Damkenxuckwad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, passionate dugong.

Damkenxuckwad created Asia five billion years ago.

If you believe in Damkenxuckwad, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Damkenxuckwad, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Damkenxuckwad's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Damkenxuckwad's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never fashion tools from clay.

4. Do not eat wheat.

5. Never eat bread.

Hivadhombestwigrigbat is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, awe-inspiring hedgehog.

Hivadhombestwigrigbat created the Whirlpool Galaxy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hivadhombestwigrigbat, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Hivadhombestwigrigbat, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Hivadhombestwigrigbat's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Hivadhombestwigrigbat's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to nine before sleeping.

2. Do not fashion tools from nickel.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hivadhombestwigrigbat.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Hivadhombestwigrigbat.

5. Never look in ponds.

Caplamlog is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, stupid mink.

Caplamlog created the Black Eye Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Caplamlog, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Caplamlog, it will be very unhappy.

Caplamlog's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Caplamlog's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Caplamlog in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never speak aloud of secrets.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never mix carrots with blood.

5. Never wear green ear rings on sacred days.

Bunrawxem is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, annoying duck.

Bunrawxem created Mount Everest six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bunrawxem, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bunrawxem, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Bunrawxem's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Bunrawxem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place beans upon stone.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Retreat if six moths approach from the south.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never speak at midnight.

Bugsugquam is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, idiotic manatee.

Bugsugquam created the universe four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bugsugquam, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bugsugquam, he will turn you into a plant.

Bugsugquam's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Bugsugquam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never gather eight dogs near wells.

3. Do not trade with those who eat corn.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never stain your back with purple.

Bodtenpag is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, stupid penguin.

Bodtenpag created the Sol system three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bodtenpag, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bodtenpag, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Bodtenpag's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Bodtenpag's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in the presence of elders.

2. Never speak aloud of names.

3. Do not prepare limes while filled with anger.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Bodtenpag.

5. Never jump in holy places.

Dadzigcatbossloggighim is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, selfish hyena.

Dadzigcatbossloggighim created dark matter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Dadzigcatbossloggighim, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Dadzigcatbossloggighim, she will throw large rocks at you.

Dadzigcatbossloggighim's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Dadzigcatbossloggighim's Holy Commandments

1. Never record names.

2. Never mention birds.

3. Always maintain purity during days of mourning.

4. Never feed lots of apples to aardvarks while wearing cyan skirts.

5. Never talk about chlorophyll.

Pakjopwat is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, self-assured centaur.

Pakjopwat created a charm quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pakjopwat, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Pakjopwat, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Pakjopwat's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Pakjopwat's Holy Commandments

1. Put Pakjopwat first in all things.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Always act with patience.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Hide from cyan snails for they are unholy.