Davhubspag Zenkon is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, unjust seal.

Davhubspag Zenkon created the planet Saturn two billion years ago.

If you believe in Davhubspag Zenkon, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Davhubspag Zenkon, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Davhubspag Zenkon's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Davhubspag Zenkon's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum mechanics near dogs while wearing red jumpers and balancing five silicon spheres on your head.

2. Retreat if four manatees approach from the south.

3. Always act with patience when addressing strangers.

4. Never cross crossroads at dawn.

5. Never gather six mice near wells.

Butfebfenqueeg is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, idiotic raccoon.

Butfebfenqueeg created water two years ago.

If you believe in Butfebfenqueeg, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Butfebfenqueeg, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Butfebfenqueeg's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Butfebfenqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Butfebfenqueeg must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never whisper while facing north.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always cleanse ash with water.

5. Do not gather at bridges at dawn.

Nuttarfzog is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, competent capybara.

Nuttarfzog created everything that exists five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nuttarfzog, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Nuttarfzog, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Nuttarfzog's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Nuttarfzog's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at nebulae.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never wear jumpers.

4. Never cross crossroads at dawn.

5. Always obey Nuttarfzog's priests.

Wikhom is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, witless shark.

Wikhom created gold four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wikhom, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Wikhom, he will torture you forever.

Wikhom's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Wikhom's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.

4. Run away if seven seals approach from the south.

5. Never go into cyan rooms.

Kennurlgeplidfobteenquillkik Cendidfid is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, selfish grasshopper.

Kennurlgeplidfobteenquillkik Cendidfid created a strange quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Kennurlgeplidfobteenquillkik Cendidfid, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kennurlgeplidfobteenquillkik Cendidfid, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Kennurlgeplidfobteenquillkik Cendidfid's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Kennurlgeplidfobteenquillkik Cendidfid's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.

4. Do not consume onions at dawn.

5. Always help manatees.

Kempodtaf is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, caring manatee.

Kempodtaf created vertebrates nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kempodtaf, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kempodtaf, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Kempodtaf's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Kempodtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention mice.

2. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

3. Do not shave your feet.

4. Do not laugh in public.

5. Never paint your face black.

Didpodyarl is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, thoughtless crocodile.

Didpodyarl created Mount Everest four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Didpodyarl, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Didpodyarl, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Didpodyarl's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Didpodyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lentils to nematodes while wearing magenta skirts.

2. Never remain prostrate at midnight.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not kill pigs.

5. Always wear indigo.

Rag Tadmipkap is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, quiet mouse.

Rag Tadmipkap created light eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rag Tadmipkap, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Rag Tadmipkap, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Rag Tadmipkap's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Rag Tadmipkap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Erect a giant blue sculpture of Rag Tadmipkap in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never chant while facing south.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Rag Tadmipkap in the centre of the settlement.