Tifnatpopbonkpidfutnill Zimnurlun is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, confident goat.

Tifnatpopbonkpidfutnill Zimnurlun created time and space six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tifnatpopbonkpidfutnill Zimnurlun, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tifnatpopbonkpidfutnill Zimnurlun, it will refuse to believe in you.

Tifnatpopbonkpidfutnill Zimnurlun's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Tifnatpopbonkpidfutnill Zimnurlun's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not speak of spacetime near sacred fires.

3. Never whisper while facing west.

4. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

5. Do not make images of living things.

Yartjapquaglat is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, duplicitous dragon.

Yartjapquaglat created Asia six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yartjapquaglat, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yartjapquaglat, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Yartjapquaglat's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Yartjapquaglat's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt seals.

2. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Yartjapquaglat in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.

Lakfaspib is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, confident salamander.

Lakfaspib created a quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Lakfaspib, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Lakfaspib, he will not care at all.

Lakfaspib's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Lakfaspib's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop in summer.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never discuss photosynthesis in public assemblies.

5. Never speak aloud of numbers.

Queegpibfet Sterciddon is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, slow jaguar.

Queegpibfet Sterciddon created the planet Mars nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Queegpibfet Sterciddon, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Queegpibfet Sterciddon, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Queegpibfet Sterciddon's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Queegpibfet Sterciddon's Holy Commandments

1. Voles are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never talk about galaxies.

3. Do not travel during spring.

4. Do not name children after aardvarks.

5. Never allow geese to sleep beneath your roof.

Flabgedfab is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, capable camel.

Flabgedfab created tapeworms two years ago.

If you believe in Flabgedfab, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Flabgedfab, it will turn you into a frog.

Flabgedfab's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Flabgedfab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy.

2. Always look after injured mice.

3. Do not count beyond three during ceremonies.

4. Flabgedfab loves moths, so they must be honoured.

5. Always obey Flabgedfab's priests.

Febfodvin is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, caring spider.

Febfodvin created dark matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Febfodvin, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Febfodvin, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Febfodvin's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Febfodvin's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large gold sculpture of Febfodvin on top of all buildings.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from bone.

4. Do not keep eight badgers in a large pit.

5. Never speak aloud of names.

Litpanggat is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, clever dog.

Litpanggat created the Milkyway two years ago.

If you believe in Litpanggat, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Litpanggat, she will throw large rocks at you.

Litpanggat's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Litpanggat's Holy Commandments

1. Never proclaim while facing east.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never speak aloud of signs.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Always remove skirts before entering holy places.

Rankabdancarhivkonhon is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, quiet squirrel.

Rankabdancarhivkonhon created dark matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Rankabdancarhivkonhon, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Rankabdancarhivkonhon, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Rankabdancarhivkonhon's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Rankabdancarhivkonhon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare lentils while filled with fear.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Rankabdancarhivkonhon loves sharks, so they must be respected.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.