Damnurlfoss is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, witless shrew.

Damnurlfoss created matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Damnurlfoss, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Damnurlfoss, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Damnurlfoss' most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Damnurlfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Never stain your arms with purple.

2. Damnurlfoss must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Sharks are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never leap near aardvarks.

5. Birds are not to be trusted.

Rutmiggenbusdabmob is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, quiet ferret.

Rutmiggenbusdabmob created an atom three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rutmiggenbusdabmob, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Rutmiggenbusdabmob, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Rutmiggenbusdabmob's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Rutmiggenbusdabmob's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Pray only in firelight.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

Giddambid is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, ruthless shrew.

Giddambid created Africa two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Giddambid, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Giddambid, it will have a low opinion of you.

Giddambid's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Giddambid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not consume parsnips at dawn.

2. Never handle zinc while unclean.

3. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

4. Always help turtles in need.

5. Erect four titanium sculptures of Giddambid on top of important buildings.

Kom is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, all-powerful salamander.

Kom created a down quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Kom, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Kom, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Kom's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Kom's Holy Commandments

1. Kom loves horses, so they must be respected.

2. Do not keep nine squirrels in a large pit.

3. Never talk about dark matter near capybaras while wearing indigo tights and balancing eight lead spheres on your back.

4. Do not resist chaos.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

Rapominflap is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, thoughtless cat.

Rapominflap created life nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rapominflap, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Rapominflap, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Rapominflap's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Rapominflap's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Rapominflap in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never allow seals to witness sacred rites.

3. Never think about black holes.

4. Always wear orange.

5. Always count to three before sleeping.

Manlamgil is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, strong hummingbird.

Manlamgil created energy five million years ago.

If you believe in Manlamgil, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Manlamgil, he will send minions to preach to you.

Manlamgil's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Manlamgil's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak aloud of names.

2. Never allow badgers to witness sacred rites.

3. Never wear shoes.

4. Always help dolphins in need.

5. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

Spagmap is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, blissful dog.

Spagmap created time and space nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Spagmap, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Spagmap, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Spagmap's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Spagmap's Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

2. Erect a giant fawn sculpture of Spagmap in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not place grapes upon stone.

4. Never pray while filled with anger.

5. Always share rice with strangers, but never with goats.

Gunbunzed is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, contented frog.

Gunbunzed created light seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gunbunzed, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gunbunzed, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Gunbunzed's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Gunbunzed's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching silicon.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never go into fawn rooms.

5. Never feed lemons to swans while wearing violet kilts.