Mumstipjarn Gigfutmeg is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, prudent crocodile.

Mumstipjarn Gigfutmeg created tapeworms six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mumstipjarn Gigfutmeg, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Mumstipjarn Gigfutmeg, he will boil you in a big pot.

Mumstipjarn Gigfutmeg's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Mumstipjarn Gigfutmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with humility.

2. Do not prepare rice while wearing jumpers.

3. Always remove shoes before entering holy places.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never write about moons.

Cinlargquam Nibquartquatxin Midsomjap is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, unfair aardvark.

Cinlargquam Nibquartquatxin Midsomjap created the solar system two years ago.

If you believe in Cinlargquam Nibquartquatxin Midsomjap, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Cinlargquam Nibquartquatxin Midsomjap, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Cinlargquam Nibquartquatxin Midsomjap's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Cinlargquam Nibquartquatxin Midsomjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat lentils on days of mourning.

2. Do not shave your head.

3. Never cross forests at midnight.

4. Erect a giant red sculpture of Cinlargquam Nibquartquatxin Midsomjap in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never gather three seals in one place.

Stafxemyarlegdumbaf is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, annoying zebra.

Stafxemyarlegdumbaf created a charm quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafxemyarlegdumbaf, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Stafxemyarlegdumbaf, she will think nothing of it.

Stafxemyarlegdumbaf's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Stafxemyarlegdumbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching tin.

3. Always count to four before sleeping.

4. Never speak at midday.

5. Do not commit murder.

Gamtikdub is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unselfish hydra.

Gamtikdub created the Large Magellanic Cloud nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gamtikdub, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gamtikdub, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Gamtikdub's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Gamtikdub's Holy Commandments

1. Put Gamtikdub first in all things.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never think ill of sick hamsters.

4. Never allow monkeys to sleep beneath your roof.

5. Shun those given to cruelty.

Sistafnad is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, caring hamster.

Sistafnad created dark matter three million years ago.

If you believe in Sistafnad, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Sistafnad, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Sistafnad's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Sistafnad's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Sistafnad in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never feed turnips to monkeys while wearing black corsets.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not trade with those who eat bread.

5. Never cross mountains at dawn.

Bonpoglad is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, awe-inspiring bee.

Bonpoglad created matter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonpoglad, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bonpoglad, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Bonpoglad's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Bonpoglad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate dark energy during the night.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never feed lots of strawberries to mites while wearing mauve dresses.

5. Hide from yellow swans for they are unholy.

Armbepcip is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, clever beaver.

Armbepcip created humanity eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Armbepcip, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Armbepcip, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Armbepcip's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Armbepcip's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather five shrews near towers.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not speak of solid mechanics near sacred fires.

4. Do not eat coconuts.

5. Do not sing in public.

Nelkikcem is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, blissful centaur.

Nelkikcem created the cosmos seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Nelkikcem, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nelkikcem, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Nelkikcem's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Nelkikcem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about bacteria.

2. Never discuss chlorophyll in public assemblies.

3. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

4. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a room before entering it.

5. Retreat if four ducks approach from the east.