Bifdossjat is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, tiresome capybara.

Bifdossjat created a top quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bifdossjat, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Bifdossjat, he will laugh at you.

Bifdossjat's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Bifdossjat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not wear stockings marked with turquoise.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate hamsters.

5. Always store beans above ground.

Bidtonkrow is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, passionate finch.

Bidtonkrow created dark energy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bidtonkrow, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bidtonkrow, he will remove you from existence.

Bidtonkrow's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Bidtonkrow's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never mix corn with water.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

5. Never eat cucumbers.

Pomdadyatt is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, competent ant.

Pomdadyatt created the planet Mars three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pomdadyatt, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Pomdadyatt, he will turn you into a mouse.

Pomdadyatt's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Pomdadyatt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond four during ceremonies.

2. Hide from red voles for they are unholy.

3. Never gather five bats in one place.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snails.

5. Never wear boots.

Lagdunvin is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, selfish crocodile.

Lagdunvin created Asia six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagdunvin, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Lagdunvin, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Lagdunvin's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Lagdunvin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about amino acids.

2. Never wear boots.

3. Never think about optics near badgers while wearing violet shorts and balancing three carbon spheres on your hands.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never skip in the presence of birds.

Gebdunran is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, awesome chicken.

Gebdunran created the Cigar Galaxy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gebdunran, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gebdunran, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Gebdunran's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Gebdunran's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never discuss chlorophyll in public assemblies.

3. Never run near aardvarks.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never jump in the presence of tortoises.

Sagnigtap is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, uncaring clam.

Sagnigtap created water three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sagnigtap, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Sagnigtap, she will turn you into a duck.

Sagnigtap's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Sagnigtap's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from stone.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

3. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

4. Do not fashion tools from carbon.

5. Sagnigtap loves bats, so they must be honoured.

Tikpakstip is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, self-assured hippopotamus.

Tikpakstip created time and space three million years ago.

If you believe in Tikpakstip, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tikpakstip, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tikpakstip's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Tikpakstip's Holy Commandments

1. Put Tikpakstip first in all things.

2. Do not place carrots upon stone.

3. Never allow foxes to witness sacred rites.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching silver.

5. You must never eat tomatoes.

Narlgutzim is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unjust ant.

Narlgutzim created vertebrates two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Narlgutzim, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Narlgutzim, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Narlgutzim's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Narlgutzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Always act with purity.

3. Always wash your feet before prayer.

4. Never adorn your back with green markings.

5. Always treat monkeys with great respect.