Abbetshav is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, vain seal.

Abbetshav created light eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Abbetshav, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Abbetshav, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Abbetshav's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Abbetshav's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of gooseberries to snakes while wearing pink kilts.

2. Always look after injured seals.

3. Never talk about special relativity near sharks while wearing orange shoes.

4. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

5. Abbetshav loves ducks, so they must be honoured.

Nullkembud is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, clever fairy.

Nullkembud created matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nullkembud, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Nullkembud, he will destroy your home solar system.

Nullkembud's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Nullkembud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never chant while facing west.

4. Always help foxes in need.

5. Do not make images of living things.

Kabmipbanmot is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, deceitful mouse.

Kabmipbanmot created Asia four years ago.

If you believe in Kabmipbanmot, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Kabmipbanmot, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Kabmipbanmot's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Kabmipbanmot's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into yellow rooms.

2. Never discuss evolution by means of natural selection in public assemblies.

3. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.

5. Never approach crossroads carrying wood.

Bossyaktag is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, two-faced badger.

Bossyaktag created a strange quark two years ago.

If you believe in Bossyaktag, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bossyaktag, it will turn you into a goat.

Bossyaktag's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Bossyaktag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place peanuts upon stone.

2. Erect eight carbon sculptures of Bossyaktag on top of important buildings.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not drink alcohol.

Wabzimbod is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, weak penguin.

Wabzimbod created tapeworms three billion years ago.

If you believe in Wabzimbod, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Wabzimbod, it will send you a sign.

Wabzimbod's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Wabzimbod's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle gold while unclean.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Hide if five hamsters approach from the east.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never think about quantum gravity.

Negpangfotmet is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, all-knowing seal.

Negpangfotmet created Europe three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Negpangfotmet, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Negpangfotmet, she will refuse to believe in you.

Negpangfotmet's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Negpangfotmet's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop near goats.

2. Never bounce in the presence of porpoises.

3. Never feed lots of cherries to bats while wearing gray tights.

4. Do not shave your feet.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

Gomstaftim is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, prudent shark.

Gomstaftim created a top quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gomstaftim, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Gomstaftim, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Gomstaftim's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Gomstaftim's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Hide if eight frogs approach from the south.

4. Never think about dark energy near badgers while wearing magenta dresses and balancing nine zinc spheres on your arms.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Gomstaftim.

Sablambem is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, witty butterfly.

Sablambem created the planet Venus three billion years ago.

If you believe in Sablambem, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Sablambem, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Sablambem's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Sablambem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your feet.

2. Never cross forests at dawn.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always count to three before sleeping.

5. Always help sick nematodes.