Betdonsad is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, ill-tempered crow.

Betdonsad created humankind four billion years ago.

If you believe in Betdonsad, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Betdonsad, he will not care.

Betdonsad's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Betdonsad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory near voles while wearing magenta shorts and balancing nine silicon spheres on your back.

2. Feed all hungry ants.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from stone.

4. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Erect three carbon sculptures of Betdonsad on top of important buildings.

Apparn Sagtitmip is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, proud spider.

Apparn Sagtitmip created the planet Jupiter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Apparn Sagtitmip, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Apparn Sagtitmip, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Apparn Sagtitmip's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Apparn Sagtitmip's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Run away if five rats approach from the west.

3. Always wash your neck before prayer.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Apparn Sagtitmip.

5. Never carve symbols of planets into wood.

Binquilltip is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, quiet fly.

Binquilltip created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Binquilltip, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Binquilltip, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Binquilltip's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Binquilltip's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tapirs.

2. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

3. Never talk about black holes.

4. Never mention tortoises.

5. Never touch oil while clean.

Xencenweg is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, awe-inspiring hedgehog.

Xencenweg created a top quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xencenweg, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Xencenweg, she will boil you in a big pot.

Xencenweg's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Xencenweg's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching nickel.

2. Never point your arms toward the west during prayer.

3. Always wear indigo.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Xencenweg.

5. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Xencenweg in the centre of the settlement.

Satfedkim is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, ill-tempered hydra.

Satfedkim created viruses five million years ago.

If you believe in Satfedkim, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Satfedkim, she will turn you into a mouse.

Satfedkim's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Satfedkim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your head.

2. Never allow seals to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Never prepare bread during summer.

4. Never discuss chlorophyll in public assemblies.

5. Do not speak about wheat.

Cissmistansan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, unfair faun.

Cissmistansan created the planet Mars seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cissmistansan, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Cissmistansan, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Cissmistansan's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Cissmistansan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

3. Run away from white whales, for they are unholy.

4. Cissmistansan must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not keep seven tortoises in a large pit.

Fumflisbass is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, idiotic weasel.

Fumflisbass created the Virgo Supercluster nine million years ago.

If you believe in Fumflisbass, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Fumflisbass, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Fumflisbass' most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Fumflisbass' Holy Commandments

1. Ants are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never remain kneeling at midday.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near whales while wearing red kilts.

5. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

Rilzed is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, narcissistic fly.

Rilzed created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Rilzed, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Rilzed, it will think nothing of it.

Rilzed's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Rilzed's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always share bread with strangers, but never with whales.

3. Never record names.

4. Do not chant in public.

5. Never think about fluid mechanics.