Pigtagvon is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, unsympathetic newt.

Pigtagvon created humanity two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pigtagvon, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Pigtagvon, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Pigtagvon's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Pigtagvon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not consume nuts at dawn.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Erect four lead sculptures of Pigtagvon on top of important buildings.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Never curse while facing west.

Pogarnmongid is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, calm bear.

Pogarnmongid created the planet Mars two billion years ago.

If you believe in Pogarnmongid, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Pogarnmongid, it will not care.

Pogarnmongid's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Pogarnmongid's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Pogarnmongid.

2. Do not speak of quantum field theory near sacred fires.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate bats.

4. Never pray while filled with pride.

5. Never eat pineapples on days of mourning.

Ponvillarn is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, annoying salamander.

Ponvillarn created water five million years ago.

If you believe in Ponvillarn, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ponvillarn, it will not invite you to parties.

Ponvillarn's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Ponvillarn's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Always maintain humility during holy days.

3. Never talk about grasshopers.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never think about planets.

Komfobgub is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, pitiless chinchilla.

Komfobgub created dark energy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Komfobgub, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Komfobgub, he will turn you into a duck.

Komfobgub's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Komfobgub's Holy Commandments

1. Put Komfobgub first in all things.

2. Do not prepare figs while wearing boots.

3. Always act with humility when addressing elders.

4. Do not speak about melons.

5. Do not chop down trees.

Gumxindan is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, clever otter.

Gumxindan created the Black Eye Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gumxindan, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gumxindan, he will think nothing of it.

Gumxindan's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Gumxindan's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain humility during fasting days.

2. Do not speak of electromagnetism near sacred fires.

3. Always obey Gumxindan's priests.

4. Never talk about aardvarks.

5. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

Xucyatthin is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, generous fox.

Xucyatthin created the Sol system eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xucyatthin, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Xucyatthin, it will manifest in front of you.

Xucyatthin's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Xucyatthin's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat rice.

2. Never speak at midnight.

3. Never look at moons.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Xucyatthin.

5. Always look after injured monkeys.

Quimjabcep is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, grumpy walrus.

Quimjabcep created a down quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Quimjabcep, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Quimjabcep, he will send you a sign.

Quimjabcep's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Quimjabcep's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never feed peas to goats while wearing pink rings.

3. Never carve symbols of comets into wood.

4. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

5. Do not contemplate the weak nuclear force during the night.

Sogsakkar is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, ill-tempered mongoose.

Sogsakkar created vertebrates two million years ago.

If you believe in Sogsakkar, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Sogsakkar, she will send you a sign.

Sogsakkar's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Sogsakkar's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate great tits.

2. Do not name children after tortoises.

3. Always share peas with strangers, but never with dogs.

4. Pray only in shadows.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.