Funkemflig is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, grumpy finch.

Funkemflig created gold three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Funkemflig, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Funkemflig, she will send minions to preach to you.

Funkemflig's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Funkemflig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never think about ultrasonics near sheep while wearing purple hats and balancing six titanium spheres on your feet.

3. Never write about planets.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never look in ponds.

Flampidved Kommidnakgum is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, merciless fox.

Flampidved Kommidnakgum created viruses twelve years ago.

If you believe in Flampidved Kommidnakgum, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Flampidved Kommidnakgum, he will send minions to preach to you.

Flampidved Kommidnakgum's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Flampidved Kommidnakgum's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention sharks.

2. Always wear red.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.

Natgutstan is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, fussy troll.

Natgutstan created the Small Magellanic Cloud five billion years ago.

If you believe in Natgutstan, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Natgutstan, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Natgutstan's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Natgutstan's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick cats.

2. Run away if seven dogs approach from the north.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never talk about manatees.

5. Never wear skirts.

Tonkarmbess is a god.

She takes the form of a small, slow frog.

Tonkarmbess created an electron seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tonkarmbess, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tonkarmbess, she will be very unhappy.

Tonkarmbess' most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Tonkarmbess' Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tonkarmbess.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Tonkarmbess on top of all buildings.

4. Tonkarmbess loves seals, so they must be respected.

5. Never think about dwarf planets.

Yatarnfub is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, conceited dugong.

Yatarnfub created a Higgs boson seven million years ago.

If you believe in Yatarnfub, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Yatarnfub, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Yatarnfub's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Yatarnfub's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about nucleic acids.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Yatarnfub must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never talk about dark energy near snails while wearing pink skirts.

Ratdossdubbog is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, awe-inspiring bird.

Ratdossdubbog created gold two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ratdossdubbog, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Ratdossdubbog, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Ratdossdubbog's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Ratdossdubbog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Always make sure there are no snakes in a building before entering it.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never run near shrews.

5. Bats are not to be trusted.

Xemsatged is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, unjust chinchilla.

Xemsatged created silver twelve years ago.

If you believe in Xemsatged, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Xemsatged, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Xemsatged's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Xemsatged's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into pink rooms.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never talk about galaxies.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never talk about fire.

Linyaksig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, almighty cobra.

Linyaksig created an atom six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Linyaksig, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Linyaksig, she will turn you into a dog.

Linyaksig's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Linyaksig's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never think ill of sick turtles.

4. Do not shave your legs.

5. Erect a giant violet sculpture of Linyaksig in the centre of the settlement.