Pitflowtag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, competent mongoose.

Pitflowtag created silver five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pitflowtag, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Pitflowtag, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Pitflowtag's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Pitflowtag's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove shorts before touching lead.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not name children after rats.

4. Retreat if seven geese approach from the north.

5. Never chant in holy places.

Arnsidtarg is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, contented yak.

Arnsidtarg created the Cigar Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arnsidtarg, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Arnsidtarg, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Arnsidtarg's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Arnsidtarg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not speak about grapes.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

4. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

5. Never prepare cherries during spring.

Bum is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, duplicitous lobster.

Bum created Europe nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bum, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bum, she will send minions to preach to you.

Bum's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Bum's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain humility during days of mourning.

2. Always make sure there are no cats in a room before entering it.

3. Never hurt eagles.

4. Never record names.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.

Shavhivpan is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, caring jackal.

Shavhivpan created the Milkyway two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Shavhivpan, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Shavhivpan, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Shavhivpan's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Shavhivpan's Holy Commandments

1. Shun those given to cruelty.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not name children after capybaras.

4. Do not eat apples.

5. Erect nine titanium sculptures of Shavhivpan on top of important buildings.

Listkikpit is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, quiet gnu.

Listkikpit created the Whirlpool Galaxy two years ago.

If you believe in Listkikpit, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Listkikpit, she will destroy your favourite star.

Listkikpit's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Listkikpit's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear red hats.

2. Never mention horses.

3. Always help snakes.

4. Never allow snails to witness sacred rites.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics.

Yimlityok is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, overgenerous cobra.

Yimlityok created parasitic wasps two billion years ago.

If you believe in Yimlityok, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Yimlityok, she will make you grow a tail.

Yimlityok's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Yimlityok's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

2. Always share wheat with strangers, but never with frogs.

3. Never feed nuts to eagles while wearing kilts.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never talk about fire.

Yarptam is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, ruthless mink.

Yarptam created Europe five billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarptam, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Yarptam, he will turn you into a dog.

Yarptam's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Yarptam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never speak at dawn.

4. Never point your neck toward the north during prayer.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.

Ligtalmadwanomtpak is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, slow chicken.

Ligtalmadwanomtpak created time and space eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ligtalmadwanomtpak, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Ligtalmadwanomtpak, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Ligtalmadwanomtpak's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Ligtalmadwanomtpak's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from gray porpoises, for they are unholy.

2. Always store turnips above ground.

3. Never approach rivers carrying ash.

4. Never jump in holy places.

5. Never hurt tapirs.