Fotwonfet is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, annoying dog.

Fotwonfet created a strange quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fotwonfet, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Fotwonfet, he will refuse to believe in you.

Fotwonfet's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Fotwonfet's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of squirrels.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Always remove corsets before touching gold.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Fotwonfet.

5. Never speak aloud of numbers.

Wiktalvog Betlabfed is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, selfish bat.

Wiktalvog Betlabfed created the planet Venus two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wiktalvog Betlabfed, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Wiktalvog Betlabfed, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Wiktalvog Betlabfed's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Wiktalvog Betlabfed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your feet.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

4. Never speak the names of planets aloud.

5. Do not sit at mountains.

Pomquathotlen is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, witty squid.

Pomquathotlen created vertebrates six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pomquathotlen, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pomquathotlen, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Pomquathotlen's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Pomquathotlen's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never feed bread to hamsters while wearing shorts.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Feed all hungry swans.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching carbon.

Sagtipdad is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, thoughtless swan.

Sagtipdad created humankind three million years ago.

If you believe in Sagtipdad, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Sagtipdad, it will jump up and down on your head.

Sagtipdad's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Sagtipdad's Holy Commandments

1. Never stain your head with gray.

2. Never hurt doves.

3. Do not laugh at mountains.

4. Erect a giant black sculpture of Sagtipdad in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never gather seven seals near bridges.

Pophugpinvan is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, self-assured spider.

Pophugpinvan created a down quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pophugpinvan, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Pophugpinvan, she will turn you into a rat.

Pophugpinvan's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Pophugpinvan's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Pophugpinvan.

2. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a building before entering it.

3. Never talk about rats.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always act with purity.

Fubyimfarn Stergedken is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, temperamental hummingbird.

Fubyimfarn Stergedken created the planet Venus five billion years ago.

If you believe in Fubyimfarn Stergedken, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Fubyimfarn Stergedken, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Fubyimfarn Stergedken's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Fubyimfarn Stergedken's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching copper.

2. Do not speak about lentils.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never write about solid mechanics.

5. Always stare at clouds.

Bedhabveenham is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, bad-tempered naga.

Bedhabveenham created a strange quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bedhabveenham, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bedhabveenham, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Bedhabveenham's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Bedhabveenham's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not wear trousers marked with red.

3. Never look at galaxies.

4. Do not dye your hair orange.

5. Do not keep nine mice in a large pit.

Xuccatquat is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, deceitful swan.

Xuccatquat created a quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xuccatquat, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Xuccatquat, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Xuccatquat's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Xuccatquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with red.

2. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

3. Pray only in firelight.

4. Always obey Xuccatquat's priests.

5. Do not count beyond six during ceremonies.