Vabtimvidlaglag is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, amazing rat.

Vabtimvidlaglag created light four years ago.

If you believe in Vabtimvidlaglag, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vabtimvidlaglag, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Vabtimvidlaglag's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Vabtimvidlaglag's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a room before entering it.

4. Never mark doors with green.

5. Erect a large lead sculpture of Vabtimvidlaglag on top of all buildings.

Panveenont is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, capable cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Panveenont created the planet Venus four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Panveenont, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Panveenont, he will turn you into a rat.

Panveenont's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Panveenont's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed nuts to rats while wearing mauve tights.

2. Do not prepare lemons while filled with joy.

3. You must love Panveenont.

4. Never allow tortoises to witness sacred rites.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

Bamweemin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, smart dolphin.

Bamweemin created humanity eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bamweemin, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bamweemin, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Bamweemin's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Bamweemin's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bread on days of mourning.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Bamweemin.

3. Do not speak of gravity near sacred fires.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.

Arfyampas is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, selfish snail.

Arfyampas created a photon three million years ago.

If you believe in Arfyampas, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Arfyampas, it will destroy your home planet.

Arfyampas' most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Arfyampas' Holy Commandments

1. Never handle aluminium while unclean.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never sprint in winter.

4. Never paint your arms pink.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.

Abfumfut is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, bad-tempered donkey.

Abfumfut created the Milkyway three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Abfumfut, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Abfumfut, it will turn you into a rock.

Abfumfut's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Abfumfut's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather nine whales in one place.

2. Pray only in darkness.

3. Do not keep five doves in a large pit.

4. Never think about quantum gravity.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

Gungetpinfut is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, stupid horse.

Gungetpinfut created the planet Mars six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gungetpinfut, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gungetpinfut, he will be very sad.

Gungetpinfut's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Gungetpinfut's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Always cleanse oil with water.

3. Never gather seven otters near bridges.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

Hapbegcen is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, weak shark.

Hapbegcen created viruses six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapbegcen, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hapbegcen, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Hapbegcen's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Hapbegcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about moons.

2. Never approach rivers carrying stone.

3. Do not kill hamsters.

4. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Hapbegcen in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never discuss eukaryotes in public assemblies.

Manwonsafpang is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, humorless lobster.

Manwonsafpang created dark energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Manwonsafpang, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Manwonsafpang, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Manwonsafpang's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Manwonsafpang's Holy Commandments

1. Always wash your chest before prayer.

2. Do not wear copper on your body.

3. Always wear violet.

4. Run away from purple bats, for they are unholy.

5. Do not step barefoot upon indigo earth.