Dissflapwad is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, prudent turtle.

Dissflapwad created silver six million years ago.

If you believe in Dissflapwad, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dissflapwad, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Dissflapwad's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Dissflapwad's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never approach crossroads carrying ash.

3. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. You must never eat nuts.

Pagquamkam Rapgofcep is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, irritating coyote.

Pagquamkam Rapgofcep created oxygen four years ago.

If you believe in Pagquamkam Rapgofcep, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Pagquamkam Rapgofcep, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Pagquamkam Rapgofcep's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Pagquamkam Rapgofcep's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching platinum.

2. Do not laugh in public.

3. Never speak the names of nebulae aloud.

4. Pagquamkam Rapgofcep must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not make images of living things.

Cebrillcad is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, stupid raccoon.

Cebrillcad created snails three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cebrillcad, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Cebrillcad, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Cebrillcad's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Cebrillcad's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not listen to music.

Spagkadcetbest is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, sapient rat.

Spagkadcetbest created matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Spagkadcetbest, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Spagkadcetbest, she will remove you from existence.

Spagkadcetbest's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Spagkadcetbest's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce near voles.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not gather at wells at midday.

4. Never feed pineapples to gulls while wearing stockings.

5. Never gather three capybaras near bridges.

Minratpib is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, annoying capybara.

Minratpib created the planet Earth three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Minratpib, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Minratpib, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Minratpib's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Minratpib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not resist fate.

2. Never prepare aubergines during spring.

3. Do not kill aardvarks.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Pray only in firelight.

Listdodran Xucmitbeg is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, witty wombat.

Listdodran Xucmitbeg created the solar system nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Listdodran Xucmitbeg, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Listdodran Xucmitbeg, it will turn you into a puffin.

Listdodran Xucmitbeg's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Listdodran Xucmitbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Always wear plain dresses during rituals.

4. Always count to four before sleeping.

5. Do not prepare nuts while wearing hats.

Flisyakpon is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, unthinking cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Flisyakpon created Mount Everest eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flisyakpon, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Flisyakpon, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Flisyakpon's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Flisyakpon's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse ash with water.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Flisyakpon.

4. Never stain your chest with brown.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

Gepdusswee is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, stupid octopus.

Gepdusswee created a Higgs boson five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gepdusswee, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gepdusswee, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Gepdusswee's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Gepdusswee's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear indigo kilts on sacred days.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

3. Shun those given to vanity.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never handle copper while unclean.