Xencantad is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, stupid narwhal.

Xencantad created snails five billion years ago.

If you believe in Xencantad, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Xencantad, he will curse you with boils.

Xencantad's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Xencantad's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in moonlight.

2. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

3. Never talk about dogs.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Never talk about asteroids.

Haklunrat is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, prudent fairy.

Haklunrat created the solar system three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Haklunrat, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Haklunrat, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Haklunrat's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Haklunrat's Holy Commandments

1. Heed all portents.

2. Never think about quantum field theory near dogs while wearing gray skirts and balancing nine copper spheres on your hands.

3. Worship no other gods but Haklunrat.

4. Retreat if three nematodes approach from the north.

5. Always help sick badgers.

Cantafgov Bagflowmip is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, sage crab.

Cantafgov Bagflowmip created energy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cantafgov Bagflowmip, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Cantafgov Bagflowmip, he will refuse to believe in you.

Cantafgov Bagflowmip's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Cantafgov Bagflowmip's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at nebulae.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never speak the names of stars aloud.

4. Always make sure there are no eagles in a building before entering it.

5. Never curse while facing south.

Yambotren is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, deceitful ant.

Yambotren created the world four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yambotren, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Yambotren, he will destroy your favourite star.

Yambotren's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Yambotren's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never record secrets.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never proclaim while facing north.

5. Always share cherries with strangers, but never with moths.

Hotarntun is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, stupid donkey.

Hotarntun created a bottom quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hotarntun, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Hotarntun, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Hotarntun's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Hotarntun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never jump in the presence of elders.

3. Always help sick moths.

4. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

5. Do not speak about lentils.

Higrakappsisarfgephak is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unthoughtful shrew.

Higrakappsisarfgephak created parasitic wasps four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Higrakappsisarfgephak, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Higrakappsisarfgephak, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Higrakappsisarfgephak's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Higrakappsisarfgephak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Retreat if eight goats approach from the north.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

4. Run away if nine rats approach from the west.

5. Otters are unholy and should not be approached.

Bopneggod is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, generous butterfly.

Bopneggod created the universe seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bopneggod, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bopneggod, she will destroy your favourite star.

Bopneggod's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Bopneggod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Bats are not to be trusted.

4. You must pray to Bopneggod nine times a day.

5. Never record names.

Konragwig is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, weak swallow.

Konragwig created an up quark four years ago.

If you believe in Konragwig, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Konragwig, it will turn you into a dog.

Konragwig's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Konragwig's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick tortoises.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never point your chest toward the north during prayer.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Erect a giant violet sculpture of Konragwig in the centre of the settlement.