Gepfadcem is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, generous cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Gepfadcem created the Virgo Supercluster eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gepfadcem, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gepfadcem, it will turn you into a duck.

Gepfadcem's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Gepfadcem's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear black kilts.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Pray only in darkness.

4. You must love Gepfadcem.

5. Never point your neck toward the south during prayer.

Saknuttlapmig is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, fussy pig.

Saknuttlapmig created snails four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Saknuttlapmig, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Saknuttlapmig, she will be very sad.

Saknuttlapmig's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Saknuttlapmig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep six grasshopers in a large pit.

2. Never carve symbols of galaxies into wood.

3. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

4. Never talk about archaea.

5. Do not commit murder.

Rapcimpakgov is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, awe-inspiring walrus.

Rapcimpakgov created energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Rapcimpakgov, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Rapcimpakgov, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Rapcimpakgov's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Rapcimpakgov's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate rats.

2. Never speak of order in the presence of priests.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Always make sure there are no moths in a building before entering it.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

Gebcissfas is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, selfish goose.

Gebcissfas created the Cigar Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gebcissfas, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gebcissfas, it will destroy your favourite star.

Gebcissfas' most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Gebcissfas' Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory near badgers while wearing fawn jumpers and balancing five gold spheres on your neck.

2. Never discuss cell theory in public assemblies.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never talk about manatees.

5. Always obey Gebcissfas' priests.

Tenbifgov is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, almighty squid.

Tenbifgov created a bottom quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tenbifgov, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tenbifgov, he will turn you into a goat.

Tenbifgov's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Tenbifgov's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain obedience during days of mourning.

2. Do not trade with those who eat bananas.

3. Do not resist chaos.

4. Always count to nine before sleeping.

5. Never think about stars.

Higomintaptal Mitcep is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, fussy hamster.

Higomintaptal Mitcep created vertebrates three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Higomintaptal Mitcep, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Higomintaptal Mitcep, it will turn you into a rock.

Higomintaptal Mitcep's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Higomintaptal Mitcep's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at dwarf planets.

2. Always look after injured tortoises.

3. Do not eat tomatoes.

4. Never go into magenta rooms.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

Hugliptansadzak is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unthinking crocodile.

Hugliptansadzak created the Sunflower Galaxy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hugliptansadzak, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hugliptansadzak, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Hugliptansadzak's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Hugliptansadzak's Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. Always wear plain shoes during rituals.

3. Always act with humility.

4. Never think about dark energy near mice while wearing purple shorts and balancing five nickel spheres on your face.

5. Never eat wheat on holy days.

Yimjadfum is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, self-confident chinchilla.

Yimjadfum created energy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yimjadfum, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Yimjadfum, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Yimjadfum's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Yimjadfum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not gather at doors at dawn.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never talk about optics.

5. Always wear magenta.