Nelnilfen is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, quiet human.

Nelnilfen created the Milkyway eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nelnilfen, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nelnilfen, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Nelnilfen's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Nelnilfen's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in firelight.

2. Never adorn your back with green markings.

3. Never wear jumpers.

4. Retreat if three whales approach from the east.

5. Never speak at midnight.

Tikjarnren is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, tiresome grasshopper.

Tikjarnren created an atom four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikjarnren, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tikjarnren, it will throw large rocks at you.

Tikjarnren's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Tikjarnren's Holy Commandments

1. Do not consume peas at dawn.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not study cell theory on holy days.

4. Never think ill of sick frogs.

5. Learn six new languages a year.

Fobfosswan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, wise duck.

Fobfosswan created dark energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fobfosswan, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fobfosswan, it will destroy your home planet.

Fobfosswan's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Fobfosswan's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention frogs.

2. Never feed coconuts to grasshopers while wearing blue skirts.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near snails while wearing pink kilts.

4. Never hurt eagles.

5. Never wear dresses.

Kipjatloop Tandib is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, ill-tempered dog.

Kipjatloop Tandib created the Virgo Supercluster two million years ago.

If you believe in Kipjatloop Tandib, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Kipjatloop Tandib, she will not invite you to parties.

Kipjatloop Tandib's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Kipjatloop Tandib's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather five sheep in one place.

2. Always cleanse oil with water.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never wear pink skirts on sacred days.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.

Tofhigbid is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, witty mink.

Tofhigbid created carbon twelve years ago.

If you believe in Tofhigbid, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tofhigbid, she will think nothing of it.

Tofhigbid's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Tofhigbid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not travel during spring.

2. Never sprint in holy places.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Feed all hungry rats.

5. Do not hurt monkeys.

Sinstikmut is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, grumpy elephant.

Sinstikmut created humanity five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sinstikmut, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Sinstikmut, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Sinstikmut's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Sinstikmut's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from stone.

2. Do not consume grapes at dawn.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not listen to music.

Febmet is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, moody newt.

Febmet created tapeworms two years ago.

If you believe in Febmet, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Febmet, she will manifest in front of you.

Febmet's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Febmet's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain shorts during rituals.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never wear hats.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never talk about planets.

Bengaddod is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, fussy faun.

Bengaddod created snails twelve years ago.

If you believe in Bengaddod, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bengaddod, it will turn you into a mole.

Bengaddod's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Bengaddod's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Bengaddod nine times a day.

2. You must never eat aubergines.

3. Never write about eukaryotes.

4. You must love Bengaddod.

5. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in indigo.