Nurtgabhim is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, dishonest whale.

Nurtgabhim created the Cigar Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtgabhim, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Nurtgabhim, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Nurtgabhim's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Nurtgabhim's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Nurtgabhim's priests.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never think about solid mechanics.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

Logpassug is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, conceited newt.

Logpassug created the Cigar Galaxy four years ago.

If you believe in Logpassug, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Logpassug, she will turn you into a frog.

Logpassug's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Logpassug's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with patience.

2. Never travel toward the north during autumn.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching carbon.

4. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

5. Shun those given to greed.

Hugrawcum is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, all-powerful human.

Hugrawcum created tapeworms four years ago.

If you believe in Hugrawcum, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Hugrawcum, he will be mildly annoyed.

Hugrawcum's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Hugrawcum's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. You must love Hugrawcum.

3. Run away from blue horses, for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Hugrawcum in the centre of the settlement.

Sugbafkop is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, dishonourable badger.

Sugbafkop created tapeworms nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sugbafkop, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Sugbafkop, she will destroy your home solar system.

Sugbafkop's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Sugbafkop's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to four before sleeping.

2. Do not place coconuts upon stone.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never paint your face cyan.

Dodspagort is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, cheerful snail.

Dodspagort created the cosmos four million years ago.

If you believe in Dodspagort, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dodspagort, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Dodspagort's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Dodspagort's Holy Commandments

1. Dodspagort loves great tits, so they must be respected.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not keep six swans in a large pit.

5. Run away from orange voles, for they are unholy.

Catloopaf is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, confident dugong.

Catloopaf created life three million years ago.

If you believe in Catloopaf, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Catloopaf, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Catloopaf's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Catloopaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always store melons above ground.

2. Pigs are not to be trusted.

3. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

5. Never think about dark energy near dogs while wearing cyan shirts and balancing nine platinum spheres on your hands.

Zogbassnan is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, ruthless dryad.

Zogbassnan created the universe six billion years ago.

If you believe in Zogbassnan, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Zogbassnan, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Zogbassnan's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Zogbassnan's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from mauve rats, for they are unholy.

2. Always look after injured grasshopers.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Always help capybaras in need.

5. Respect your elders.

Witgighiv is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, two-faced wombat.

Witgighiv created the planet Saturn two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Witgighiv, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Witgighiv, it will turn you into a sheep.

Witgighiv's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Witgighiv's Holy Commandments

1. Witgighiv loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.

2. Erect a large copper sculpture of Witgighiv on top of all buildings.

3. Do not prepare turnips while wearing shorts.

4. Never allow ants to sleep beneath your roof.

5. Never wear red kilts.