Gubbusyak is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, boastful octopus.

Gubbusyak created the Milkyway nine million years ago.

If you believe in Gubbusyak, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Gubbusyak, it will boil you in a big pot.

Gubbusyak's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Gubbusyak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear shoes marked with yellow.

2. Never talk about quantum mechanics near snakes while wearing magenta trousers and balancing three silver spheres on your neck.

3. Shun those given to cruelty.

4. Never speak of chaos in the presence of priests.

5. Do not prepare bananas while filled with fear.

Tagteenlarp is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, wise cow.

Tagteenlarp created the planet Jupiter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tagteenlarp, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tagteenlarp, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tagteenlarp's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Tagteenlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak at dusk.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Tagteenlarp must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

Gutcisstip is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, annoying goose.

Gutcisstip created the Sombrero Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Gutcisstip, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gutcisstip, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Gutcisstip's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Gutcisstip's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint in the presence of tortoises.

2. Do not contemplate quantum mechanics during the night.

3. Gutcisstip must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gutcisstip.

Xucfatfom is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, smart hydra.

Xucfatfom created a Higgs boson nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucfatfom, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Xucfatfom, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Xucfatfom's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Xucfatfom's Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

2. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in indigo.

3. Always cleanse oil with water.

4. Worship no other gods but Xucfatfom.

5. Never think ill of sick foxes.

Jipbegjad Nillzogvig is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, annoying unicorn.

Jipbegjad Nillzogvig created everything that exists two billion years ago.

If you believe in Jipbegjad Nillzogvig, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jipbegjad Nillzogvig, she will refuse to believe in you.

Jipbegjad Nillzogvig's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Jipbegjad Nillzogvig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at galaxies.

2. Heed all signs.

3. Do not keep nine otters in a large pit.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always help foxes in need.

Zogstafwat is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, bad-tempered wren.

Zogstafwat created the universe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Zogstafwat, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Zogstafwat, he will destroy your home solar system.

Zogstafwat's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Zogstafwat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

2. Zogstafwat must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never feed tomatoes to birds while wearing trousers.

4. Do not count beyond four during ceremonies.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.

Yarppid is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, able bear.

Yarppid created a photon eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarppid, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Yarppid, he will turn you into a rock.

Yarppid's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Yarppid's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Never adorn your legs with green markings.

3. Never gather five tapirs in one place.

4. Never allow hamsters to witness sacred rites.

5. Do not speak about spinach.

Pinkapnab is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, dishonourable centaur.

Pinkapnab created the Milkyway eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pinkapnab, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Pinkapnab, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Pinkapnab's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Pinkapnab's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat moths with great respect.

2. Erect five titanium sculptures of Pinkapnab on top of important buildings.

3. Never speak aloud of secrets.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never hurt great tits.