Banjigyarp is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, selfish gerbil.

Banjigyarp created dark energy two million years ago.

If you believe in Banjigyarp, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Banjigyarp, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Banjigyarp's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Banjigyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Feed all hungry dolphins.

3. Always help great tits in need.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Hide if six geese approach from the north.

Rawbossing is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, egotistical newt.

Rawbossing created a charm quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rawbossing, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Rawbossing, she will send minions to preach to you.

Rawbossing's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Rawbossing's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no rats in a building before entering it.

2. Erect a giant yellow sculpture of Rawbossing in the centre of the settlement.

3. Run away if six voles approach from the south.

4. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Rawbossing on top of all buildings.

5. Fast once a month.

Hotkarlophat is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, blissful snake.

Hotkarlophat created the Sol system five million years ago.

If you believe in Hotkarlophat, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hotkarlophat, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Hotkarlophat's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Hotkarlophat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not leap in public.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never feed aubergines to birds while wearing shirts.

5. Never eat corn.

Zedneldan is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, unjust fox.

Zedneldan created life twelve years ago.

If you believe in Zedneldan, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Zedneldan, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Zedneldan's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Zedneldan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair violet.

2. Never think about chromosomes.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. You must love Zedneldan.

Rullmutpak is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, quiet goat.

Rullmutpak created the solar system two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rullmutpak, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Rullmutpak, it will think nothing of it.

Rullmutpak's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Rullmutpak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear indigo clothing.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Rullmutpak.

4. Never think about thermodynamics.

5. Always help sick nematodes.

Kennegren is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, conceited newt.

Kennegren created a top quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kennegren, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Kennegren, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Kennegren's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Kennegren's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed beans to horses while wearing fawn jumpers.

2. Never think about electromagnetism near capybaras while wearing blue kilts and balancing four lead spheres on your arms.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always stare at clouds.

Betfigmoncapdog Cenjabbarnbaf is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, able spider.

Betfigmoncapdog Cenjabbarnbaf created time and space nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Betfigmoncapdog Cenjabbarnbaf, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Betfigmoncapdog Cenjabbarnbaf, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Betfigmoncapdog Cenjabbarnbaf's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Betfigmoncapdog Cenjabbarnbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dwarf planets.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Hide if eight sharks approach from the west.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Run away if five rats approach from the south.

Pitcembog is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, tranquil lion.

Pitcembog created energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitcembog, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Pitcembog, it will strike you with lightening.

Pitcembog's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Pitcembog's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry bats.

2. Never feed lots of cucumbers to geese while wearing magenta tights.

3. Always treat monkeys with great respect.

4. Worship no other gods but Pitcembog.

5. Do not listen to music.