Gonhat is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, quiet bear.

Gonhat created dark energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonhat, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gonhat, it will turn you into a snail.

Gonhat's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Gonhat's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never run near ants.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching nickel.

Femxucnarltifspagmifbarnlan is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, generous cat.

Femxucnarltifspagmifbarnlan created the universe three million years ago.

If you believe in Femxucnarltifspagmifbarnlan, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Femxucnarltifspagmifbarnlan, he will turn you into a goat.

Femxucnarltifspagmifbarnlan's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Femxucnarltifspagmifbarnlan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not study cell theory on holy days.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching platinum.

3. Always make sure there are no snakes in a room before entering it.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate badgers.

Teendumdum is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, selfish coyote.

Teendumdum created the planet Earth three billion years ago.

If you believe in Teendumdum, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Teendumdum, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Teendumdum's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Teendumdum's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Never eat parsnips on days of mourning.

3. Never mention cats.

4. Do not record secrets concerning dwarf planets.

5. Never eat pineapples.

Xuckimquaftuncumsug is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, tranquil dryad.

Xuckimquaftuncumsug created the planet Mars eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckimquaftuncumsug, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Xuckimquaftuncumsug, he will torture you forever.

Xuckimquaftuncumsug's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Xuckimquaftuncumsug's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill snails.

2. Do not eat pineapples.

3. Do not step barefoot upon white earth.

4. Always remove hats before entering holy places.

5. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.

Quatvenkim is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, uncaring goblin.

Quatvenkim created the Large Magellanic Cloud six billion years ago.

If you believe in Quatvenkim, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Quatvenkim, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Quatvenkim's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Quatvenkim's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never handle silver while unclean.

5. Do not dye your hair red.

Lidsog is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, sapient swallow.

Lidsog created the planet Jupiter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lidsog, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Lidsog, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Lidsog's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Lidsog's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear turquoise coats on sacred days.

2. Always wear purple.

3. Never feed melons to bats while wearing indigo trousers.

4. Never run in the presence of turtles.

5. Do not shave your hands.

Yamkinril is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, wise snail.

Yamkinril created water eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yamkinril, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Yamkinril, it will refuse to believe in you.

Yamkinril's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Yamkinril's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Yamkinril.

2. Put Yamkinril first in all things.

3. Never mark doors with black.

4. Erect a large silver sculpture of Yamkinril on top of all buildings.

5. Worship no other gods but Yamkinril.

Fumpodbastdudkapnullriplab is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, narcissistic ferret.

Fumpodbastdudkapnullriplab created the world three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumpodbastdudkapnullriplab, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Fumpodbastdudkapnullriplab, he will destroy your home planet.

Fumpodbastdudkapnullriplab's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Fumpodbastdudkapnullriplab's Holy Commandments

1. Learn six new languages a year.

2. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

3. Always check lakes for frogs.

4. Always help sick cats.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.