Henwannan is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, vain monkey.

Henwannan created the Sun nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Henwannan, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Henwannan, he will turn you into a rock.

Henwannan's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Henwannan's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Erect nine aluminium sculptures of Henwannan on top of important buildings.

4. You must love Henwannan.

5. Never hurt otters.

Zimpidweg is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, omniscient fairy.

Zimpidweg created the Large Magellanic Cloud four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zimpidweg, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Zimpidweg, he will laugh at you.

Zimpidweg's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Zimpidweg's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Never gather nine porpoises in one place.

3. Never talk about sheep.

4. Erect a giant black sculpture of Zimpidweg in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never remain bowed at midnight.

Vadzodbog is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, charitable yak.

Vadzodbog created the planet Venus seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vadzodbog, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Vadzodbog, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Vadzodbog's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Vadzodbog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from bone.

2. Do not hurt mites.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not keep five ducks in a large pit.

5. Do not speak of dark energy near sacred fires.

Yartpodster is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, competent ferret.

Yartpodster created the Milkyway four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yartpodster, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yartpodster, he will torture you forever.

Yartpodster's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Yartpodster's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never gather six ducks in one place.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in purple.

Figtiflim is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, unthoughtful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Figtiflim created gold three billion years ago.

If you believe in Figtiflim, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Figtiflim, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Figtiflim's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Figtiflim's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather five ducks near bridges.

2. You must love Figtiflim.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

4. Feed all hungry snakes.

5. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

Tafmifzog is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, dishonest raven.

Tafmifzog created the world three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tafmifzog, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tafmifzog, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Tafmifzog's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Tafmifzog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in summer.

2. Grasshopers are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Put Tafmifzog first in all things.

4. Never go into orange rooms.

5. Never eat grapes.

Tadnadtinlunnelmap is a god.

He takes the form of a small, witty skunk.

Tadnadtinlunnelmap created the universe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tadnadtinlunnelmap, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Tadnadtinlunnelmap, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Tadnadtinlunnelmap's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Tadnadtinlunnelmap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate optics during the night.

2. Erect a giant yellow sculpture of Tadnadtinlunnelmap in the centre of the settlement.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always store onions above ground.

5. Never mark doors with white.

Ontcebcep is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, impressive giraffe.

Ontcebcep created a quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontcebcep, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Ontcebcep, she will laugh at you.

Ontcebcep's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Ontcebcep's Holy Commandments

1. Ontcebcep must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never mark doors with green.

3. Never speak aloud of names.

4. Hide if six horses approach from the west.

5. Never feed melons to nematodes while wearing shirts.