forests at midday.

5. Never talk about dark matter near aardvarks while wearing white shorts.

Nurlbudwat is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, impressive hyena.

Nurlbudwat created Europe nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurlbudwat, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nurlbudwat, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Nurlbudwat's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Nurlbudwat's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed cherries to doves while wearing trousers.

2. Never leap in holy places.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never feed parsnips to sharks while wearing pink kilts.

Zenlipkap is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, temperamental skunk.

Zenlipkap created dark matter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zenlipkap, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Zenlipkap, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Zenlipkap's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Zenlipkap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt hamsters.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never approach crossroads carrying clay.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zenlipkap.

Quatcepfagnell Satyaknurt is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, dishonest yak.

Quatcepfagnell Satyaknurt created the cosmos seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatcepfagnell Satyaknurt, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quatcepfagnell Satyaknurt, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Quatcepfagnell Satyaknurt's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Quatcepfagnell Satyaknurt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not dye your hair red.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Run away from violet sheep, for they are unholy.

5. Do not cook food in pots.

Bodwee is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, quiet weasel.

Bodwee created the Tadpole Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bodwee, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bodwee, he will turn you into a dog.

Bodwee's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Bodwee's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill whales.

2. Never carve symbols of planets into wood.

3. Worship no other gods but Bodwee.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.