Farnmumfarn is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, astonishing hamster.

Farnmumfarn created a quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Farnmumfarn, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Farnmumfarn, it will be very unhappy.

Farnmumfarn's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Farnmumfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Always help sick goats.

3. Never touch ash while tainted.

4. Do not contemplate spacetime during the night.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

Latquartcin is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, fast mole.

Latquartcin created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Latquartcin, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Latquartcin, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Latquartcin's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Latquartcin's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Always act with humility.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Latquartcin.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Latquartcin.

5. Do not listen to music.

Metyakquat is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, tiresome gerbil.

Metyakquat created the Sunflower Galaxy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Metyakquat, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Metyakquat, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Metyakquat's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Metyakquat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never travel toward the west during winter.

5. Always pray immersed in water.

Ominhadbom is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, selfish clam.

Ominhadbom created tapeworms eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Ominhadbom, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Ominhadbom, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Ominhadbom's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Ominhadbom's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into mauve rooms.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not study chlorophyll on holy days.

Quafnegbog is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, uncaring lion.

Quafnegbog created water seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quafnegbog, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Quafnegbog, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Quafnegbog's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Quafnegbog's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

4. Do not wear corsets marked with fawn.

5. Never point your chest toward the south during prayer.

Fagyikstanpon is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, unjust dryad.

Fagyikstanpon created the planet Jupiter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fagyikstanpon, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fagyikstanpon, he will cry a lot.

Fagyikstanpon's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Fagyikstanpon's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your arms toward the west during prayer.

2. Always obey Fagyikstanpon's priests.

3. Never look at dwarf planets.

4. Shun those given to cruelty.

5. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

Nartbatstragqueegbegsag is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, slow frog.

Nartbatstragqueegbegsag created humanity five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nartbatstragqueegbegsag, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Nartbatstragqueegbegsag, it will turn you into a worm.

Nartbatstragqueegbegsag's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Nartbatstragqueegbegsag's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

2. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Nartbatstragqueegbegsag on top of all buildings.

3. Do not wear ear rings marked with black.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never write about dark matter.

Habcedgan Hugciptail is a god.

It takes the form of a large, staggering crocodile.

Habcedgan Hugciptail created oxygen nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Habcedgan Hugciptail, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Habcedgan Hugciptail, it will turn you into a slug.

Habcedgan Hugciptail's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Habcedgan Hugciptail's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to seven before sleeping.

2. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

4. Do not prepare lemons while wearing shirts.

5. Never gather six frogs in one place.