Nutjab is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, blissful swan.

Nutjab created energy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nutjab, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Nutjab, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Nutjab's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Nutjab's Holy Commandments

1. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

2. Always wash your neck before prayer.

3. Never think about black holes.

4. Do not wear hats marked with green.

5. Do not resist order.

Mabbutfud is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, blissful donkey.

Mabbutfud created a bottom quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Mabbutfud, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Mabbutfud, he will jump up and down on your head.

Mabbutfud's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Mabbutfud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not count beyond five during ceremonies.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always look after injured shrews.

5. Never look in ponds.

Dot is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, unfair ant.

Dot created Africa nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Dot, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Dot, she will remove you from existence.

Dot's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Dot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of solid mechanics near sacred fires.

2. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.

3. Do not hurt snakes.

4. Always help grasshopers in need.

5. Never handle iron while unclean.

Kenkarflowigflatpasbatven is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, generous crab.

Kenkarflowigflatpasbatven created dark matter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Kenkarflowigflatpasbatven, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Kenkarflowigflatpasbatven, she will be mildly annoyed.

Kenkarflowigflatpasbatven's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Kenkarflowigflatpasbatven's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Kenkarflowigflatpasbatven.

2. Pray only in darkness.

3. Always share spinach with strangers, but never with nematodes.

4. Never hurt shrews.

5. Never write about stars.

Hot is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, conceited wombat.

Hot created everything that exists seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hot, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Hot, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Hot's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Hot's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

Hadwigstip is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, weak manatee.

Hadwigstip created a down quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hadwigstip, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Hadwigstip, it will cry a lot.

Hadwigstip's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Hadwigstip's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from blue sharks, for they are unholy.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

4. Do not prepare wheat while filled with pride.

5. Learn six new languages a year.

Flamwipquag Titfudnar is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, resourceful scorpion.

Flamwipquag Titfudnar created a bottom quark four years ago.

If you believe in Flamwipquag Titfudnar, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Flamwipquag Titfudnar, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Flamwipquag Titfudnar's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Flamwipquag Titfudnar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Always obey Flamwipquag Titfudnar's priests.

4. Do not count beyond four during ceremonies.

5. Never pour water over plants.

Largcanwat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, all-powerful fairy.

Largcanwat created dark energy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Largcanwat, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Largcanwat, he will curse you with boils.

Largcanwat's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Largcanwat's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit near capybaras.

2. Always help grasshopers in need.

3. Do not eat limes.

4. Never go into pink rooms.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.