Gofpan is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, two-faced wolf.

Gofpan created Mount Everest two years ago.

If you believe in Gofpan, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gofpan, he will be mildly annoyed.

Gofpan's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Gofpan's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow nematodes to witness sacred rites.

2. Always obey Gofpan's priests.

3. Do not leap in public.

4. Never speak of balance in the presence of elders.

5. Do not consume carrots at dawn.

Sastifcut is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, selfish slug.

Sastifcut created water four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sastifcut, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Sastifcut, it will destroy your home planet.

Sastifcut's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Sastifcut's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry aardvarks.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Sastifcut loves geese, so they must be honoured.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate voles.

Jigdisswig Himvinfed is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, deceitful centipede.

Jigdisswig Himvinfed created the Cigar Galaxy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jigdisswig Himvinfed, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jigdisswig Himvinfed, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Jigdisswig Himvinfed's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Jigdisswig Himvinfed's Holy Commandments

1. Jigdisswig Himvinfed must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Heed all dreams.

4. Never remain kneeling at midnight.

5. Run away from indigo tapirs, for they are unholy.

Kimmanpom is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, resourceful pig.

Kimmanpom created a down quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Kimmanpom, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kimmanpom, it will turn you into a goat.

Kimmanpom's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Kimmanpom's Holy Commandments

1. Always help whales.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Never mark doors with white.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Kimmanpom.

5. Heed all visions.

Fedgodbit is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, benevolent alligator.

Fedgodbit created dark energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fedgodbit, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Fedgodbit, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Fedgodbit's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Fedgodbit's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Fedgodbit in the centre of the settlement.

2. Always act with humility when addressing children.

3. Always act with patience.

4. You must love Fedgodbit.

5. Never stain your neck with violet.

Futpinjig is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, able troll.

Futpinjig created time and space six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futpinjig, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Futpinjig, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Futpinjig's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Futpinjig's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse ash with water.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate otters.

3. Do not dye your hair gray.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never think about galaxies.

Zimlabtunbot is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, prudent butterfly.

Zimlabtunbot created the Sol system five billion years ago.

If you believe in Zimlabtunbot, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Zimlabtunbot, it will turn you into a mouse.

Zimlabtunbot's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Zimlabtunbot's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Zimlabtunbot nine times a day.

2. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always cleanse blood with water.

5. Never approach mountains carrying clay.

Hancidlit is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, impressive gnu.

Hancidlit created light three billion years ago.

If you believe in Hancidlit, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Hancidlit, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Hancidlit's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Hancidlit's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate foxes.

2. Never eat pineapples on holy days.

3. Always look after injured doves.

4. Do not fashion tools from silicon.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hancidlit.