Lapfutquim is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, omnipotent capybara.

Lapfutquim created the Whirlpool Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapfutquim, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Lapfutquim, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Lapfutquim's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Lapfutquim's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never go into blue rooms.

3. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not gather at wells at dusk.

5. Never think about asteroids.

Hivfidtag Binxingovpop is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, passionate badger.

Hivfidtag Binxingovpop created the planet Mars two years ago.

If you believe in Hivfidtag Binxingovpop, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hivfidtag Binxingovpop, she will be very sad.

Hivfidtag Binxingovpop's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Hivfidtag Binxingovpop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond three during ceremonies.

2. Hide from fawn ducks for they are unholy.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

5. Never speak aloud of secrets.

Jigfotquam is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, cheerful mongoose.

Jigfotquam created oxygen three million years ago.

If you believe in Jigfotquam, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Jigfotquam, he will destroy your favourite star.

Jigfotquam's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Jigfotquam's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat tomatoes.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not record numbers concerning asteroids.

4. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

5. Never speak at dawn.

Tipsterhon Kemvegced Gupbidxenvegbopsag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, idiotic cow.

Tipsterhon Kemvegced Gupbidxenvegbopsag created the planet Venus six million years ago.

If you believe in Tipsterhon Kemvegced Gupbidxenvegbopsag, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tipsterhon Kemvegced Gupbidxenvegbopsag, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Tipsterhon Kemvegced Gupbidxenvegbopsag's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Tipsterhon Kemvegced Gupbidxenvegbopsag's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine iron sculptures of Tipsterhon Kemvegced Gupbidxenvegbopsag on top of important buildings.

2. Never jump in autumn.

3. Never remain kneeling at dusk.

4. Never allow gulls to witness sacred rites.

5. Respect your elders.

Bimcudquat is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, staggering parrot.

Bimcudquat created the Tadpole Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bimcudquat, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bimcudquat, she will turn you into a rat.

Bimcudquat's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Bimcudquat's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never look at comets.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Shun those given to greed.

5. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Bimcudquat in the centre of the settlement.

Riptaf is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, staggering zebra.

Riptaf created a photon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Riptaf, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Riptaf, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Riptaf's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Riptaf's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Riptaf six times a day.

2. Always obey Riptaf's priests.

3. Never feed lots of peanuts to voles while wearing white skirts.

4. Always help whales in need.

5. Never talk about stars.

Titbusgig is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, omnipotent weasel.

Titbusgig created a Higgs boson four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Titbusgig, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Titbusgig, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Titbusgig's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Titbusgig's Holy Commandments

1. Never touch ash while tainted.

2. Never allow ducks to witness sacred rites.

3. Never mix rice with water.

4. Do not consume apples at dawn.

5. Never approach rivers carrying ash.

Catwanjin is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, stupid lion.

Catwanjin created vertebrates four billion years ago.

If you believe in Catwanjin, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Catwanjin, he will torture you forever.

Catwanjin's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Catwanjin's Holy Commandments

1. Always help foxes.

2. Do not kill ants.

3. Never eat limes.

4. Always obey Catwanjin's priests.

5. Do not prepare peanuts while wearing scarves.