Yartlarnbegmin is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, quiet grasshopper.

Yartlarnbegmin created life five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yartlarnbegmin, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Yartlarnbegmin, she will send you a sign.

Yartlarnbegmin's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Yartlarnbegmin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill hamsters.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate bats.

3. Do not study amino acids on holy days.

4. Do not place rice upon stone.

5. Never talk about special relativity near dogs while wearing mauve stockings and balancing nine gold spheres on your head.

Ragzogboss is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, deceitful wasp.

Ragzogboss created Africa three million years ago.

If you believe in Ragzogboss, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Ragzogboss, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Ragzogboss' most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Ragzogboss' Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. Do not keep three mites in a large pit.

3. Never paint your back violet.

4. Do not contemplate solid mechanics during the night.

5. Shun those given to sloth.

Mumyamcar is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, narcissistic squid.

Mumyamcar created the planet Saturn three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mumyamcar, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Mumyamcar, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Mumyamcar's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Mumyamcar's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow bats to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Always act with purity when addressing strangers.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a building before entering it.

Dubmabcun is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, deceitful dugong.

Dubmabcun created the Virgo Supercluster six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dubmabcun, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dubmabcun, it will turn you into a worm.

Dubmabcun's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Dubmabcun's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics.

2. Do not record numbers concerning comets.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Dubmabcun.

4. Put Dubmabcun first in all things.

5. Worship no other gods but Dubmabcun.

Fethottik is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, intelligent finch.

Fethottik created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Fethottik, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Fethottik, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Fethottik's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Fethottik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never look at comets.

3. Always act with purity when addressing priests.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Retreat if eight tapirs approach from the north.

Pitlagbog is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, passionate jaguar.

Pitlagbog created an up quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitlagbog, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Pitlagbog, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Pitlagbog's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Pitlagbog's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never hurt porpoises.

4. Do not sit in public.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.

Pigkabhin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, ruthless beaver.

Pigkabhin created the Sol system two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pigkabhin, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Pigkabhin, he will destroy your home solar system.

Pigkabhin's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Pigkabhin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill dolphins.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Pigkabhin must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never sprint in summer.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

Dampangmutrowvogparkkamril is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, kind yak.

Dampangmutrowvogparkkamril created a down quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dampangmutrowvogparkkamril, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Dampangmutrowvogparkkamril, he will turn you into a frog.

Dampangmutrowvogparkkamril's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Dampangmutrowvogparkkamril's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

2. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

3. Always remove hats before entering holy places.

4. Heed all signs.

5. Never hop in holy places.