Kipwotquill is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, merciful elephant.

Kipwotquill created the planet Earth three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kipwotquill, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Kipwotquill, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Kipwotquill's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Kipwotquill's Holy Commandments

1. Shun those given to cruelty.

2. Always remove rings before touching nickel.

3. Never fashion tools from ash.

4. Never go into blue rooms.

5. Never paint your arms violet.

Podtandag is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, unsympathetic wyvern.

Podtandag created Mount Everest eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Podtandag, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Podtandag, it will come to you in dreams.

Podtandag's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Podtandag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare coconuts while wearing kilts.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never touch water while tainted.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Never fashion tools from wood.

Popnartbit is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, duplicitous weasel.

Popnartbit created bats eight million years ago.

If you believe in Popnartbit, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Popnartbit, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Popnartbit's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Popnartbit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never mark doors with purple.

3. Never feed lots of oranges to turtles while wearing indigo jumpers.

4. Never remain kneeling at dawn.

5. Do not step barefoot upon orange earth.

Arnhogcutbassin is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, effective gerbil.

Arnhogcutbassin created a photon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arnhogcutbassin, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Arnhogcutbassin, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Arnhogcutbassin's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Arnhogcutbassin's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in shadows.

2. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Arnhogcutbassin in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not take Arnhogcutbassin's name in vain.

4. Do not utter prayers while touching silicon.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

Bonklattun is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, overgenerous faun.

Bonklattun created light nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonklattun, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bonklattun, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Bonklattun's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Bonklattun's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never travel toward the east during winter.

3. Do not kill pigs.

4. Do not prepare strawberries while filled with anger.

5. Always help dogs.

Govfemwigarmfemgupcat is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, dishonourable jellyfish.

Govfemwigarmfemgupcat created the solar system three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Govfemwigarmfemgupcat, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Govfemwigarmfemgupcat, it will turn you into a snail.

Govfemwigarmfemgupcat's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Govfemwigarmfemgupcat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of gravity near sacred fires.

2. Always obey Govfemwigarmfemgupcat's priests.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

4. Never think about bacteria.

5. Remain prostrate during prayer.

Fonmidwit is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, self-confident wyvern.

Fonmidwit created an electron seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonmidwit, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fonmidwit, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Fonmidwit's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Fonmidwit's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry gulls.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

Yarllamort is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, competent hippopotamus.

Yarllamort created the planet Venus four billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarllamort, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Yarllamort, she will ignore you.

Yarllamort's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Yarllamort's Holy Commandments

1. Do not record names concerning comets.

2. Never touch oil while unclean.

3. Always wear brown.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never paint your chest cyan.