Safomtont is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, stupid fairy.

Safomtont created life three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Safomtont, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Safomtont, he will destroy your home planet.

Safomtont's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Safomtont's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion tools from tin.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

Venbodfen is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, confident coyote.

Venbodfen created the Sol system two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Venbodfen, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Venbodfen, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Venbodfen's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Venbodfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about moths.

2. Do not keep eight dolphins in a large pit.

3. Always share gooseberries with strangers, but never with geese.

4. Always wear plain corsets during rituals.

5. Never paint your head mauve.

Afveencum is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, merciless crab.

Afveencum created the Sun four years ago.

If you believe in Afveencum, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Afveencum, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Afveencum's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Afveencum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place aubergines upon stone.

2. Never mention frogs.

3. Always share spinach with strangers, but never with voles.

4. You must never eat corn.

5. Retreat if six birds approach from the north.

Biggepvag is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, amazing donkey.

Biggepvag created Europe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Biggepvag, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Biggepvag, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Biggepvag's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Biggepvag's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Biggepvag.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Put Biggepvag first in all things.

5. Do not prepare corn while wearing coats.

Rotdobraw is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, egotistical chinchilla.

Rotdobraw created bats eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rotdobraw, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Rotdobraw, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Rotdobraw's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Rotdobraw's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about geese.

2. Never think ill of sick tortoises.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not speak about turnips.

5. Never talk about dark energy near seals while wearing fawn shirts.

Sasrotpit is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, witty cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Sasrotpit created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven million years ago.

If you believe in Sasrotpit, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Sasrotpit, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Sasrotpit's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Sasrotpit's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak of chaos in the presence of elders.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in gray.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never pray while filled with fear.

5. Do not take Sasrotpit's name in vain.

Boppogwip Tambellkancam is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, duplicitous yak.

Boppogwip Tambellkancam created everything that exists five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Boppogwip Tambellkancam, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Boppogwip Tambellkancam, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Boppogwip Tambellkancam's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Boppogwip Tambellkancam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear stockings marked with cyan.

2. Never talk about galaxies.

3. Never think ill of sick seals.

4. Never allow sharks to witness sacred rites.

5. Never eat grapes on fasting days.

Cabstipduss is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, competent tapir.

Cabstipduss created life twelve years ago.

If you believe in Cabstipduss, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Cabstipduss, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Cabstipduss' most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Cabstipduss' Holy Commandments

1. Never record numbers.

2. Always remove boots before touching platinum.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. You must love Cabstipduss.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.