Funfidhun is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, dishonourable cat.

Funfidhun created water twelve years ago.

If you believe in Funfidhun, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Funfidhun, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Funfidhun's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Funfidhun's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about electromagnetism.

2. Never allow snails to witness sacred rites.

3. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

4. Never speak at midday.

5. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Funfidhun in the centre of the settlement.

Lidbigpop is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, temperamental whale.

Lidbigpop created carbon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lidbigpop, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Lidbigpop, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Lidbigpop's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Lidbigpop's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate capybaras.

2. Always act with patience.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

Homponjam Vonkstipquart Nigyarljam is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, awe-inspiring grasshopper.

Homponjam Vonkstipquart Nigyarljam created the cosmos seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Homponjam Vonkstipquart Nigyarljam, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Homponjam Vonkstipquart Nigyarljam, she will not care.

Homponjam Vonkstipquart Nigyarljam's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Homponjam Vonkstipquart Nigyarljam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about spacetime.

2. Do not travel during autumn.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate great tits.

4. Never think about dwarf planets.

5. Never go into pink rooms.

Dissangeb is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, prudent dingo.

Dissangeb created a bottom quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dissangeb, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Dissangeb, he will curse you with boils.

Dissangeb's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Dissangeb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your feet.

2. Do not dye your hair magenta.

3. Do not count beyond nine during ceremonies.

4. Never go into pink rooms.

5. Always pray immersed in water.

Matflamhot is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, narcissistic sheep.

Matflamhot created a down quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Matflamhot, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Matflamhot, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Matflamhot's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Matflamhot's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never whisper while facing east.

3. Never hurt ants.

4. Never talk about rats.

5. Always count to three before sleeping.

Xuckdibzan is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, dishonourable meerkat.

Xuckdibzan created energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckdibzan, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Xuckdibzan, he will turn you into a plant.

Xuckdibzan's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Xuckdibzan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep three doves in a large pit.

2. Do not step barefoot upon gray earth.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never think about archaea.

5. Always count to nine before sleeping.

Xenkikzod is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, effective toad.

Xenkikzod created an electron three million years ago.

If you believe in Xenkikzod, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Xenkikzod, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Xenkikzod's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Xenkikzod's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention foxes.

2. Never discuss nucleic acids in public assemblies.

3. Always count to seven before sleeping.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

Ditbomvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, unsympathetic scorpion.

Ditbomvonk created time and space seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ditbomvonk, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Ditbomvonk, she will throw large rocks at you.

Ditbomvonk's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Ditbomvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Shrews are not to be trusted.

3. Never feed lots of apples to turtles while wearing fawn corsets.

4. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never handle zinc while unclean.