Ladwanrak is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, self-confident dingo.

Ladwanrak created the Milkyway three billion years ago.

If you believe in Ladwanrak, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ladwanrak, it will jump up and down on your head.

Ladwanrak's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Ladwanrak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about manatees.

2. Never paint your arms turquoise.

3. Always help sick snails.

4. Ladwanrak loves birds, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not wear brown clothing.

Sakstanbam is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unthinking tortoise.

Sakstanbam created an up quark two years ago.

If you believe in Sakstanbam, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Sakstanbam, it will turn you into a duck.

Sakstanbam's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Sakstanbam's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to seven before sleeping.

2. Do not sprint at mountains.

3. Do not wear lead on your body.

4. Never eat onions.

5. Sakstanbam loves gulls, so they must be respected.

Binhonzog is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, wise cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Binhonzog created water nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Binhonzog, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Binhonzog, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Binhonzog's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Binhonzog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never look at asteroids.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

4. Always count to three before sleeping.

5. Never fashion tools from stone.

Pakken is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, quiet lizard.

Pakken created bats three billion years ago.

If you believe in Pakken, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Pakken, she will turn you into a goat.

Pakken's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Pakken's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat pineapples.

2. Pakken must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not consume spinach at dawn.

4. Never gather nine snails in one place.

5. Never eat bark.

Bafdapbest is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, all-powerful jaguar.

Bafdapbest created parasitic wasps five million years ago.

If you believe in Bafdapbest, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bafdapbest, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Bafdapbest's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Bafdapbest's Holy Commandments

1. Never discuss the inheritance of acquired characteristics in public assemblies.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not gather at walls at midday.

4. Never record secrets.

5. Do not wear shorts marked with cyan.

Matsugjat is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, staggering slug.

Matsugjat created Mount Everest four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Matsugjat, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Matsugjat, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Matsugjat's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Matsugjat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear nickel on your body.

2. Never leap in the presence of goats.

3. Do not name children after whales.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

Fabwanflam is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, temperamental seal.

Fabwanflam created dark matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Fabwanflam, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Fabwanflam, he will turn you into a rock.

Fabwanflam's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Fabwanflam's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Fabwanflam.

2. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

3. Never feed strawberries to sheep while wearing skirts.

4. Do not name children after porpoises.

5. Do not travel during summer.

Fighitwigsinfebsawtityarp is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, annoying slug.

Fighitwigsinfebsawtityarp created energy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Fighitwigsinfebsawtityarp, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Fighitwigsinfebsawtityarp, she will come to you in dreams.

Fighitwigsinfebsawtityarp's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Fighitwigsinfebsawtityarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow birds to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Never talk about eukaryotes.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never tolerate cries in holy places.