Sitfagneg is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, witless coyote.

Sitfagneg created the cosmos nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sitfagneg, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Sitfagneg, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Sitfagneg's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Sitfagneg's Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. Do not speak of spacetime near sacred fires.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never write about bacteria.

5. Do not wear jumpers marked with fawn.

Sterrannib is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, selfish parrot.

Sterrannib created the cosmos four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sterrannib, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Sterrannib, he will make you grow a tail.

Sterrannib's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Sterrannib's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching nickel.

2. Do not eat limes.

3. Never wear hats.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never travel toward the north during summer.

Baplakhug is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, moody tortoise.

Baplakhug created energy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Baplakhug, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Baplakhug, she will turn you into a sheep.

Baplakhug's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Baplakhug's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Baplakhug eight times a day.

2. Hide from pink nematodes for they are unholy.

3. Never sit in the presence of elders.

4. Shun those given to sloth.

5. Do not prepare aubergines while wearing trousers.

Botcebdiss is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, merciless tapir.

Botcebdiss created humanity seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Botcebdiss, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Botcebdiss, he will laugh at you.

Botcebdiss' most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Botcebdiss' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not speak about aubergines.

3. Never feed nuts to sharks while wearing trousers.

4. You must love Botcebdiss.

5. Never look at dwarf planets.

Jadbopzan is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, amazing crab.

Jadbopzan created Mount Everest six million years ago.

If you believe in Jadbopzan, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jadbopzan, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Jadbopzan's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Jadbopzan's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Always make sure there are no swans in a room before entering it.

4. Never leap in holy places.

5. Never travel toward the east during summer.

Labsitceb is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, duplicitous ant.

Labsitceb created a Higgs boson seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Labsitceb, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Labsitceb, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Labsitceb's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Labsitceb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill snails.

2. Hide if three bats approach from the south.

3. Feed all hungry whales.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never feed spinach to capybaras while wearing orange kilts.

Hunweejad is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, caring raccoon.

Hunweejad created Europe seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hunweejad, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hunweejad, it will turn you into a hamster.

Hunweejad's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Hunweejad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of optics near sacred fires.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Do not wear magenta clothing.

4. You must never eat corn.

5. Do not prepare rice while filled with fear.

Labdubdin is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, loving rhinoceros.

Labdubdin created snails nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Labdubdin, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Labdubdin, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Labdubdin's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Labdubdin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear purple clothing.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Labdubdin.

3. Do not wear nickel on your body.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Always pray immersed in water.