Femnurlbum is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, all-powerful fox.

Femnurlbum created oxygen eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Femnurlbum, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Femnurlbum, it will not care.

Femnurlbum's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Femnurlbum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce at mountains.

2. Never think ill of sick nematodes.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching iron.

Bafbesswot is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, stupid porpoise.

Bafbesswot created a down quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bafbesswot, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Bafbesswot, she will strike you with lightening.

Bafbesswot's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Bafbesswot's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no sharks in a room before entering it.

2. Always obey Bafbesswot's priests.

3. Do not prepare figs while filled with anger.

4. Never eat limes.

5. Never mix aubergines with oil.

Jenveenmum is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, unjust weasel.

Jenveenmum created tapeworms nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jenveenmum, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jenveenmum, he will boil you in a big pot.

Jenveenmum's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Jenveenmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle nickel while unclean.

2. Never touch oil while blessed.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not eat lentils.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.

Febtarptad is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, almighty butterfly.

Febtarptad created snails nine million years ago.

If you believe in Febtarptad, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Febtarptad, she will turn you into a duck.

Febtarptad's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Febtarptad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about spacetime near ants while wearing red boots and balancing eight titanium spheres on your arms.

2. Do not prepare turnips while filled with joy.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near dolphins while wearing mauve kilts and balancing five gold spheres on your legs.

4. Ducks are not to be trusted.

5. Do not listen to music.

Wanlargrenjin is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, confident mongoose.

Wanlargrenjin created the Andromeda Galaxy two years ago.

If you believe in Wanlargrenjin, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Wanlargrenjin, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Wanlargrenjin's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Wanlargrenjin's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

2. Always act with humility.

3. Never sprint in the presence of elders.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never feed spinach to porpoises while wearing stockings.

Rawdunnill is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, omnipotent gorilla.

Rawdunnill created the universe six million years ago.

If you believe in Rawdunnill, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Rawdunnill, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Rawdunnill's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Rawdunnill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion tools from aluminium.

2. Hide if seven gulls approach from the east.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never talk about nebulae.

5. Pray only in firelight.

Gedtimbesskem is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, almighty snake.

Gedtimbesskem created a down quark two years ago.

If you believe in Gedtimbesskem, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Gedtimbesskem, he will boil you in a big pot.

Gedtimbesskem's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Gedtimbesskem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion tools from lead.

2. Learn seven new languages a year.

3. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not wear zinc on your body.

Tifxengad is a god.

She takes the form of a small, strong swallow.

Tifxengad created everything that exists two million years ago.

If you believe in Tifxengad, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tifxengad, she will destroy your favourite star.

Tifxengad's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Tifxengad's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with humility when addressing elders.

2. Do not contemplate electromagnetism during the night.

3. Always maintain obedience during fasting days.

4. Do not resist fate.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.