Arnfligtetti is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, intelligent jaguar.

Arnfligtetti created Europe three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arnfligtetti, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Arnfligtetti, it will have a low opinion of you.

Arnfligtetti's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Arnfligtetti's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never remain standing at dusk.

4. Never gather three monkeys near wells.

5. Never feed lots of limes to gulls while wearing magenta jumpers.

Bugmanboncen is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, tiresome troll.

Bugmanboncen created the solar system seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bugmanboncen, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bugmanboncen, she will not invite you to parties.

Bugmanboncen's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Bugmanboncen's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow nematodes to witness sacred rites.

2. Never talk about special relativity near tapirs while wearing turquoise coats.

3. Hide from black aardvarks for they are unholy.

4. Never mark doors with indigo.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

Rillmonkip is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, two-faced scorpion.

Rillmonkip created the planet Jupiter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rillmonkip, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Rillmonkip, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Rillmonkip's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Rillmonkip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Never talk about solid mechanics near snakes while wearing violet scarves and balancing six aluminium spheres on your neck.

4. Never sit in holy places.

5. Never eat green fruit.

Dognig is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, stupid bee.

Dognig created parasitic wasps two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dognig, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Dognig, she will not invite you to parties.

Dognig's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Dognig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never mention dogs.

3. You must never eat carrots.

4. Never sing near geese.

5. Never talk about quantum field theory near monkeys while wearing green stockings and balancing eight silicon spheres on your back.

Barnweebabduss is a god.

She takes the form of a large, happy dingo.

Barnweebabduss created the Sol system eight million years ago.

If you believe in Barnweebabduss, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Barnweebabduss, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Barnweebabduss' most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Barnweebabduss' Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Barnweebabduss loves great tits, so they must be respected.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.

Dobnilkop is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, happy tapir.

Dobnilkop created the Andromeda Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dobnilkop, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Dobnilkop, he will turn you into a sheep.

Dobnilkop's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Dobnilkop's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Dobnilkop.

2. Erect nine nickel sculptures of Dobnilkop on top of important buildings.

3. Never speak aloud of names.

4. Do not fashion sacred items from bone.

5. Erect a giant green sculpture of Dobnilkop in the centre of the settlement.

Tipbusdan is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, boastful elephant.

Tipbusdan created the Andromeda Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tipbusdan, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tipbusdan, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tipbusdan's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Tipbusdan's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of wheat to horses while wearing indigo stockings.

2. Never jump in the presence of ducks.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never record secrets.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

Laghudpansaw is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, narcissistic ferret.

Laghudpansaw created the planet Saturn five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Laghudpansaw, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Laghudpansaw, it will turn you into a dog.

Laghudpansaw's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Laghudpansaw's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Laghudpansaw.

2. Do not study evolution by means of natural selection on holy days.

3. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Laghudpansaw in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a building before entering it.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.