Cebcimbiftif is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, happy mongoose.

Cebcimbiftif created matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cebcimbiftif, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Cebcimbiftif, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Cebcimbiftif's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Cebcimbiftif's Holy Commandments

1. Never stain your chest with magenta.

2. Always help sick shrews.

3. Cebcimbiftif loves foxes, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never cross mountains at dawn.

Hanlinleg is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, self-confident squid.

Hanlinleg created an electron seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Hanlinleg, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Hanlinleg, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Hanlinleg's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Hanlinleg's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with humility when addressing priests.

2. Do not contemplate quantum field theory during the night.

3. Never speak the names of nebulae aloud.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Do not stand on grass.

Nakcudbab is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, bad-tempered whale.

Nakcudbab created snails three million years ago.

If you believe in Nakcudbab, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Nakcudbab, it will turn you into a dog.

Nakcudbab's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Nakcudbab's Holy Commandments

1. Always wash your face before prayer.

2. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

3. Always act with patience when addressing priests.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never mix pineapples with oil.

Baphivfarn is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, slow clam.

Baphivfarn created time and space three billion years ago.

If you believe in Baphivfarn, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Baphivfarn, he will send minions to preach to you.

Baphivfarn's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Baphivfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of asteroids into wood.

2. Never remain prostrate at midday.

3. Never point your feet toward the south during prayer.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not dye your hair mauve.

Ranzimweebog is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, overgenerous otter.

Ranzimweebog created the Andromeda Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Ranzimweebog, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ranzimweebog, it will destroy your home solar system.

Ranzimweebog's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Ranzimweebog's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear red.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never sing in the presence of elders.

4. Do not study eukaryotes on holy days.

5. Always look after injured manatees.

Arfveenbim Bitdumwad is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, charitable owl.

Arfveenbim Bitdumwad created the world three billion years ago.

If you believe in Arfveenbim Bitdumwad, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Arfveenbim Bitdumwad, he will jump up and down on your head.

Arfveenbim Bitdumwad's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Arfveenbim Bitdumwad's Holy Commandments

1. Never travel toward the south during autumn.

2. Never touch water while blessed.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never go into blue rooms.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

Zimlibcip is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, contented alligator.

Zimlibcip created the Black Eye Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Zimlibcip, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Zimlibcip, she will send you a sign.

Zimlibcip's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Zimlibcip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching copper.

2. Remain prostrate during prayer.

3. Hide if six monkeys approach from the west.

4. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

5. Heed all dreams.

Quagcan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, vain donkey.

Quagcan created the planet Jupiter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quagcan, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Quagcan, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Quagcan's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Quagcan's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow ants to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not hurt voles.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching titanium.

5. Do not count beyond nine during ceremonies.