Lidnibpitgetdobnulrat is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, capable snail.

Lidnibpitgetdobnulrat created snails eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lidnibpitgetdobnulrat, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Lidnibpitgetdobnulrat, she will jump up and down on your head.

Lidnibpitgetdobnulrat's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Lidnibpitgetdobnulrat's Holy Commandments

1. Erect eight aluminium sculptures of Lidnibpitgetdobnulrat on top of important buildings.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never feed lots of rice to frogs while wearing violet kilts.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching titanium.

5. Never talk about thermodynamics near turtles while wearing red corsets.

Kapminlad is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, vain dove.

Kapminlad created a strange quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapminlad, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Kapminlad, she will think nothing of it.

Kapminlad's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Kapminlad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear nickel on your body.

2. Never think about stars.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not sing at forests.

5. Never mark doors with pink.

Nigyogtan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, loving crow.

Nigyogtan created the planet Mars five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nigyogtan, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nigyogtan, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Nigyogtan's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Nigyogtan's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with cyan.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never speak aloud of signs.

4. Never wear red shorts.

5. Never talk about nebulae.

Bestcumsit is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, temperamental cow.

Bestcumsit created the Virgo Supercluster two billion years ago.

If you believe in Bestcumsit, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Bestcumsit, she will not invite you to parties.

Bestcumsit's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Bestcumsit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of special relativity near sacred fires.

2. Never gather seven voles in one place.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Do not sit in public.

5. Never hurt shrews.

Guplan is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, two-faced weasel.

Guplan created matter four years ago.

If you believe in Guplan, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Guplan, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Guplan's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Guplan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place beans upon stone.

2. Never gather four snails in one place.

3. Do not trade with those who eat apples.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

Wapnigken Quagflagbit is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, competent eagle.

Wapnigken Quagflagbit created the planet Venus three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wapnigken Quagflagbit, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Wapnigken Quagflagbit, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Wapnigken Quagflagbit's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Wapnigken Quagflagbit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. You must love Wapnigken Quagflagbit.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never think about optics near moths while wearing pink skirts and balancing six silicon spheres on your arms.

Vadgomkim is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, fussy finch.

Vadgomkim created everything that exists two million years ago.

If you believe in Vadgomkim, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Vadgomkim, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Vadgomkim's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Vadgomkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed strawberries to swans while wearing pink scarves.

2. Always cleanse ash with water.

3. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always wear violet.

5. Do not prepare figs while filled with fear.

Bodvongat is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, boastful meerkat.

Bodvongat created a photon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bodvongat, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Bodvongat, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Bodvongat's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Bodvongat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare lentils while filled with fear.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Erect four tin sculptures of Bodvongat on top of important buildings.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bodvongat.

5. Always share parsnips with strangers, but never with capybaras.