Latbarngud Ceptanham is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, two-faced troll.

Latbarngud Ceptanham created everything that exists six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Latbarngud Ceptanham, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Latbarngud Ceptanham, he will destroy your home solar system.

Latbarngud Ceptanham's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Latbarngud Ceptanham's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in white.

2. Never handle silver while unclean.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Latbarngud Ceptanham.

5. Do not kill gulls.

Apptifren is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, intelligent jaguar.

Apptifren created carbon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Apptifren, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Apptifren, it will cry a lot.

Apptifren's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Apptifren's Holy Commandments

1. Apptifren must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never eat gooseberries.

3. Never bounce in winter.

4. Never feed parsnips to aardvarks while wearing hats.

5. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

Nigquamgab is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, self-assured sheep.

Nigquamgab created the planet Jupiter two million years ago.

If you believe in Nigquamgab, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nigquamgab, he will turn you into a frog.

Nigquamgab's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Nigquamgab's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Nigquamgab.

3. Do not sing at mountains.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never approach forests carrying wood.

Zodtunstip Bessbiss is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, bad-tempered newt.

Zodtunstip Bessbiss created a down quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zodtunstip Bessbiss, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Zodtunstip Bessbiss, she will manifest in front of you.

Zodtunstip Bessbiss' most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Zodtunstip Bessbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about pineapples.

2. Never prepare garlic during winter.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not take Zodtunstip Bessbiss' name in vain.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

Jatquambet is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, all-powerful lizard.

Jatquambet created the Whirlpool Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jatquambet, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Jatquambet, she will turn you into a rat.

Jatquambet's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Jatquambet's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce near snakes.

2. Never leap in the presence of ants.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never fashion tools from wood.

5. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Jatquambet on top of all buildings.

Quafdunfed is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, impressive beaver.

Quafdunfed created Asia four years ago.

If you believe in Quafdunfed, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Quafdunfed, it will turn you into a worm.

Quafdunfed's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Quafdunfed's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never gather eight dogs in one place.

3. You must love Quafdunfed.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never fashion tools from ash.

Siggadmeg is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, witless snail.

Siggadmeg created dark matter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Siggadmeg, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Siggadmeg, she will turn you into a puffin.

Siggadmeg's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Siggadmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Siggadmeg must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not speak about onions.

3. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not count beyond nine during ceremonies.

Lenvedpod is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, clever crab.

Lenvedpod created the Virgo Supercluster four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lenvedpod, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lenvedpod, it will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Lenvedpod's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Lenvedpod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair purple.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Lenvedpod.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never talk about moons.

5. Do not sit in public.