Bagquartgess is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, temperamental mole.

Bagquartgess created dark energy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bagquartgess, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bagquartgess, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Bagquartgess' most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Bagquartgess' Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of galaxies into wood.

2. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

3. Never sing in summer.

4. Do not trade with those who eat grapes.

5. Erect eight lead sculptures of Bagquartgess on top of important buildings.

Tarpkenbaf is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, awesome pig.

Tarpkenbaf created snails two years ago.

If you believe in Tarpkenbaf, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tarpkenbaf, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Tarpkenbaf's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Tarpkenbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about optics.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

Larpjanquim Arndossnilzim is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, proud badger.

Larpjanquim Arndossnilzim created the Andromeda Galaxy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Larpjanquim Arndossnilzim, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Larpjanquim Arndossnilzim, it will turn you into a dog.

Larpjanquim Arndossnilzim's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Larpjanquim Arndossnilzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Always wash your feet before prayer.

3. Never point your hands toward the north during prayer.

4. Never think about amino acids.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

Fomdudkim is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, generous jellyfish.

Fomdudkim created the Virgo Supercluster nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Fomdudkim, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Fomdudkim, it will not invite you to parties.

Fomdudkim's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Fomdudkim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill tapirs.

2. Do not step barefoot upon white earth.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Run away if nine squirrels approach from the north.

Honquimxuck Bestsugjarn is a god.

It takes the form of a large, intelligent ant.

Honquimxuck Bestsugjarn created a down quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Honquimxuck Bestsugjarn, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Honquimxuck Bestsugjarn, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Honquimxuck Bestsugjarn's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Honquimxuck Bestsugjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak at dawn.

2. Never curse while facing south.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not hurt grasshopers.

Dunjopban is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, thoughtless narwhal.

Dunjopban created a quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dunjopban, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dunjopban, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Dunjopban's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Dunjopban's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never think ill of sick badgers.

3. Dunjopban must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

5. Never wear pink tights on sacred days.

Vabnibtarg is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, unfair troll.

Vabnibtarg created the Sun four million years ago.

If you believe in Vabnibtarg, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Vabnibtarg, it will turn you into a duck.

Vabnibtarg's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Vabnibtarg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

2. Never write about dwarf planets.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Pray towards the north.

Kentargarnkammin is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, competent camel.

Kentargarnkammin created gold eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kentargarnkammin, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Kentargarnkammin, it will curse you with boils.

Kentargarnkammin's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Kentargarnkammin's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Always count to six before sleeping.

3. Never allow hamsters to witness sacred rites.

4. Never bounce near voles.

5. Never stain your hands with white.