Lennutkik is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, emotional naga.

Lennutkik created a top quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lennutkik, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lennutkik, he will turn you into a worm.

Lennutkik's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Lennutkik's Holy Commandments

1. Always help cats in need.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never hurt tapirs.

5. Never bounce in holy places.

Bifrowyarl is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, merciful chinchilla.

Bifrowyarl created the world four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifrowyarl, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Bifrowyarl, she will try to impress you with trees.

Bifrowyarl's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Bifrowyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Dolphins are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Never wear red jumpers.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never think ill of sick horses.

Voldagbass is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, temperamental chinchilla.

Voldagbass created an up quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Voldagbass, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Voldagbass, he will turn you into a sheep.

Voldagbass' most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Voldagbass' Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Voldagbass.

2. Feed all hungry rats.

3. Never hurt manatees.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Retreat if five whales approach from the east.

Pakdagjatcum is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, competent toad.

Pakdagjatcum created a charm quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakdagjatcum, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pakdagjatcum, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Pakdagjatcum's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Pakdagjatcum's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if five ducks approach from the south.

2. Do not shave your face.

3. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Capybaras are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not cook food in pots.

Bigvoncub is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, loving troll.

Bigvoncub created a bottom quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bigvoncub, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bigvoncub, she will send you a sign.

Bigvoncub's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Bigvoncub's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

Xinwatkem is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, overgenerous guinea pig.

Xinwatkem created silver three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xinwatkem, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Xinwatkem, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Xinwatkem's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Xinwatkem's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never go into mauve rooms.

3. Do not dye your hair violet.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. You must love Xinwatkem.

Jammet is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, grumpy centipede.

Jammet created the planet Venus four years ago.

If you believe in Jammet, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jammet, she will not care.

Jammet's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Jammet's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat grapes.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Jammet loves great tits, so they must be respected.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Always look after injured grasshopers.

Bottampib is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, two-faced badger.

Bottampib created light seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bottampib, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bottampib, she will turn you into a puffin.

Bottampib's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Bottampib's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never sprint in the presence of eagles.

4. Never write about ribonucleic acid.

5. Do not skip in public.