Podkapwadvegstan is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, selfish crane.

Podkapwadvegstan created water seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Podkapwadvegstan, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Podkapwadvegstan, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Podkapwadvegstan's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Podkapwadvegstan's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with purity when addressing strangers.

2. Never speak the names of black holes aloud.

3. Always wear purple.

4. Do not trade with those who eat corn.

5. Do not wear boots marked with gray.

Bapdadmet is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, fast walrus.

Bapdadmet created Africa nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bapdadmet, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bapdadmet, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Bapdadmet's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Bapdadmet's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick geese.

2. Do not speak of quantum mechanics near sacred fires.

3. Always help dolphins.

4. Remain bowed during prayer.

5. Do not gather at doors at dawn.

Dunsawham is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, kind yak.

Dunsawham created the planet Earth eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dunsawham, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dunsawham, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Dunsawham's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Dunsawham's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not take Dunsawham's name in vain.

5. Do not speak of fluid mechanics near sacred fires.

Dobstikster is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unfair badger.

Dobstikster created an atom six million years ago.

If you believe in Dobstikster, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Dobstikster, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Dobstikster's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Dobstikster's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about fluid mechanics near doves while wearing green shorts and balancing four zinc spheres on your feet.

2. Erect seven lead sculptures of Dobstikster on top of important buildings.

3. Dobstikster must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never curse while facing north.

5. Never handle titanium while unclean.

Kippanmig is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, annoying fish.

Kippanmig created bats six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kippanmig, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Kippanmig, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Kippanmig's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Kippanmig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion tools from lead.

2. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Kippanmig in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always help tapirs in need.

4. Do not speak of quantum field theory near sacred fires.

5. You must love Kippanmig.

Ladtabapp is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, tranquil shrew.

Ladtabapp created the Virgo Supercluster six million years ago.

If you believe in Ladtabapp, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Ladtabapp, it will not invite you to parties.

Ladtabapp's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Ladtabapp's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt pigs.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never wear hats.

4. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.

5. Never chant near squirrels.

Bapquartqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, loving capybara.

Bapquartqueeg created snails three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bapquartqueeg, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Bapquartqueeg, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Bapquartqueeg's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Bapquartqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow swans to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Always store turnips above ground.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching titanium.

5. Never talk about planets.

Stipzakhakrill Flyxinzog is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, annoying alligator.

Stipzakhakrill Flyxinzog created an up quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stipzakhakrill Flyxinzog, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Stipzakhakrill Flyxinzog, she will jump up and down on your head.

Stipzakhakrill Flyxinzog's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Stipzakhakrill Flyxinzog's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity near goats while wearing violet trousers and balancing seven iron spheres on your back.

2. Always remove shorts before touching zinc.

3. Always cleanse oil with water.

4. Never wear rings.

5. Do not make images of living things.