Zakbamwap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, cheerful cow.

Zakbamwap created time and space seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakbamwap, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Zakbamwap, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Zakbamwap's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Zakbamwap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never think about gravity near birds while wearing red hats and balancing three aluminium spheres on your chest.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zakbamwap.

5. Do not shave your legs.

Betpidlin Fonbophon Flowsidbim is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, calm scorpion.

Betpidlin Fonbophon Flowsidbim created humanity two billion years ago.

If you believe in Betpidlin Fonbophon Flowsidbim, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Betpidlin Fonbophon Flowsidbim, she will turn you into a puffin.

Betpidlin Fonbophon Flowsidbim's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Betpidlin Fonbophon Flowsidbim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond six during ceremonies.

2. Never discuss evolution by means of natural selection in public assemblies.

3. Always obey Betpidlin Fonbophon Flowsidbim's priests.

4. Pray only in shadows.

5. Do not keep eight tortoises in a large pit.

Vogcenmis is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, sage lion.

Vogcenmis created the Andromeda Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vogcenmis, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Vogcenmis, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Vogcenmis' most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Vogcenmis' Holy Commandments

1. Never wear pink shorts.

2. Always wear plain coats during rituals.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Do not chant at forests.

5. Do not wear titanium on your body.

Lat Honabapp is a god.

It takes the form of a small, tranquil donkey.

Lat Honabapp created energy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lat Honabapp, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lat Honabapp, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Lat Honabapp's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Lat Honabapp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never speak the names of nebulae aloud.

3. Lat Honabapp loves ducks, so they must be respected.

4. Never gather six dogs in one place.

5. Do not record signs concerning black holes.

Lagdincar is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, merciful spider.

Lagdincar created the Whirlpool Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lagdincar, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lagdincar, she will think nothing of it.

Lagdincar's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Lagdincar's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never fashion tools from stone.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never speak of order in the presence of strangers.

Hotgovpas is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, ill-tempered parrot.

Hotgovpas created a strange quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotgovpas, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hotgovpas, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Hotgovpas' most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Hotgovpas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate frogs.

3. Never paint your feet indigo.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about archaea.

Loopontflab is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, intelligent cat.

Loopontflab created the Sol system three million years ago.

If you believe in Loopontflab, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Loopontflab, she will curse you with boils.

Loopontflab's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Loopontflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not study nucleic acids on holy days.

3. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

4. Never think about electromagnetism near goats while wearing magenta stockings and balancing nine tin spheres on your arms.

5. Never mark doors with mauve.

Stikbissged is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, kind warg.

Stikbissged created humankind six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stikbissged, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Stikbissged, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Stikbissged's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Stikbissged's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in moonlight.

2. Never wear pink ear rings on sacred days.

3. Never talk about stars.

4. Do not consume oranges at dawn.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.