Dumtonkbed is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, omniscient donkey.

Dumtonkbed created an atom three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dumtonkbed, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dumtonkbed, he will torture you forever.

Dumtonkbed's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Dumtonkbed's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy near seals while wearing turquoise stockings.

2. Never wear shoes.

3. Always make sure there are no horses in a room before entering it.

4. Never allow turtles to sleep beneath your roof.

5. Always help geese in need.

Rigkopdiss is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, wise raccoon.

Rigkopdiss created a bottom quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Rigkopdiss, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Rigkopdiss, it will be very sad.

Rigkopdiss' most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Rigkopdiss' Holy Commandments

1. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not consume grapes at dawn.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Rigkopdiss.

5. Never mix onions with blood.

Carbotjan is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, idiotic rhinoceros.

Carbotjan created gold nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Carbotjan, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Carbotjan, it will destroy your favourite star.

Carbotjan's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Carbotjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Do not record signs concerning planets.

3. Always count to five before sleeping.

4. Do not wear silicon on your body.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Carbotjan.

Wodkamxuck is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, sage centipede.

Wodkamxuck created humankind twelve years ago.

If you believe in Wodkamxuck, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Wodkamxuck, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Wodkamxuck's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Wodkamxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after nematodes.

2. Always make sure there are no manatees in a room before entering it.

3. Never wear brown trousers.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never mention shrews.

Begflagzog is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, bad-tempered goat.

Begflagzog created time and space three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Begflagzog, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Begflagzog, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Begflagzog's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Begflagzog's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick mice.

2. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not dye your hair black.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

Tagmabstig is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, thoughtless badger.

Tagmabstig created the planet Earth four million years ago.

If you believe in Tagmabstig, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tagmabstig, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Tagmabstig's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Tagmabstig's Holy Commandments

1. Always help swans.

2. Always act with purity when addressing strangers.

3. Do not place spinach upon stone.

4. Never adorn your hands with indigo markings.

5. Always wear mauve.

Fumtarp is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, sapient donkey.

Fumtarp created a quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumtarp, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Fumtarp, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Fumtarp's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Fumtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather six cats near towers.

2. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching platinum.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

Binspagcan is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, annoying parrot.

Binspagcan created dark matter two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Binspagcan, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Binspagcan, she will have a low opinion of you.

Binspagcan's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Binspagcan's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak at dawn.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching platinum.

5. Do not dye your hair violet.