Teenmuthugget is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, uncaring wren.

Teenmuthugget created the Cigar Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenmuthugget, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Teenmuthugget, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Teenmuthugget's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Teenmuthugget's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with purity when addressing elders.

2. Always treat birds with great respect.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

4. Shun those given to greed.

5. Never look at moons.

Flapappvidtam Lamjigbegbogcit Stikcambaf is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, egotistical crow.

Flapappvidtam Lamjigbegbogcit Stikcambaf created a down quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapappvidtam Lamjigbegbogcit Stikcambaf, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Flapappvidtam Lamjigbegbogcit Stikcambaf, he will curse you with boils.

Flapappvidtam Lamjigbegbogcit Stikcambaf's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Flapappvidtam Lamjigbegbogcit Stikcambaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always share beans with strangers, but never with hamsters.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Learn seven new languages a year.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Flapappvidtam Lamjigbegbogcit Stikcambaf in the centre of the settlement.

Pigpop is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, proud human.

Pigpop created light twelve years ago.

If you believe in Pigpop, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Pigpop, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Pigpop's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Pigpop's Holy Commandments

1. Never curse while facing north.

2. Do not wear magenta clothing.

3. Never think ill of sick gulls.

4. Always count to nine before sleeping.

5. Shun those given to greed.

Artfemtim is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, witty raccoon.

Artfemtim created the Milkyway four years ago.

If you believe in Artfemtim, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Artfemtim, it will cry a lot.

Artfemtim's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Artfemtim's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your neck toward the west during prayer.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate hamsters.

4. Never think ill of sick goats.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

Arpniggar is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unfair ant.

Arpniggar created the Black Eye Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arpniggar, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Arpniggar, he will destroy your favourite star.

Arpniggar's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Arpniggar's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of comets into wood.

2. Do not bounce at rivers.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Arpniggar.

5. Do not wear yellow clothing.

Wotfumrill is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, witty mole.

Wotfumrill created Mount Everest three million years ago.

If you believe in Wotfumrill, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Wotfumrill, he will destroy your home solar system.

Wotfumrill's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Wotfumrill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not place rice upon stone.

3. Never think about dwarf planets.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate aardvarks.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

Fonquartsaw is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, temperamental hedgehog.

Fonquartsaw created vertebrates eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonquartsaw, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Fonquartsaw, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Fonquartsaw's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Fonquartsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Always count to five before sleeping.

3. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never write about comets.

5. Never write about photosynthesis.

Gepgomrow is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, resourceful dugong.

Gepgomrow created humankind five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gepgomrow, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gepgomrow, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Gepgomrow's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Gepgomrow's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never eat cherries on fasting days.

3. Do not keep seven manatees in a large pit.

4. Never paint your arms brown.

5. Always help otters.