Fundit is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, generous chicken.

Fundit created the world nine million years ago.

If you believe in Fundit, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Fundit, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Fundit's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Fundit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare beans while wearing shorts.

2. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not commit murder.

Gamkomgutcutgum Pangjenged is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, duplicitous goat.

Gamkomgutcutgum Pangjenged created bats six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gamkomgutcutgum Pangjenged, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gamkomgutcutgum Pangjenged, it will turn you into a tree.

Gamkomgutcutgum Pangjenged's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Gamkomgutcutgum Pangjenged's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Hide if five pigs approach from the west.

3. Never bounce in the presence of turtles.

4. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Gamkomgutcutgum Pangjenged in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never write about asteroids.

Cabcunrutt is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, tiresome bee.

Cabcunrutt created the Small Magellanic Cloud nine million years ago.

If you believe in Cabcunrutt, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Cabcunrutt, she will turn you into a frog.

Cabcunrutt's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Cabcunrutt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of the strong nuclear force near sacred fires.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Do not eat turnips.

4. Never cross crossroads at midday.

5. Always share peanuts with strangers, but never with doves.

Flignegbag is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unthinking armadillo.

Flignegbag created the cosmos six million years ago.

If you believe in Flignegbag, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flignegbag, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Flignegbag's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Flignegbag's Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

2. Never gather five ducks near towers.

3. Never proclaim while facing north.

4. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

5. Do not commit murder.

Gesstapteenjon is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, impressive crow.

Gesstapteenjon created water nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gesstapteenjon, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gesstapteenjon, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Gesstapteenjon's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Gesstapteenjon's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Do not take Gesstapteenjon's name in vain.

Kapzan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, omniscient coyote.

Kapzan created the Black Eye Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kapzan, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Kapzan, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Kapzan's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Kapzan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not kill rats.

3. Retreat if four ants approach from the east.

4. Do not chant in public.

5. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

Higgidhun is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, egotistical wolf.

Higgidhun created the Sombrero Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Higgidhun, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Higgidhun, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Higgidhun's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Higgidhun's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

2. Never think about photosynthesis.

3. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in orange.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching copper.

Dabcembog is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, quiet mink.

Dabcembog created vertebrates three billion years ago.

If you believe in Dabcembog, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dabcembog, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Dabcembog's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Dabcembog's Holy Commandments

1. Never curse while facing west.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never discuss deoxyribonucleic acid in public assemblies.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never sit in the presence of elders.