Armdadmum is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, tranquil crocodile.

Armdadmum created Europe six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Armdadmum, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Armdadmum, she will come to you in dreams.

Armdadmum's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Armdadmum's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine geese approach from the west.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Never point your back toward the south during prayer.

4. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

5. Never talk about dark matter.

Volontxinbom is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, passionate armadillo.

Volontxinbom created the Large Magellanic Cloud five million years ago.

If you believe in Volontxinbom, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Volontxinbom, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Volontxinbom's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Volontxinbom's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Volontxinbom's priests.

2. Do not gather at towers at midday.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Pray towards the south.

Quamzogteen is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, vain parrot.

Quamzogteen created tapeworms seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Quamzogteen, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Quamzogteen, she will be very unhappy.

Quamzogteen's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Quamzogteen's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not study chlorophyll on holy days.

3. Never allow voles to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Quamzogteen.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

Popmegved is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, resourceful porpoise.

Popmegved created everything that exists eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Popmegved, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Popmegved, it will manifest in front of you.

Popmegved's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Popmegved's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never cross rivers at midday.

3. Always help sick whales.

4. Never speak of fate in the presence of strangers.

5. Never jump in the presence of horses.

Dobxuckdin Wotflygod is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, kind meerkat.

Dobxuckdin Wotflygod created dark energy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dobxuckdin Wotflygod, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Dobxuckdin Wotflygod, she will jump up and down on your head.

Dobxuckdin Wotflygod's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Dobxuckdin Wotflygod's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never gather four whales near doors.

3. Do not study chromosomes on holy days.

4. Always act with purity.

5. Never write about electromagnetism.

Tif is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, kind lion.

Tif created the Tadpole Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tif, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tif, she will remove you from existence.

Tif's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Tif's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle silver while unclean.

2. Never carve symbols of asteroids into wood.

3. Do not speak about apples.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

Listlikquartlarn is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, self-assured human.

Listlikquartlarn created the Black Eye Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Listlikquartlarn, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Listlikquartlarn, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Listlikquartlarn's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Listlikquartlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

2. Do not record secrets concerning galaxies.

3. Pray only in moonlight.

4. Never talk about pigs.

5. Do not eat coconuts.

Gampinnilpinkardag is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, pitiless ant.

Gampinnilpinkardag created the Andromeda Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gampinnilpinkardag, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Gampinnilpinkardag, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Gampinnilpinkardag's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Gampinnilpinkardag's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with pride.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never wear purple tights on sacred days.

4. Never sprint in holy places.

5. Never write about quantum mechanics.