Bessidteen is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, staggering tapir.

Bessidteen created the planet Venus five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessidteen, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bessidteen, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Bessidteen's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Bessidteen's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry seals.

2. You must never eat spinach.

3. Do not prepare beans while filled with envy.

4. Never eat gooseberries on holy days.

5. Moths are not to be trusted.

Jintifyatt Funfonfut is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, emotional hamster.

Jintifyatt Funfonfut created a photon nine million years ago.

If you believe in Jintifyatt Funfonfut, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jintifyatt Funfonfut, she will turn you into a sheep.

Jintifyatt Funfonfut's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Jintifyatt Funfonfut's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed pineapples to mice while wearing dresses.

2. Do not place bananas upon stone.

3. Always obey Jintifyatt Funfonfut's priests.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate squirrels.

5. Do not dye your hair black.

Cedvigjen is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, stupid mink.

Cedvigjen created the Small Magellanic Cloud three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cedvigjen, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Cedvigjen, it will turn you into a rock.

Cedvigjen's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Cedvigjen's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured great tits.

2. Do not take Cedvigjen's name in vain.

3. Shun those given to greed.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not chop down trees.

Bossfadfab is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, benevolent manatee.

Bossfadfab created snails four years ago.

If you believe in Bossfadfab, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bossfadfab, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Bossfadfab's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Bossfadfab's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at moons.

2. Never hurt snakes.

3. Bossfadfab loves foxes, so they must be respected.

4. Always look after injured great tits.

5. Always wear plain shirts during rituals.

Lopgudfom is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, clever wolf.

Lopgudfom created a down quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopgudfom, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Lopgudfom, he will turn you into a snail.

Lopgudfom's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Lopgudfom's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Lopgudfom on top of all buildings.

2. Never point your head toward the north during prayer.

3. Do not shave your feet.

4. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never think ill of sick whales.

Quamraprag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, duplicitous raccoon.

Quamraprag created Europe four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quamraprag, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quamraprag, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Quamraprag's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Quamraprag's Holy Commandments

1. Never whisper while facing west.

2. Do not speak of ultrasonics near sacred fires.

3. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Quamraprag on top of all buildings.

4. Do not study the inheritance of acquired characteristics on holy days.

5. Never chant in the presence of elders.

Yarlflyfot is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, unthinking fly.

Yarlflyfot created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlflyfot, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Yarlflyfot, it will have a low opinion of you.

Yarlflyfot's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Yarlflyfot's Holy Commandments

1. Always help foxes.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Yarlflyfot.

3. Do not contemplate dark energy during the night.

4. Never think about chromosomes.

5. Never talk about fire.

Bassnurdib is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, sapient jaguar.

Bassnurdib created an electron seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bassnurdib, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bassnurdib, he will not care.

Bassnurdib's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Bassnurdib's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never speak aloud of numbers.

3. Do not resist chaos.

4. Do not speak about corn.

5. Do not run in public.