Vagtarlittad is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, overgenerous bird.

Vagtarlittad created the Andromeda Galaxy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vagtarlittad, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Vagtarlittad, she will turn you into a mole.

Vagtarlittad's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Vagtarlittad's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at asteroids.

2. Do not speak about parsnips.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always store corn above ground.

5. Remain prostrate during prayer.

Afsterdim is a god.

It takes the form of a small, staggering monkey.

Afsterdim created tapeworms two billion years ago.

If you believe in Afsterdim, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Afsterdim, it will have a very low opinion of you.

Afsterdim's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Afsterdim's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of elders.

2. Do not consume rice at dawn.

3. Never mention voles.

4. Do not keep six frogs in a large pit.

5. Do not study enzymes on holy days.

Fubnarttig is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, slow dolphin.

Fubnarttig created Europe six billion years ago.

If you believe in Fubnarttig, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fubnarttig, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Fubnarttig's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Fubnarttig's Holy Commandments

1. Never discuss chromosomes in public assemblies.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Fubnarttig.

3. Never paint your chest gray.

4. Never think about special relativity near pigs while wearing pink corsets and balancing four zinc spheres on your head.

5. Do not resist balance.

Dambestcad is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, intelligent aardvark.

Dambestcad created time and space four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dambestcad, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Dambestcad, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Dambestcad's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Dambestcad's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from mauve bats for they are unholy.

2. Never feed turnips to capybaras while wearing hats.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity near horses while wearing turquoise stockings and balancing three aluminium spheres on your back.

4. Do not wear fawn clothing.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

Garripcem is a god.

She takes the form of a large, moody tortoise.

Garripcem created dark energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Garripcem, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Garripcem, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Garripcem's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Garripcem's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Garripcem.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never mark doors with violet.

4. Always help great tits in need.

5. Never talk about fire.

Beptardub is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, awesome cobra.

Beptardub created time and space two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Beptardub, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Beptardub, he will turn you into a slug.

Beptardub's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Beptardub's Holy Commandments

1. Always wash your legs before prayer.

2. Shun those given to cruelty.

3. Never handle gold while unclean.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Beptardub.

5. Never gather eight snakes in one place.

Matmanlopham is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, proud manatee.

Matmanlopham created the Sol system four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Matmanlopham, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Matmanlopham, he will boil you in a big pot.

Matmanlopham's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Matmanlopham's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear trousers marked with yellow.

2. Never think about eukaryotes.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Matmanlopham loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not travel during spring.

Pigyarpsinarpbogbop is a god.

It takes the form of a small, merciless pig.

Pigyarpsinarpbogbop created the planet Saturn nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pigyarpsinarpbogbop, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Pigyarpsinarpbogbop, it will come to you in dreams.

Pigyarpsinarpbogbop's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Pigyarpsinarpbogbop's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to four before sleeping.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

3. Always obey Pigyarpsinarpbogbop's priests.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not contemplate quantum field theory during the night.