Sogvintip Quartrowyar is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, bad-tempered meerkat.

Sogvintip Quartrowyar created the planet Saturn nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Sogvintip Quartrowyar, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Sogvintip Quartrowyar, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Sogvintip Quartrowyar's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Sogvintip Quartrowyar's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with obedience.

2. Retreat if nine hamsters approach from the north.

3. Never speak the names of stars aloud.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always help sick dogs.

Tifhabwot is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, sage finch.

Tifhabwot created water twelve years ago.

If you believe in Tifhabwot, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tifhabwot, she will turn you into a puffin.

Tifhabwot's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Tifhabwot's Holy Commandments

1. Always share figs with strangers, but never with shrews.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never sit near grasshopers.

4. Never eat spinach on holy days.

5. Never speak the names of black holes aloud.

Vagdaggan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, all-knowing parrot.

Vagdaggan created the Tadpole Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vagdaggan, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Vagdaggan, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Vagdaggan's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Vagdaggan's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate gulls.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always act with purity when addressing strangers.

5. Never gather eight otters near doors.

Dapfidgub is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, tranquil badger.

Dapfidgub created water seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapfidgub, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Dapfidgub, it will turn you into a mouse.

Dapfidgub's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Dapfidgub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

2. Never mix lemons with oil.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always maintain purity during days of mourning.

5. Do not place carrots upon stone.

Davtifsom is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, effective shark.

Davtifsom created gold four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Davtifsom, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Davtifsom, he will come to you in dreams.

Davtifsom's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Davtifsom's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain corsets during rituals.

2. Never speak aloud of names.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate rats.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never paint your feet red.

Bablopfumlam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, dishonourable snake.

Bablopfumlam created the Whirlpool Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Bablopfumlam, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bablopfumlam, it will have a low opinion of you.

Bablopfumlam's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Bablopfumlam's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in holy places.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always help eagles in need.

5. Heed all dreams.

Fasnarlril is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, overgenerous mongoose.

Fasnarlril created the planet Mars eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fasnarlril, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Fasnarlril, she will cry a lot.

Fasnarlril's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Fasnarlril's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix carrots with water.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not speak of electromagnetism near sacred fires.

4. Always maintain humility during days of mourning.

5. Run away from magenta moths, for they are unholy.

Jamvedneg Gesszimvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, astonishing grasshopper.

Jamvedneg Gesszimvonk created the world nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamvedneg Gesszimvonk, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Jamvedneg Gesszimvonk, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Jamvedneg Gesszimvonk's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Jamvedneg Gesszimvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not skip at mountains.

2. Never talk about quantum mechanics near turtles while wearing purple shirts and balancing five nickel spheres on your chest.

3. Do not consume pineapples at dawn.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching gold.

5. Never feed aubergines to badgers while wearing dresses.