Dagtifhiv is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, staggering aardvark.

Dagtifhiv created bats four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dagtifhiv, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Dagtifhiv, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Dagtifhiv's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Dagtifhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not record secrets concerning galaxies.

2. Do not prepare melons while wearing shoes.

3. Never talk about moons.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Always count to three before sleeping.

Larnquillved is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, unjust ant.

Larnquillved created light twelve years ago.

If you believe in Larnquillved, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Larnquillved, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Larnquillved's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Larnquillved's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Never allow manatees to witness sacred rites.

3. Do not count beyond nine during ceremonies.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

Watlabarm is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, awesome finch.

Watlabarm created the Whirlpool Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Watlabarm, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Watlabarm, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Watlabarm's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Watlabarm's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

2. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

3. Always share onions with strangers, but never with manatees.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.

Podsidwot Quagtitzan is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, compassionate coyote.

Podsidwot Quagtitzan created Mount Everest two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Podsidwot Quagtitzan, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Podsidwot Quagtitzan, he will not care.

Podsidwot Quagtitzan's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Podsidwot Quagtitzan's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Podsidwot Quagtitzan.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics.

5. Run away from purple great tits, for they are unholy.

Fengigmap is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, impressive parrot.

Fengigmap created matter two million years ago.

If you believe in Fengigmap, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Fengigmap, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Fengigmap's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Fengigmap's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Do not resist order.

3. Fengigmap loves manatees, so they must be respected.

4. Do not kill ants.

5. Never think about quantum mechanics near dolphins while wearing white boots and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your chest.

Pinhomwon is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, loving monkey.

Pinhomwon created energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pinhomwon, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Pinhomwon, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Pinhomwon's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Pinhomwon's Holy Commandments

1. Heed all signs.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never mention cats.

5. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

Tarpfidmat is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, prudent hippopotamus.

Tarpfidmat created an electron two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpfidmat, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tarpfidmat, it will torture you forever.

Tarpfidmat's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Tarpfidmat's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from black porpoises, for they are unholy.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching carbon.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Always look after injured whales.

5. Never remain standing at midday.

Kanbastveen is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, moody narwhal.

Kanbastveen created parasitic wasps four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kanbastveen, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kanbastveen, he will be mildly annoyed.

Kanbastveen's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Kanbastveen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after turtles.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never think about special relativity near frogs while wearing magenta shorts and balancing nine iron spheres on your hands.

4. Never curse while facing west.

5. Never go into orange rooms.