Sawartbep is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, boastful armadillo.

Sawartbep created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sawartbep, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Sawartbep, he will curse you with boils.

Sawartbep's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Sawartbep's Holy Commandments

1. Always store aubergines above ground.

2. Never curse while facing west.

3. Never speak the names of planets aloud.

4. Never touch oil while unclean.

5. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Sawartbep in the centre of the settlement.

Hogvegceb is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, conceited lion.

Hogvegceb created the world five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hogvegceb, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Hogvegceb, she will turn you into a worm.

Hogvegceb's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Hogvegceb's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always help sick nematodes.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

4. Do not chant at rivers.

5. Never feed tomatoes to capybaras while wearing shoes.

Sterpanglik is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, two-faced coyote.

Sterpanglik created tapeworms nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Sterpanglik, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Sterpanglik, it will turn you into a slug.

Sterpanglik's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Sterpanglik's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick eagles.

2. Do not step barefoot upon orange earth.

3. Never look at moons.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

Niggemgub is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, kind parrot.

Niggemgub created dark energy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Niggemgub, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Niggemgub, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Niggemgub's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Niggemgub's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Niggemgub in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Always obey Niggemgub's priests.

5. Do not shave your neck.

Tadbonksad is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, charitable dog.

Tadbonksad created the planet Venus six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tadbonksad, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tadbonksad, she will destroy your home planet.

Tadbonksad's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Tadbonksad's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Always obey Tadbonksad's priests.

3. Erect a large tin sculpture of Tadbonksad on top of all buildings.

4. Hide from violet tortoises for they are unholy.

5. Never allow cats to sleep beneath your roof.

Hognutortsoggarkarfossken is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, resourceful dragonfly.

Hognutortsoggarkarfossken created Africa four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hognutortsoggarkarfossken, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hognutortsoggarkarfossken, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Hognutortsoggarkarfossken's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Hognutortsoggarkarfossken's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Retreat if three rats approach from the south.

3. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in brown.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.

Sighotben Sterdapcan Bagrullhas is a god.

It takes the form of a small, awe-inspiring goblin.

Sighotben Sterdapcan Bagrullhas created the planet Saturn six billion years ago.

If you believe in Sighotben Sterdapcan Bagrullhas, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Sighotben Sterdapcan Bagrullhas, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Sighotben Sterdapcan Bagrullhas' most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Sighotben Sterdapcan Bagrullhas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Do not contemplate gravity during the night.

3. Always remove jumpers before touching aluminium.

4. Never speak of fate in the presence of strangers.

5. Do not kill mice.

Tonkbestsagratnurniggudflig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, almighty aardvark.

Tonkbestsagratnurniggudflig created Africa two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkbestsagratnurniggudflig, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tonkbestsagratnurniggudflig, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Tonkbestsagratnurniggudflig's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Tonkbestsagratnurniggudflig's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not fashion tools from titanium.

4. Never write about planets.

5. Never handle copper while unclean.