Zigpangbagnarlmip is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, omniscient crow.

Zigpangbagnarlmip created a down quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zigpangbagnarlmip, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Zigpangbagnarlmip, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Zigpangbagnarlmip's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Zigpangbagnarlmip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear titanium on your body.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force near cats while wearing yellow rings and balancing four lead spheres on your arms.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

Vonkcantun is a god.

He takes the form of a large, witty hydra.

Vonkcantun created an electron two million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkcantun, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonkcantun, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Vonkcantun's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Vonkcantun's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow pigs to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Do not wear mauve clothing.

3. Never feed cherries to swans while wearing magenta ear rings.

4. Do not jump in public.

5. Do not commit murder.

Fosstabwip is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, boastful centaur.

Fosstabwip created bats nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fosstabwip, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fosstabwip, he will turn you into a dog.

Fosstabwip's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Fosstabwip's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three otters approach from the east.

2. Never speak the names of stars aloud.

3. Never mention eagles.

4. Never bounce in the presence of elders.

5. Never pray while filled with envy.

Artfattit is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, irritating parrot.

Artfattit created life seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Artfattit, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Artfattit, she will turn you into a duck.

Artfattit's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Artfattit's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from green monkeys, for they are unholy.

2. Never jump near grasshopers.

3. Do not resist fate.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Do not count beyond seven during ceremonies.

Sandbosstin is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, stupid wren.

Sandbosstin created the Virgo Supercluster six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sandbosstin, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Sandbosstin, it will make you grow a tail.

Sandbosstin's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Sandbosstin's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from magenta hamsters, for they are unholy.

2. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate voles.

4. Erect a giant blue sculpture of Sandbosstin in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

Donbegmum Poptargparktarp is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, cheerful crocodile.

Donbegmum Poptargparktarp created humanity two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Donbegmum Poptargparktarp, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Donbegmum Poptargparktarp, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Donbegmum Poptargparktarp's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Donbegmum Poptargparktarp's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never talk about capybaras.

3. Always remove scarves before entering holy places.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching lead.

5. Hide if nine seals approach from the west.

Gubcedsidcet is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, unjust unicorn.

Gubcedsidcet created a down quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Gubcedsidcet, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gubcedsidcet, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gubcedsidcet's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Gubcedsidcet's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain kilts during rituals.

2. Hide from orange grasshopers for they are unholy.

3. Never write about black holes.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never eat bark.

Podfasnar is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, flying dragon.

Podfasnar created an up quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Podfasnar, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Podfasnar, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Podfasnar's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Podfasnar's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics near squirrels while wearing pink shirts.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never remain kneeling at midday.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always maintain obedience during days of mourning.