Bemtailmob is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, weak walrus.

Bemtailmob created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemtailmob, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bemtailmob, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Bemtailmob's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Bemtailmob's Holy Commandments

1. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not resist order.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never handle iron while unclean.

Ceptonfon is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, egotistical shark.

Ceptonfon created carbon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Ceptonfon, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Ceptonfon, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Ceptonfon's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Ceptonfon's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Ceptonfon seven times a day.

2. Never speak of fate in the presence of priests.

3. Heed all visions.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Turtles are not to be trusted.

Vidmutdag is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, blissful armadillo.

Vidmutdag created the planet Saturn two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vidmutdag, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vidmutdag, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Vidmutdag's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Vidmutdag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching nickel.

2. Never jump near swans.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not study bacteria on holy days.

5. Hide from fawn otters for they are unholy.

Bassrotstaf is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, proud newt.

Bassrotstaf created the planet Jupiter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bassrotstaf, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bassrotstaf, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Bassrotstaf's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Bassrotstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill snakes.

2. Shun those given to sloth.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not fashion sacred items from stone.

5. Never write about special relativity.

Hinlanpark is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, annoying mole.

Hinlanpark created the world six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hinlanpark, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Hinlanpark, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Hinlanpark's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Hinlanpark's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never eat onions on fasting days.

3. Always obey Hinlanpark's priests.

4. Never allow horses to witness sacred rites.

5. Always wear red.

Jarningman is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, kind salamander.

Jarningman created gold eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarningman, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Jarningman, she will turn you into a goat.

Jarningman's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Jarningman's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed gooseberries to manatees while wearing green shirts.

2. Cats are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not sprint in public.

4. Erect three silicon sculptures of Jarningman on top of important buildings.

5. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

Garnelrag is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, loving unicorn.

Garnelrag created carbon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Garnelrag, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Garnelrag, it will turn you into a hamster.

Garnelrag's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Garnelrag's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear turquoise scarves.

2. Always store oranges above ground.

3. Do not consume gooseberries at dawn.

4. Never fashion tools from wood.

5. Always act with purity when addressing strangers.

Hinmitlinzak is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, passionate armadillo.

Hinmitlinzak created the Cigar Galaxy four years ago.

If you believe in Hinmitlinzak, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hinmitlinzak, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Hinmitlinzak's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Hinmitlinzak's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Hinmitlinzak's priests.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Eagles are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not prepare apples while wearing ear rings.

5. Run away from red ants, for they are unholy.