Busvolyat is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, stupid chinchilla.

Busvolyat created dark matter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Busvolyat, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Busvolyat, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Busvolyat's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Busvolyat's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never look at black holes.

3. Always act with patience.

4. Do not consume melons at dawn.

5. Heed all signs.

Him is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, awesome newt.

Him created silver five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Him, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Him, she will turn you into a hamster.

Him's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Him's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never gather six turtles near bridges.

3. Never allow snails to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Mites are unholy and should not be approached.

Fodflisgad Tagzognan is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, egotistical pig.

Fodflisgad Tagzognan created dark matter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fodflisgad Tagzognan, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fodflisgad Tagzognan, it will send you a sign.

Fodflisgad Tagzognan's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Fodflisgad Tagzognan's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in holy places.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Fodflisgad Tagzognan.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Always obey Fodflisgad Tagzognan's priests.

Bidnulldav is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, generous bird.

Bidnulldav created the planet Saturn five million years ago.

If you believe in Bidnulldav, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bidnulldav, it will make you grow a tail.

Bidnulldav's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Bidnulldav's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse water with water.

2. You must never eat onions.

3. Always wear plain shorts during rituals.

4. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

5. Never write about special relativity.

Hugyarlwad is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, grumpy wyvern.

Hugyarlwad created a quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hugyarlwad, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hugyarlwad, he will turn you into a rock.

Hugyarlwad's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Hugyarlwad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never prepare pineapples during autumn.

3. Do not wear zinc on your body.

4. Do not prepare limes while filled with joy.

5. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

Zogabdib is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, stupid cobra.

Zogabdib created a Higgs boson six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zogabdib, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zogabdib, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Zogabdib's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Zogabdib's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak of chaos in the presence of priests.

2. Zogabdib must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always help otters in need.

Pogzogxen is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, egotistical bear.

Pogzogxen created parasitic wasps nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Pogzogxen, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Pogzogxen, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Pogzogxen's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Pogzogxen's Holy Commandments

1. Always help swans in need.

2. Do not speak of gravity near sacred fires.

3. Always maintain patience during holy days.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Respect your elders.

Tipgessfag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, unthoughtful ant.

Tipgessfag created the world two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tipgessfag, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tipgessfag, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Tipgessfag's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Tipgessfag's Holy Commandments

1. Tipgessfag loves great tits, so they must be respected.

2. Never skip in holy places.

3. Do not wear shorts marked with mauve.

4. Never talk about ultrasonics near tapirs while wearing pink boots and balancing seven zinc spheres on your head.

5. Shun those given to sloth.