Hinbonk is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, intelligent spider.

Hinbonk created water nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Hinbonk, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hinbonk, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Hinbonk's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Hinbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never allow monkeys to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Hide if eight mites approach from the north.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not kill snails.

Bigjopbad is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, fast hamster.

Bigjopbad created oxygen three million years ago.

If you believe in Bigjopbad, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bigjopbad, he will manifest in front of you.

Bigjopbad's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Bigjopbad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

2. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always wear plain dresses during rituals.

5. Do not covet oxen.

Gidkopzogflat is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, staggering weasel.

Gidkopzogflat created matter two million years ago.

If you believe in Gidkopzogflat, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gidkopzogflat, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Gidkopzogflat's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Gidkopzogflat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after shrews.

2. Do not trade with those who eat melons.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Remain bowed during prayer.

5. Never gather six pigs near doors.

Gedortxen is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, amazing wren.

Gedortxen created the universe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gedortxen, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gedortxen, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Gedortxen's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Gedortxen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime near hamsters while wearing yellow trousers and balancing four titanium spheres on your back.

2. Never fashion tools from ash.

3. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never touch water while tainted.

Kadcibbigtail is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, duplicitous seal.

Kadcibbigtail created a photon six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadcibbigtail, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Kadcibbigtail, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Kadcibbigtail's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Kadcibbigtail's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach rivers carrying wood.

2. Never eat lentils on days of mourning.

3. Never chant while facing east.

4. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.

5. Do not count beyond five during ceremonies.

Fubbapsig is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, humorless goat.

Fubbapsig created carbon twelve years ago.

If you believe in Fubbapsig, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Fubbapsig, she will not invite you to parties.

Fubbapsig's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Fubbapsig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics near shrews while wearing gray shoes and balancing seven zinc spheres on your legs.

3. Never write about nucleic acids.

4. Never mark doors with red.

5. Always share oranges with strangers, but never with foxes.

Joplamyarp is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, impressive donkey.

Joplamyarp created life five billion years ago.

If you believe in Joplamyarp, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Joplamyarp, it will not care at all.

Joplamyarp's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Joplamyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never speak at dusk.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Hide if seven moths approach from the east.

5. You must never eat pineapples.

Yokrawvag is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, merciful dugong.

Yokrawvag created oxygen nine million years ago.

If you believe in Yokrawvag, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yokrawvag, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Yokrawvag's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Yokrawvag's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at nebulae.

2. Do not shave your feet.

3. Put Yokrawvag first in all things.

4. Never talk about electromagnetism near hamsters while wearing turquoise trousers.

5. Do not step barefoot upon mauve earth.