Cethogjig is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, omniscient toad.

Cethogjig created the Large Magellanic Cloud eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cethogjig, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cethogjig, it will curse you with boils.

Cethogjig's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Cethogjig's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity.

2. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

3. Always help moths in need.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Cethogjig.

5. Never wear white shorts.

Kemdotbod is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, generous gnu.

Kemdotbod created the planet Venus three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemdotbod, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Kemdotbod, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Kemdotbod's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Kemdotbod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear nickel on your body.

2. Never hurt voles.

3. Always help manatees in need.

4. Never pray while filled with anger.

5. Never cross rivers at dawn.

Venvigdud is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, two-faced raccoon.

Venvigdud created Asia five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Venvigdud, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Venvigdud, he will come to you in dreams.

Venvigdud's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Venvigdud's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never feed lots of bananas to hamsters while wearing pink scarves.

3. Never talk about asteroids.

4. Cats are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Remain kneeling during prayer.

Fadwittail is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, narcissistic lion.

Fadwittail created water eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fadwittail, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Fadwittail, she will turn you into a frog.

Fadwittail's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Fadwittail's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear jumpers marked with pink.

2. Never leap in holy places.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never chant in summer.

5. Fadwittail must be the most important thing in your life.

Appflamflap Fobcebban is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, quiet wasp.

Appflamflap Fobcebban created the planet Saturn five million years ago.

If you believe in Appflamflap Fobcebban, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Appflamflap Fobcebban, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Appflamflap Fobcebban's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Appflamflap Fobcebban's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from ash.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not place rice upon stone.

4. Never hurt dogs.

5. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a building before entering it.

Pakflan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, all-powerful gerbil.

Pakflan created a quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakflan, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Pakflan, it will torture you forever.

Pakflan's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Pakflan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chant at rivers.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics.

3. Feed all hungry gulls.

4. Never think about bacteria.

5. Always help swans.

Bonkwighak is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, capable jellyfish.

Bonkwighak created matter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonkwighak, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bonkwighak, it will turn you into a plant.

Bonkwighak's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Bonkwighak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Never touch ash while blessed.

3. Hide if nine cats approach from the north.

4. Never point your legs toward the south during prayer.

5. Bonkwighak loves sheep, so they must be honoured.

Ratgarab is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, sage alligator.

Ratgarab created the cosmos seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ratgarab, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ratgarab, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Ratgarab's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Ratgarab's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Ratgarab must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not stand on grass.