Yimpogteen is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, egotistical hippopotamus.

Yimpogteen created bats three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yimpogteen, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Yimpogteen, she will throw large rocks at you.

Yimpogteen's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Yimpogteen's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to five before sleeping.

2. Never hurt monkeys.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching carbon.

5. Shun those given to vanity.

Misbutvonwapgomdobzag is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, fast troll.

Misbutvonwapgomdobzag created parasitic wasps four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Misbutvonwapgomdobzag, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Misbutvonwapgomdobzag, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Misbutvonwapgomdobzag's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Misbutvonwapgomdobzag's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never write about bacteria.

4. Never stain your hands with purple.

5. Never allow goats to witness sacred rites.

Tomwadxem is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, unsympathetic deer.

Tomwadxem created the Sun nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomwadxem, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tomwadxem, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Tomwadxem's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Tomwadxem's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.

2. Never approach forests carrying bone.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Always help monkeys.

5. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

Zanwanvan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, amazing pigeon.

Zanwanvan created a photon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Zanwanvan, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zanwanvan, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Zanwanvan's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Zanwanvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near hamsters while wearing red rings.

2. You must never eat peas.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zanwanvan.

4. Never think ill of sick badgers.

5. Never prepare spinach during summer.

Lipdav is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, strong mink.

Lipdav created the Whirlpool Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lipdav, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lipdav, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Lipdav's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Lipdav's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse oil with water.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Always remove shoes before entering holy places.

4. Never wear ear rings.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

Gidstafquarting is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, sage hamster.

Gidstafquarting created the Sol system six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gidstafquarting, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gidstafquarting, it will turn you into a snail.

Gidstafquarting's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Gidstafquarting's Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. You must never eat strawberries.

3. Always face the south before speaking sacred words.

4. Always look after injured ants.

5. Never handle aluminium while unclean.

Ladfutbut is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, weak bat.

Ladfutbut created the Large Magellanic Cloud six million years ago.

If you believe in Ladfutbut, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ladfutbut, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Ladfutbut's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Ladfutbut's Holy Commandments

1. Put Ladfutbut first in all things.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Ladfutbut.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate geese.

Wegban is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, irritating lobster.

Wegban created the world four billion years ago.

If you believe in Wegban, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Wegban, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Wegban's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Wegban's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a room before entering it.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not speak of the weak nuclear force near sacred fires.

5. Do not trade with those who eat beans.