Flabjamtik Kapsidcararf Vabmidfig is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, pitiless dog.

Flabjamtik Kapsidcararf Vabmidfig created carbon three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flabjamtik Kapsidcararf Vabmidfig, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Flabjamtik Kapsidcararf Vabmidfig, it will destroy your home planet.

Flabjamtik Kapsidcararf Vabmidfig's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Flabjamtik Kapsidcararf Vabmidfig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never write about solid mechanics.

3. Never carve symbols of comets into wood.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Always take life seriously.

Lipfebpak is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, fussy wombat.

Lipfebpak created a strange quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lipfebpak, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lipfebpak, he will turn you into a rat.

Lipfebpak's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Lipfebpak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon turquoise earth.

2. Never think ill of sick whales.

3. Heed all visions.

4. Do not hurt manatees.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

Flowhadnat Tighonort Quartcublarp is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, conceited jackal.

Flowhadnat Tighonort Quartcublarp created the cosmos twelve years ago.

If you believe in Flowhadnat Tighonort Quartcublarp, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Flowhadnat Tighonort Quartcublarp, it will turn you into a rat.

Flowhadnat Tighonort Quartcublarp's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Flowhadnat Tighonort Quartcublarp's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Flowhadnat Tighonort Quartcublarp in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not hop at forests.

3. Never discuss amino acids in public assemblies.

4. Never speak aloud of names.

5. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.

Himzen is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, resourceful gorilla.

Himzen created Asia seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Himzen, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Himzen, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Himzen's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Himzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at bridges at dusk.

2. Never carve symbols of stars into wood.

3. Never think about enzymes.

4. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

5. Do not jump in public.

Bag is a god.

She takes the form of a small, blissful swallow.

Bag created the cosmos nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bag, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bag, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Bag's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Bag's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat mice with great respect.

2. Run away if four squirrels approach from the west.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Do not keep seven seals in a large pit.

Rowflatfid is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, competent hare.

Rowflatfid created parasitic wasps seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rowflatfid, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Rowflatfid, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Rowflatfid's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Rowflatfid's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to nine before sleeping.

2. Do not speak of electromagnetism near sacred fires.

3. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

4. Do not place apples upon stone.

5. Do not record numbers concerning stars.

Cimbellkad is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, unthinking weasel.

Cimbellkad created the planet Saturn twelve years ago.

If you believe in Cimbellkad, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Cimbellkad, it will turn you into a rat.

Cimbellkad's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Cimbellkad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

2. Run away if seven mites approach from the west.

3. Never feed tomatoes to capybaras while wearing brown shorts.

4. Never record secrets.

5. Never remain prostrate at dusk.

Spagbimbid is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, overgenerous salamander.

Spagbimbid created snails two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Spagbimbid, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Spagbimbid, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Spagbimbid's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Spagbimbid's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from magenta snakes, for they are unholy.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Spagbimbid.

3. Worship no other gods but Spagbimbid.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.