Funparkbass is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, smart lion.

Funparkbass created the world eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Funparkbass, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Funparkbass, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Funparkbass' most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Funparkbass' Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Feed all hungry mice.

3. Never leap in autumn.

4. Never go into red rooms.

5. Never pray while filled with anger.

Jarnxucteenrenfossnulnancet is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, ill-tempered hedgehog.

Jarnxucteenrenfossnulnancet created the planet Earth six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnxucteenrenfossnulnancet, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jarnxucteenrenfossnulnancet, he will destroy your favourite star.

Jarnxucteenrenfossnulnancet's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Jarnxucteenrenfossnulnancet's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about moons.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never remain bowed at midday.

4. Heed all visions.

5. Never adorn your hands with purple markings.

Higgonhig is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, annoying swan.

Higgonhig created dark matter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Higgonhig, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Higgonhig, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Higgonhig's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Higgonhig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about black holes.

2. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

3. Birds are not to be trusted.

4. Run away from magenta grasshopers, for they are unholy.

5. Always wear plain rings during rituals.

Sidbatarm is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, kind coyote.

Sidbatarm created parasitic wasps three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sidbatarm, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Sidbatarm, he will be mildly annoyed.

Sidbatarm's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Sidbatarm's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove ear rings before touching gold.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate birds.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.

Vaglegnartab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, self-confident gerbil.

Vaglegnartab created dark matter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vaglegnartab, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Vaglegnartab, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Vaglegnartab's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Vaglegnartab's Holy Commandments

1. Heed all visions.

2. Never write about ultrasonics.

3. Never mention dogs.

4. Always make sure there are no swans in a room before entering it.

5. Do not covet oxen.

Zigdidquart Ganquillnadnell is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, unsympathetic beaver.

Zigdidquart Ganquillnadnell created the world three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zigdidquart Ganquillnadnell, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Zigdidquart Ganquillnadnell, he will be mildly annoyed.

Zigdidquart Ganquillnadnell's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Zigdidquart Ganquillnadnell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear stockings marked with red.

2. Do not hurt bats.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Shun those given to greed.

5. Never feed rice to moths while wearing purple hats.

Japdid is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, intelligent seal.

Japdid created the planet Jupiter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Japdid, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Japdid, he will turn you into a sheep.

Japdid's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Japdid's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow swans to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Do not speak of quantum mechanics near sacred fires.

3. Do not shave your chest.

4. Do not wear carbon on your body.

5. Japdid must be the most important thing in your life.

Cemladquafyam Rotrakbeg is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, impressive porpoise.

Cemladquafyam Rotrakbeg created a Higgs boson two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cemladquafyam Rotrakbeg, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Cemladquafyam Rotrakbeg, he will cry a lot.

Cemladquafyam Rotrakbeg's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Cemladquafyam Rotrakbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always wash your face before prayer.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never gather seven ants in one place.

4. Do not consume cherries at dawn.

5. Do not speak of thermodynamics near sacred fires.