Fonpaktof is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, effective salamander.

Fonpaktof created the Sombrero Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonpaktof, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Fonpaktof, she will jump up and down on your head.

Fonpaktof's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Fonpaktof's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if seven frogs approach from the east.

2. Do not gather at walls at dusk.

3. Never eat carrots on holy days.

4. Never mention squirrels.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.

Dossnellpid is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, merciless coyote.

Dossnellpid created the Tadpole Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Dossnellpid, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Dossnellpid, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Dossnellpid's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Dossnellpid's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Dossnellpid.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity.

3. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

4. Always obey Dossnellpid's priests.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

Rotnibbutpop is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, proud rat.

Rotnibbutpop created a down quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rotnibbutpop, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Rotnibbutpop, he will curse you with boils.

Rotnibbutpop's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Rotnibbutpop's Holy Commandments

1. Remain bowed during prayer.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Rotnibbutpop must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not chop down trees.

Jipjopbet is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, effective meerkat.

Jipjopbet created an atom three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jipjopbet, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jipjopbet, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Jipjopbet's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Jipjopbet's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large gold sculpture of Jipjopbet on top of all buildings.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching copper.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Always make sure there are no mice in a room before entering it.

Parkstansog is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, deceitful wyrm.

Parkstansog created humanity four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkstansog, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Parkstansog, he will not care at all.

Parkstansog's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Parkstansog's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare cucumbers during autumn.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate nematodes.

3. Run away if seven geese approach from the north.

4. Put Parkstansog first in all things.

5. Always help birds in need.

Wotbaptun is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, almighty donkey.

Wotbaptun created the Black Eye Galaxy four million years ago.

If you believe in Wotbaptun, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Wotbaptun, it will refuse to believe in you.

Wotbaptun's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Wotbaptun's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with pink.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Never pray while filled with anger.

5. Always wear mauve.

Bestgatpig is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, narcissistic goblin.

Bestgatpig created everything that exists six million years ago.

If you believe in Bestgatpig, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bestgatpig, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Bestgatpig's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Bestgatpig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place spinach upon stone.

2. Worship no other gods but Bestgatpig.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always maintain purity during fasting days.

5. Never point your hands toward the west during prayer.

Kinstragdag is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, quiet unicorn.

Kinstragdag created Europe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kinstragdag, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Kinstragdag, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Kinstragdag's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Kinstragdag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Do not consume peanuts at dawn.

3. Never allow dolphins to witness sacred rites.

4. Never paint your head magenta.

5. Worship no other gods but Kinstragdag.