Fumhimlam is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, competent wren.

Fumhimlam created viruses two billion years ago.

If you believe in Fumhimlam, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fumhimlam, it will send minions to preach to you.

Fumhimlam's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Fumhimlam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never fashion tools from wood.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Shun those given to cruelty.

5. Never paint your feet fawn.

Hapgupbonk is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, ill-tempered guinea pig.

Hapgupbonk created Europe three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapgupbonk, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Hapgupbonk, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Hapgupbonk's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Hapgupbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Shun those given to cruelty.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Hapgupbonk.

5. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

Volbatyog is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, strong otter.

Volbatyog created the Small Magellanic Cloud two million years ago.

If you believe in Volbatyog, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Volbatyog, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Volbatyog's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Volbatyog's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near tapirs while wearing gray tights.

2. Never write about dwarf planets.

3. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.

4. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.

5. Do not prepare lemons while wearing skirts.

Lanhudkip Narsterpang Gedrowman is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, unthinking jaguar.

Lanhudkip Narsterpang Gedrowman created parasitic wasps nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanhudkip Narsterpang Gedrowman, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Lanhudkip Narsterpang Gedrowman, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Lanhudkip Narsterpang Gedrowman's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Lanhudkip Narsterpang Gedrowman's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Lanhudkip Narsterpang Gedrowman on top of all buildings.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never remain kneeling at midnight.

4. Always wear black.

5. Do not eat peanuts.

Quimciphak is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, confident octopus.

Quimciphak created a top quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quimciphak, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Quimciphak, he will not invite you to parties.

Quimciphak's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Quimciphak's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from yellow gulls, for they are unholy.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics near dolphins while wearing green trousers.

3. Never approach rivers carrying bone.

4. Always cleanse oil with water.

5. Never speak of fate in the presence of elders.

Sandgudpom is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, ill-tempered dingo.

Sandgudpom created snails two years ago.

If you believe in Sandgudpom, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Sandgudpom, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Sandgudpom's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Sandgudpom's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Sandgudpom.

2. Hide from gray voles for they are unholy.

3. Do not wear pink clothing.

4. Never speak of balance in the presence of elders.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

Megsakxin Pitripkon Higpigomt is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, compassionate seal.

Megsakxin Pitripkon Higpigomt created an atom eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Megsakxin Pitripkon Higpigomt, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Megsakxin Pitripkon Higpigomt, he will make you grow a tail.

Megsakxin Pitripkon Higpigomt's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Megsakxin Pitripkon Higpigomt's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three eagles approach from the north.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Hide from red cats for they are unholy.

4. Never talk about stars.

5. Always treat rats with great respect.

Meggenfit is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, unfair fairy.

Meggenfit created tapeworms five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Meggenfit, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Meggenfit, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Meggenfit's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Meggenfit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching titanium.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never laugh in holy places.

4. Do not shave your back.

5. Do not dye your hair blue.