Flowtiglik is a god.

He takes the form of a small, almighty rat.

Flowtiglik created the solar system eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flowtiglik, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Flowtiglik, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Flowtiglik's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Flowtiglik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always remove ear rings before touching silver.

4. Flowtiglik loves rats, so they must be honoured.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Flowtiglik.

Vilraklam is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, kind cat.

Vilraklam created Africa six billion years ago.

If you believe in Vilraklam, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Vilraklam, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Vilraklam's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Vilraklam's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat nematodes with great respect.

2. Do not keep six eagles in a large pit.

3. Never prepare grapes during summer.

4. You must pray to Vilraklam three times a day.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

Figgonfun is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, two-faced whale.

Figgonfun created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven million years ago.

If you believe in Figgonfun, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Figgonfun, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Figgonfun's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Figgonfun's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always act with obedience.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not study bacteria on holy days.

Ditkargonbad is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, loving lobster.

Ditkargonbad created the cosmos three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ditkargonbad, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Ditkargonbad, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Ditkargonbad's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Ditkargonbad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon blue earth.

2. Remain bowed during prayer.

3. Always make sure there are no birds in a room before entering it.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never proclaim while facing north.

Gumrendib is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, calm scorpion.

Gumrendib created the solar system nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gumrendib, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gumrendib, she will turn you into a snail.

Gumrendib's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Gumrendib's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near mites while wearing pink skirts and balancing three silicon spheres on your back.

2. Never remain kneeling at midnight.

3. Never hurt grasshopers.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching copper.

Fodligtit is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, tiresome raccoon.

Fodligtit created life four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fodligtit, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Fodligtit, it will destroy your home solar system.

Fodligtit's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Fodligtit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare cherries while wearing shoes.

2. Heed all dreams.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Always cleanse oil with water.

Fossfudbif is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, staggering goblin.

Fossfudbif created the world three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fossfudbif, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Fossfudbif, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Fossfudbif's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Fossfudbif's Holy Commandments

1. Never leap in holy places.

2. Never mark doors with yellow.

3. Do not prepare tomatoes while filled with envy.

4. Do not study photosynthesis on holy days.

5. Feed all hungry ducks.

Besstonjap is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, tiresome human.

Besstonjap created water three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Besstonjap, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Besstonjap, she will refuse to believe in you.

Besstonjap's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Besstonjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix limes with ash.

2. Never stain your neck with black.

3. Never touch oil while unclean.

4. Do not fashion sacred items from stone.

5. Never feed lemons to dogs while wearing boots.