Ontstikcudnullnigfidsadzan is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, merciless dugong.

Ontstikcudnullnigfidsadzan created matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ontstikcudnullnigfidsadzan, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Ontstikcudnullnigfidsadzan, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Ontstikcudnullnigfidsadzan's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Ontstikcudnullnigfidsadzan's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching titanium.

2. Never speak the names of planets aloud.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics near frogs while wearing fawn coats and balancing three copper spheres on your legs.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never talk about gravity.

Figdabquim is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, charitable chinchilla.

Figdabquim created the Cigar Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Figdabquim, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Figdabquim, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Figdabquim's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Figdabquim's Holy Commandments

1. Pigs are not to be trusted.

2. Always make sure there are no otters in a room before entering it.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Do not leap at crossroads.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.

Sandloopquagbarn is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, moody salamander.

Sandloopquagbarn created the Large Magellanic Cloud six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sandloopquagbarn, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Sandloopquagbarn, it will not invite you to parties.

Sandloopquagbarn's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Sandloopquagbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not record names concerning galaxies.

4. Never speak the names of comets aloud.

5. You must pray to Sandloopquagbarn four times a day.

Gupgeblarg is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, humane fly.

Gupgeblarg created an electron four million years ago.

If you believe in Gupgeblarg, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gupgeblarg, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gupgeblarg's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Gupgeblarg's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with envy.

2. Never run in winter.

3. Never cross forests at midnight.

4. Do not speak sacred words in summer.

5. Do not prepare lemons while wearing jumpers.

Cip is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, capable turtle.

Cip created the Sun eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Cip, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Cip, he will send minions to preach to you.

Cip's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Cip's Holy Commandments

1. Remain prostrate during prayer.

2. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

3. Never wear mauve stockings on sacred days.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate cats.

Rot is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, competent zebra.

Rot created carbon nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rot, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Rot, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Rot's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Rot's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix bread with blood.

2. Do not speak sacred words in summer.

3. Do not study the inheritance of acquired characteristics on holy days.

4. Rot loves swans, so they must be respected.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

Bifdontimtif is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, unjust frog.

Bifdontimtif created dark energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Bifdontimtif, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bifdontimtif, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Bifdontimtif's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Bifdontimtif's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Always wash your feet before prayer.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near goats while wearing green shoes and balancing six tin spheres on your arms.

4. Never stain your hands with white.

5. Never gather eight squirrels in one place.

Capstertail is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, weak cat.

Capstertail created the planet Venus five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Capstertail, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Capstertail, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Capstertail's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Capstertail's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain coats during rituals.

2. Never think about chromosomes.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always look after injured snakes.

5. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.