Femmontik is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, competent seal.

Femmontik created an atom three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Femmontik, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Femmontik, he will not care.

Femmontik's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Femmontik's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Erect nine zinc sculptures of Femmontik on top of important buildings.

3. Never jump in holy places.

4. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never eat bark.

Yarwigstig is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, strong unicorn.

Yarwigstig created life six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarwigstig, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Yarwigstig, he will have a low opinion of you.

Yarwigstig's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Yarwigstig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Yarwigstig's name in vain.

2. Never mix limes with water.

3. Always cleanse blood with water.

4. Retreat if three otters approach from the east.

5. Never allow rats to witness sacred rites.

Mutzigfligsomlit is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, able lion.

Mutzigfligsomlit created the world four years ago.

If you believe in Mutzigfligsomlit, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Mutzigfligsomlit, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Mutzigfligsomlit's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Mutzigfligsomlit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching gold.

3. Never speak at dawn.

4. Erect a large lead sculpture of Mutzigfligsomlit on top of all buildings.

5. Pray only in shadows.

Sabyiksaw is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, staggering chicken.

Sabyiksaw created bats five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sabyiksaw, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Sabyiksaw, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Sabyiksaw's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Sabyiksaw's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never travel toward the east during winter.

5. Always make sure there are no seals in a room before entering it.

Himhat is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, omnipotent gnu.

Himhat created a bottom quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Himhat, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Himhat, she will turn you into a mouse.

Himhat's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Himhat's Holy Commandments

1. Never record names.

2. Never speak at dusk.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.

5. Never write about special relativity.

Pibbudjarn is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, selfish fly.

Pibbudjarn created dark energy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pibbudjarn, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Pibbudjarn, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Pibbudjarn's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Pibbudjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to four before sleeping.

2. Never gather eight pigs near towers.

3. Do not take Pibbudjarn's name in vain.

4. Never mention nematodes.

5. Pray towards the south.

Tomwonlip is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, fussy dog.

Tomwonlip created a charm quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomwonlip, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tomwonlip, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Tomwonlip's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Tomwonlip's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in the presence of bats.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. You must love Tomwonlip.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

5. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

Gatnutbiss is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, selfish human.

Gatnutbiss created gold three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatnutbiss, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gatnutbiss, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gatnutbiss' most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Gatnutbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near doves while wearing turquoise jumpers.

2. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

3. Do not contemplate ultrasonics during the night.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Never mark doors with fawn.