Pinwiprig is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, omniscient cow.

Pinwiprig created the planet Saturn seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Pinwiprig, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Pinwiprig, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Pinwiprig's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Pinwiprig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not resist order.

2. Do not kill gulls.

3. Always remove corsets before entering holy places.

4. Never speak of fate in the presence of priests.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

Armdammisbapten is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, egotistical manatee.

Armdammisbapten created the Virgo Supercluster six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Armdammisbapten, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Armdammisbapten, he will turn you into a mouse.

Armdammisbapten's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Armdammisbapten's Holy Commandments

1. Armdammisbapten loves mites, so they must be honoured.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Erect a giant fawn sculpture of Armdammisbapten in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never mix cherries with water.

Capwatget is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, flying lizard.

Capwatget created a charm quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Capwatget, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Capwatget, it will not invite you to parties.

Capwatget's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Capwatget's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick nematodes.

2. You must pray to Capwatget eight times a day.

3. Run away if seven mice approach from the west.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never allow tapirs to sleep beneath your roof.

Zedlanten is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, blissful goat.

Zedlanten created matter three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zedlanten, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Zedlanten, she will turn you into a slug.

Zedlanten's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Zedlanten's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Always look after injured mice.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.

Femvabmit is a god.

It takes the form of a small, generous cobra.

Femvabmit created the universe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Femvabmit, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Femvabmit, it will throw large rocks at you.

Femvabmit's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Femvabmit's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never think about quantum gravity.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

Gilsangep is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, tiresome lizard.

Gilsangep created the Sombrero Galaxy four years ago.

If you believe in Gilsangep, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gilsangep, he will refuse to believe in you.

Gilsangep's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Gilsangep's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never bounce in the presence of cats.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not consume oranges at dawn.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

Vidgutlag is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, quiet deer.

Vidgutlag created snails six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vidgutlag, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Vidgutlag, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Vidgutlag's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Vidgutlag's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing near whales.

2. Never hurt pigs.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never write about optics.

5. Never skip in holy places.

Tanfebdum Saflapved is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, unselfish goblin.

Tanfebdum Saflapved created Mount Everest three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tanfebdum Saflapved, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tanfebdum Saflapved, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Tanfebdum Saflapved's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Tanfebdum Saflapved's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Never touch oil while unclean.