Kikfodyam is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, conceited dove.

Kikfodyam created snails eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kikfodyam, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kikfodyam, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Kikfodyam's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Kikfodyam's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not fashion tools from platinum.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never gather eight horses near wells.

Gidditrotrill is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, clever squirrel.

Gidditrotrill created a down quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gidditrotrill, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gidditrotrill, she will turn you into a duck.

Gidditrotrill's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Gidditrotrill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

2. Retreat if four pigs approach from the north.

3. Never allow rats to witness sacred rites.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never point your feet toward the west during prayer.

Quillortbet is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, pitiless dolphin.

Quillortbet created Europe twelve years ago.

If you believe in Quillortbet, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quillortbet, he will not invite you to parties.

Quillortbet's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Quillortbet's Holy Commandments

1. Always store cherries above ground.

2. Always make sure there are no swans in a room before entering it.

3. Always share spinach with strangers, but never with otters.

4. Never talk about dark matter near sheep while wearing blue ear rings.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Quillortbet.

Gessnurthen is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, moody swan.

Gessnurthen created an up quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gessnurthen, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gessnurthen, it will manifest in front of you.

Gessnurthen's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Gessnurthen's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse ash with water.

2. Always remove rings before touching gold.

3. Never talk about monkeys.

4. Do not consume melons at dawn.

5. Never talk about special relativity near mites while wearing turquoise shoes and balancing four carbon spheres on your chest.

Toflargshav is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, uncaring newt.

Toflargshav created the planet Saturn twelve years ago.

If you believe in Toflargshav, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Toflargshav, he will be mildly annoyed.

Toflargshav's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Toflargshav's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near goats while wearing violet dresses and balancing eight titanium spheres on your feet.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never record signs.

Tabjampoplan is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, happy raven.

Tabjampoplan created life eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tabjampoplan, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tabjampoplan, she will torture you forever.

Tabjampoplan's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Tabjampoplan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place apples upon stone.

2. Do not fashion tools from tin.

3. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Never chant in the presence of mites.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

Podflapont is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, humane jellyfish.

Podflapont created the planet Venus eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Podflapont, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Podflapont, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Podflapont's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Podflapont's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never allow aardvarks to witness sacred rites.

4. Do not prepare turnips while wearing trousers.

5. Mice are unholy and should not be approached.

Bethintig is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, witty jaguar.

Bethintig created an atom eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bethintig, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bethintig, it will ignore you.

Bethintig's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Bethintig's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with patience when addressing priests.

2. Always wash your neck before prayer.

3. Do not record signs concerning moons.

4. Always help grasshopers in need.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate seals.