Lagstanvanbep is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, awesome slug.

Lagstanvanbep created the Black Eye Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagstanvanbep, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lagstanvanbep, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Lagstanvanbep's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Lagstanvanbep's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if three eagles approach from the east.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not fashion tools from nickel.

4. Always act with patience when addressing priests.

5. Always store oranges above ground.

Volspagzig is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, proud fairy.

Volspagzig created the planet Earth nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Volspagzig, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Volspagzig, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Volspagzig's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Volspagzig's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in moonlight.

2. Always act with purity when addressing strangers.

3. Always remove rings before touching zinc.

4. Never wear stockings.

5. Never leap in winter.

Jopbassrakzod is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, conceited snake.

Jopbassrakzod created bats six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopbassrakzod, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Jopbassrakzod, he will cry a lot.

Jopbassrakzod's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Jopbassrakzod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never allow geese to witness sacred rites.

3. Jopbassrakzod loves cats, so they must be respected.

4. Do not speak of thermodynamics near sacred fires.

5. Never gather six mites near walls.

Tarnulwee is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, kind hyena.

Tarnulwee created the planet Jupiter four million years ago.

If you believe in Tarnulwee, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tarnulwee, it will turn you into a goat.

Tarnulwee's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Tarnulwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never whisper while facing west.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not contemplate special relativity during the night.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not dye your hair gray.

Witnillab is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, proud camel.

Witnillab created the cosmos seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Witnillab, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Witnillab, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Witnillab's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Witnillab's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about optics.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching tin.

5. Do not chop down trees.

Libtomfen is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, annoying otter.

Libtomfen created dark matter three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Libtomfen, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Libtomfen, he will turn you into a duck.

Libtomfen's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Libtomfen's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never gather six ants near wells.

3. Libtomfen must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not gather at walls at midnight.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

Hammobqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, merciful jaguar.

Hammobqueeg created the planet Jupiter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hammobqueeg, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hammobqueeg, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Hammobqueeg's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Hammobqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Do not prepare aubergines while filled with joy.

4. Never remain kneeling at midnight.

5. Do not drink alcohol.

Huncetdav Madxuckjam is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, witty wolf.

Huncetdav Madxuckjam created an up quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Huncetdav Madxuckjam, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Huncetdav Madxuckjam, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Huncetdav Madxuckjam's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Huncetdav Madxuckjam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never touch oil while unclean.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching aluminium.

4. Never approach mountains carrying stone.

5. Never allow rats to sleep beneath your roof.