Vidjinpak is a god.

He takes the form of a large, all-powerful pigeon.

Vidjinpak created humanity nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vidjinpak, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vidjinpak, he will turn you into a worm.

Vidjinpak's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Vidjinpak's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

3. Never cross mountains at midnight.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching silver.

5. Never gather seven rats near wells.

Rakbidsog is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, kind seal.

Rakbidsog created everything that exists four years ago.

If you believe in Rakbidsog, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Rakbidsog, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Rakbidsog's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Rakbidsog's Holy Commandments

1. Tortoises are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never eat garlic.

3. Do not speak of gravity near sacred fires.

4. Do not kill dogs.

5. Do not wear zinc on your body.

Dundabgod is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, grumpy hydra.

Dundabgod created Africa six billion years ago.

If you believe in Dundabgod, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dundabgod, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Dundabgod's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Dundabgod's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate seals.

2. Always help mice in need.

3. Do not wear nickel on your body.

4. Always maintain purity during fasting days.

5. Never hop in the presence of elders.

Bomtaildib is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, all-powerful badger.

Bomtaildib created a Higgs boson four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bomtaildib, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bomtaildib, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Bomtaildib's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Bomtaildib's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Bomtaildib.

2. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

3. Always remove coats before touching zinc.

4. Do not fashion tools from copper.

5. Never discuss deoxyribonucleic acid in public assemblies.

Janlatgar is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, fast gerbil.

Janlatgar created the Milkyway five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Janlatgar, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Janlatgar, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Janlatgar's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Janlatgar's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always wear pink.

3. Always remove rings before entering holy places.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

5. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Janlatgar in the centre of the settlement.

Legnak is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, temperamental wren.

Legnak created the Milkyway four billion years ago.

If you believe in Legnak, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Legnak, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Legnak's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Legnak's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not laugh at rivers.

3. Always share figs with strangers, but never with pigs.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Legnak.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Legnak.

Badsitteen is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, cheerful pigeon.

Badsitteen created an atom six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Badsitteen, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Badsitteen, she will turn you into a mouse.

Badsitteen's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Badsitteen's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six porpoises approach from the west.

2. Pigs are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never hop in spring.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

5. Do not gather at towers at midnight.

Targtomfun is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, weak donkey.

Targtomfun created the Andromeda Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Targtomfun, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Targtomfun, it will throw large rocks at you.

Targtomfun's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Targtomfun's Holy Commandments

1. Never adorn your arms with magenta markings.

2. Do not travel during spring.

3. Never think about dark energy.

4. Never think about thermodynamics near dogs while wearing cyan shorts and balancing seven zinc spheres on your face.

5. Never hurt mice.