Funtamcim is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, humorless troll.

Funtamcim created oxygen seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Funtamcim, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Funtamcim, she will come to you in dreams.

Funtamcim's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Funtamcim's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear gray.

2. Never wear stockings.

3. Always act with obedience.

4. Never feed beans to whales while wearing rings.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.

Hakjabsabhab is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, staggering butterfly.

Hakjabsabhab created an up quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakjabsabhab, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hakjabsabhab, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Hakjabsabhab's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Hakjabsabhab's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not kill dogs.

3. Never feed beans to pigs while wearing skirts.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never eat rice.

Tailkinstip is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, compassionate dolphin.

Tailkinstip created Europe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tailkinstip, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tailkinstip, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Tailkinstip's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Tailkinstip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never talk about dark energy near capybaras while wearing cyan dresses and balancing eight lead spheres on your face.

3. Never talk about nucleic acids.

4. Do not contemplate optics during the night.

5. Never curse while facing north.

Bapwegfen is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, two-faced chinchilla.

Bapwegfen created a photon four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bapwegfen, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bapwegfen, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Bapwegfen's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Bapwegfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never stain your legs with purple.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never write about enzymes.

4. Dolphins are not to be trusted.

5. You must love Bapwegfen.

Sawdimyikyat is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, fussy eagle.

Sawdimyikyat created the Cigar Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sawdimyikyat, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Sawdimyikyat, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Sawdimyikyat's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Sawdimyikyat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime near mites while wearing pink rings and balancing four titanium spheres on your feet.

2. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

3. Do not count beyond five during ceremonies.

4. Never write about nucleic acids.

5. Always make sure there are no great tits in a building before entering it.

Flisingcem is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, astonishing camel.

Flisingcem created a bottom quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flisingcem, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Flisingcem, it will turn you into a plant.

Flisingcem's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Flisingcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

2. Never think about stars.

3. Never wear yellow scarves on sacred days.

4. Hide from white squirrels for they are unholy.

5. Never speak of fate in the presence of priests.

Damhammif is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, emotional dryad.

Damhammif created a top quark four years ago.

If you believe in Damhammif, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Damhammif, she will turn you into a tree.

Damhammif's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Damhammif's Holy Commandments

1. Never discuss amino acids in public assemblies.

2. Do not eat lentils.

3. Erect six copper sculptures of Damhammif on top of important buildings.

4. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a room before entering it.

5. Respect your elders.

Vedligwod is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, strong unicorn.

Vedligwod created a top quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vedligwod, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Vedligwod, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Vedligwod's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Vedligwod's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

2. Never speak at midday.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching copper.

4. Do not speak about spinach.

5. Never fashion tools from bone.