Nabpitmon is a god.

He takes the form of a small, fast naga.

Nabpitmon created the Small Magellanic Cloud six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nabpitmon, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Nabpitmon, he will make you grow a tail.

Nabpitmon's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Nabpitmon's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Nabpitmon on top of all buildings.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Feed all hungry voles.

Yarlvegfar is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, deceitful slug.

Yarlvegfar created a down quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlvegfar, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Yarlvegfar, he will turn you into a slug.

Yarlvegfar's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Yarlvegfar's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with turquoise.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics.

3. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Always cleanse ash with water.

Catpag is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, thoughtless naga.

Catpag created vertebrates nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Catpag, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Catpag, he will turn you into a rat.

Catpag's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Catpag's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Catpag.

2. Always remove dresses before entering holy places.

3. Never remain standing at midday.

4. Hide from indigo eagles for they are unholy.

5. Never think about archaea.

Nurtkarmob Jamfabbess is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, bad-tempered fox.

Nurtkarmob Jamfabbess created Africa five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtkarmob Jamfabbess, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Nurtkarmob Jamfabbess, she will try to impress you with trees.

Nurtkarmob Jamfabbess' most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Nurtkarmob Jamfabbess' Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Nurtkarmob Jamfabbess seven times a day.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching lead.

3. Never mix peas with water.

4. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nurtkarmob Jamfabbess.

Limratpan Xuckvigbud Gudyaktif is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, temperamental dugong.

Limratpan Xuckvigbud Gudyaktif created the planet Jupiter nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Limratpan Xuckvigbud Gudyaktif, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Limratpan Xuckvigbud Gudyaktif, he will think nothing of it.

Limratpan Xuckvigbud Gudyaktif's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Limratpan Xuckvigbud Gudyaktif's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never feed lots of carrots to shrews while wearing magenta coats.

3. Do not gather at towers at dawn.

4. Do not hurt gulls.

5. Do not listen to music.

Dubpoddog is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, slow unicorn.

Dubpoddog created the planet Mars twelve years ago.

If you believe in Dubpoddog, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Dubpoddog, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Dubpoddog's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Dubpoddog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about melons.

2. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Dubpoddog in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never feed gooseberries to hamsters while wearing shorts.

4. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Always remove coats before touching lead.

Quarttompas is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, all-knowing clam.

Quarttompas created dark matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quarttompas, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Quarttompas, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Quarttompas' most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Quarttompas' Holy Commandments

1. Never wear red shoes.

2. Always make sure there are no pigs in a building before entering it.

3. Always help tapirs.

4. Always share beans with strangers, but never with mice.

5. Never carve symbols of comets into wood.

Cum is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, caring dog.

Cum created an electron six million years ago.

If you believe in Cum, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Cum, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Cum's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Cum's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if seven snails approach from the north.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. You must love Cum.

4. Pray only in moonlight.

5. Never write about quantum mechanics.