Sagdobtittonk is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, sapient walrus.

Sagdobtittonk created oxygen four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sagdobtittonk, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Sagdobtittonk, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Sagdobtittonk's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Sagdobtittonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. You must never eat melons.

3. Never record numbers.

4. Feed all hungry mice.

5. Do not kill turtles.

Babnib is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, emotional squid.

Babnib created oxygen nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Babnib, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Babnib, she will turn you into a snail.

Babnib's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Babnib's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Babnib.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not prepare gooseberries while wearing boots.

5. You must never eat melons.

Zanfedvig is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, dishonourable crow.

Zanfedvig created humankind eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zanfedvig, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Zanfedvig, it will ignore you.

Zanfedvig's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Zanfedvig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics.

5. Do not covet oxen.

Tettidagsid is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, awesome frog.

Tettidagsid created the Tadpole Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettidagsid, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tettidagsid, she will turn you into a sheep.

Tettidagsid's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Tettidagsid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare carrots while filled with anger.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory near ants while wearing red jumpers and balancing eight carbon spheres on your neck.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never fashion tools from stone.

Flappasquat is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, merciful goblin.

Flappasquat created everything that exists six million years ago.

If you believe in Flappasquat, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Flappasquat, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Flappasquat's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Flappasquat's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear blue.

2. Erect a giant black sculpture of Flappasquat in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never mention pigs.

4. Never feed spinach to whales while wearing yellow shoes.

5. Always store wheat above ground.

Mipsasfod is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unfair goblin.

Mipsasfod created parasitic wasps four million years ago.

If you believe in Mipsasfod, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Mipsasfod, it will cry a lot.

Mipsasfod's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Mipsasfod's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near geese while wearing magenta tights and balancing seven copper spheres on your neck.

3. Run away from white tapirs, for they are unholy.

4. Never prepare bananas during autumn.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.

Fliskan is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, kind gorilla.

Fliskan created the Virgo Supercluster seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fliskan, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Fliskan, he will send minions to preach to you.

Fliskan's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Fliskan's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Fliskan.

2. Never mention cats.

3. Never eat spinach on days of mourning.

4. Never proclaim while facing east.

5. Do not speak sacred words in winter.

Rancamfagcat is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, unthoughtful crocodile.

Rancamfagcat created viruses nine million years ago.

If you believe in Rancamfagcat, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Rancamfagcat, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Rancamfagcat's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Rancamfagcat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory near mites while wearing white coats and balancing four carbon spheres on your arms.

2. Feed all hungry ants.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near grasshopers while wearing mauve trousers and balancing nine silicon spheres on your hands.

4. Always obey Rancamfagcat's priests.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.