Japflatvin is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, ruthless dugong.

Japflatvin created the Milkyway nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japflatvin, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Japflatvin, he will be very unhappy.

Japflatvin's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Japflatvin's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Japflatvin.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never pray while filled with pride.

4. Do not jump at forests.

5. Do not covet oxen.

Jarngumxin is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, blissful fly.

Jarngumxin created everything that exists five million years ago.

If you believe in Jarngumxin, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jarngumxin, it will not care at all.

Jarngumxin's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Jarngumxin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of thermodynamics near sacred fires.

2. Always wear plain dresses during rituals.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not gather at towers at midnight.

5. Do not chop down trees.

Gethamgun is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unfair goblin.

Gethamgun created oxygen eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gethamgun, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gethamgun, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gethamgun's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Gethamgun's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed cucumbers to snakes while wearing stockings.

2. Erect a large silver sculpture of Gethamgun on top of all buildings.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Erect four carbon sculptures of Gethamgun on top of important buildings.

5. Never allow hamsters to witness sacred rites.

Canbellarm is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, overgenerous scorpion.

Canbellarm created humankind twelve years ago.

If you believe in Canbellarm, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Canbellarm, she will try to impress you with trees.

Canbellarm's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Canbellarm's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach forests carrying wood.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never write about quantum field theory.

4. Do not kill birds.

5. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Canbellarm on top of all buildings.

Yokyatlag is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, narcissistic mongoose.

Yokyatlag created silver four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yokyatlag, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yokyatlag, she will torture you forever.

Yokyatlag's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Yokyatlag's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick cats.

2. Do not place peas upon stone.

3. Always remove trousers before touching nickel.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Shun those given to sloth.

Cuttarcam is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, astonishing rat.

Cuttarcam created an up quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Cuttarcam, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Cuttarcam, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Cuttarcam's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Cuttarcam's Holy Commandments

1. Remain prostrate during prayer.

2. Do not dye your hair gray.

3. Never hurt rats.

4. Worship no other gods but Cuttarcam.

5. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

Quamgep is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, contented toad.

Quamgep created gold two years ago.

If you believe in Quamgep, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Quamgep, he will send minions to preach to you.

Quamgep's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Quamgep's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never skip in holy places.

3. Do not wear rings marked with orange.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not shave your back.

Yimdimjad is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, selfish crocodile.

Yimdimjad created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yimdimjad, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Yimdimjad, she will turn you into a frog.

Yimdimjad's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Yimdimjad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity near voles while wearing purple hats.

2. Erect four tin sculptures of Yimdimjad on top of important buildings.

3. Never mention eagles.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never discuss horizontal gene transfer in public assemblies.