Fotarnbarn is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, all-knowing manatee.

Fotarnbarn created water seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fotarnbarn, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fotarnbarn, it will turn you into a snail.

Fotarnbarn's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Fotarnbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not consume peanuts at dawn.

2. Never bounce in the presence of sheep.

3. Always help swans.

4. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in fawn.

5. Fotarnbarn loves geese, so they must be honoured.

Gepveglid is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, kind crab.

Gepveglid created the planet Mars seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gepveglid, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Gepveglid, she will come to you in dreams.

Gepveglid's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Gepveglid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill squirrels.

2. Always help sick grasshopers.

3. Never approach crossroads carrying clay.

4. Always cleanse ash with water.

5. Never bounce in summer.

Figdansid is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, caring fish.

Figdansid created dark matter nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Figdansid, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Figdansid, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Figdansid's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Figdansid's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Shun those given to vanity.

4. Do not speak sacred words in winter.

5. Do not consume beans at dawn.

Quamcinkip is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, unjust eagle.

Quamcinkip created the world eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quamcinkip, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quamcinkip, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Quamcinkip's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Quamcinkip's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear ear rings.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never think about quantum gravity.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

Loplogxin is a god.

It takes the form of a large, tranquil hydra.

Loplogxin created snails two years ago.

If you believe in Loplogxin, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Loplogxin, it will turn you into a slug.

Loplogxin's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Loplogxin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair magenta.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

4. Never speak aloud of names.

5. Never gather nine voles near doors.

Karhubquillham is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, slow wren.

Karhubquillham created dark matter two million years ago.

If you believe in Karhubquillham, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Karhubquillham, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Karhubquillham's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Karhubquillham's Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

3. Never think about black holes.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

Wanhotlog is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, astonishing octopus.

Wanhotlog created viruses five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wanhotlog, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Wanhotlog, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Wanhotlog's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Wanhotlog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Wanhotlog's name in vain.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never think about gravity near capybaras while wearing cyan hats and balancing six titanium spheres on your head.

Tikkapjab Higyarlnarl is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, awesome cobra.

Tikkapjab Higyarlnarl created a top quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Tikkapjab Higyarlnarl, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tikkapjab Higyarlnarl, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Tikkapjab Higyarlnarl's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Tikkapjab Higyarlnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

2. Hide from yellow great tits for they are unholy.

3. Never touch oil while tainted.

4. You must pray to Tikkapjab Higyarlnarl four times a day.

5. Never curse while facing south.