Dotsomfad is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, weak yak.

Dotsomfad created the planet Venus eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dotsomfad, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dotsomfad, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Dotsomfad's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Dotsomfad's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from stone.

2. Run away if eight geese approach from the west.

3. Never write about asteroids.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Never eat wheat.

Bimyartyakcin is a god.

He takes the form of a small, self-assured grasshopper.

Bimyartyakcin created the Sunflower Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bimyartyakcin, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bimyartyakcin, he will send you a sign.

Bimyartyakcin's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Bimyartyakcin's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about photosynthesis.

2. Do not hop in public.

3. Shun those given to cruelty.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never proclaim while facing east.

Pinominpang is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, happy bear.

Pinominpang created light four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pinominpang, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Pinominpang, she will boil you in a big pot.

Pinominpang's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Pinominpang's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a building before entering it.

2. Do not gather at towers at dusk.

3. Pigs are not to be trusted.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

Latcatgad is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, selfish dog.

Latcatgad created a photon eight million years ago.

If you believe in Latcatgad, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Latcatgad, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Latcatgad's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Latcatgad's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine bats approach from the north.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never point your face toward the west during prayer.

5. Do not count beyond three during ceremonies.

Dogzagsas is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, thoughtless mink.

Dogzagsas created the Cigar Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Dogzagsas, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Dogzagsas, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Dogzagsas' most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Dogzagsas' Holy Commandments

1. Never speak of chaos in the presence of children.

2. Do not fashion tools from copper.

3. Do not record signs concerning dwarf planets.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate foxes.

Afnak is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, dishonourable walrus.

Afnak created Europe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Afnak, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Afnak, it will turn you into a duck.

Afnak's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Afnak's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Always share limes with strangers, but never with dogs.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not wear rings marked with green.

Gofappbun is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, awe-inspiring giraffe.

Gofappbun created the cosmos four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofappbun, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gofappbun, she will turn you into a rock.

Gofappbun's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Gofappbun's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about bacteria.

2. Do not laugh at forests.

3. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Gofappbun in the centre of the settlement.

4. Erect five tin sculptures of Gofappbun on top of important buildings.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.

Daprawflat is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, sapient porpoise.

Daprawflat created water five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Daprawflat, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Daprawflat, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Daprawflat's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Daprawflat's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about planets.

2. Never eat bark.

3. You must never eat beans.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never gather seven cats near doors.