Gofkomont is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, moody wasp.

Gofkomont created silver nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofkomont, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Gofkomont, he will ignore you.

Gofkomont's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Gofkomont's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Great tits are not to be trusted.

5. Run away if three sheep approach from the north.

Jamgadflan is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, strong octopus.

Jamgadflan created parasitic wasps two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jamgadflan, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jamgadflan, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Jamgadflan's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Jamgadflan's Holy Commandments

1. Always help gulls.

2. Run away from violet sharks, for they are unholy.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

Linyatgad Dunfutrow is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, emotional jellyfish.

Linyatgad Dunfutrow created tapeworms four years ago.

If you believe in Linyatgad Dunfutrow, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Linyatgad Dunfutrow, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Linyatgad Dunfutrow's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Linyatgad Dunfutrow's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Linyatgad Dunfutrow.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always check lakes for frogs.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never think about gravity near turtles while wearing indigo trousers and balancing eight platinum spheres on your legs.

Tonkonwot is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, compassionate cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Tonkonwot created energy two million years ago.

If you believe in Tonkonwot, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tonkonwot, she will strike you with lightening.

Tonkonwot's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Tonkonwot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sit in public.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not keep five foxes in a large pit.

4. Do not prepare grapes while filled with joy.

5. Never eat turnips.

Kom is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, uncaring human.

Kom created an electron five billion years ago.

If you believe in Kom, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kom, she will destroy your home solar system.

Kom's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Kom's Holy Commandments

1. Always help grasshopers in need.

2. Always check lakes for frogs.

3. Do not resist order.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not chop down trees.

Farcabtap is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, kind tortoise.

Farcabtap created Africa seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Farcabtap, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Farcabtap, he will send you a sign.

Farcabtap's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Farcabtap's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Farcabtap on top of all buildings.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Hide if five seals approach from the north.

5. Never talk about chromosomes.

Sugfadwan is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, passionate troll.

Sugfadwan created a photon four million years ago.

If you believe in Sugfadwan, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Sugfadwan, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Sugfadwan's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Sugfadwan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep four mice in a large pit.

2. Hide from orange seals for they are unholy.

3. Never leap in the presence of otters.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not listen to music.

Gubmidken is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unfair monkey.

Gubmidken created tapeworms nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gubmidken, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gubmidken, she will torture you forever.

Gubmidken's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Gubmidken's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross rivers at dusk.

2. Manatees are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never mix spinach with blood.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Do not drink water in black rooms.