Gutvigkom is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, two-faced dragon.

Gutvigkom created tapeworms nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutvigkom, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gutvigkom, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Gutvigkom's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Gutvigkom's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gutvigkom.

2. You must never eat lentils.

3. Never mark doors with magenta.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Shun those given to vanity.

Stigbidwig is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, smart porpoise.

Stigbidwig created the planet Venus five billion years ago.

If you believe in Stigbidwig, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Stigbidwig, she will be mildly annoyed.

Stigbidwig's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Stigbidwig's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Never feed melons to grasshopers while wearing gray boots.

Vonkdisscam is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, kind bee.

Vonkdisscam created the Black Eye Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkdisscam, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Vonkdisscam, he will be very unhappy.

Vonkdisscam's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Vonkdisscam's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

2. Do not shave your face.

3. Never discuss chromosomes in public assemblies.

4. Never sing in holy places.

5. Never record secrets.

Bemvogzim is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, dishonest scorpion.

Bemvogzim created vertebrates four million years ago.

If you believe in Bemvogzim, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bemvogzim, he will turn you into a tree.

Bemvogzim's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Bemvogzim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching silver.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not name children after swans.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

Bemsoggub is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, humorless unicorn.

Bemsoggub created the Tadpole Galaxy two million years ago.

If you believe in Bemsoggub, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bemsoggub, he will boil you in a big pot.

Bemsoggub's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Bemsoggub's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed nuts to snakes while wearing rings.

2. Always act with humility when addressing priests.

3. Never speak aloud of secrets.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force near tapirs while wearing indigo ear rings and balancing three aluminium spheres on your legs.

5. Do not resist chaos.

Bastteengon is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, self-assured dryad.

Bastteengon created Mount Everest three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bastteengon, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bastteengon, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Bastteengon's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Bastteengon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from wood.

2. You must pray to Bastteengon six times a day.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never think about moons.

Hogbellbed is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, unsympathetic rhinoceros.

Hogbellbed created water three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogbellbed, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hogbellbed, he will turn you into a frog.

Hogbellbed's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Hogbellbed's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with obedience when addressing elders.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

4. Never think about chlorophyll.

5. Always remove tights before touching gold.

Flappibhab Dottarpveg is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, ruthless fox.

Flappibhab Dottarpveg created the planet Saturn four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flappibhab Dottarpveg, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Flappibhab Dottarpveg, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Flappibhab Dottarpveg's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Flappibhab Dottarpveg's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching gold.

3. Never wear blue coats on sacred days.

4. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Flappibhab Dottarpveg.