Nullmifcarhap is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, humorless capybara.

Nullmifcarhap created the planet Jupiter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nullmifcarhap, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Nullmifcarhap, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Nullmifcarhap's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Nullmifcarhap's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention geese.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never fashion tools from ash.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not study eukaryotes on holy days.

Nanlappit Beppibsin is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, caring guinea pig.

Nanlappit Beppibsin created Asia two years ago.

If you believe in Nanlappit Beppibsin, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nanlappit Beppibsin, it will boil you in a big pot.

Nanlappit Beppibsin's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Nanlappit Beppibsin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity.

2. Heed all signs.

3. Do not eat melons.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching iron.

Farnvabgup is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, calm newt.

Farnvabgup created Mount Everest two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Farnvabgup, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Farnvabgup, he will not care.

Farnvabgup's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Farnvabgup's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never mark doors with purple.

3. Always remove ear rings before entering holy places.

4. Never pray while filled with anger.

5. Feed all hungry porpoises.

Mattimwat is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, impressive crab.

Mattimwat created a bottom quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mattimwat, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Mattimwat, she will not care.

Mattimwat's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Mattimwat's Holy Commandments

1. Erect five aluminium sculptures of Mattimwat on top of important buildings.

2. Never talk about spacetime near capybaras while wearing gray coats and balancing seven gold spheres on your hands.

3. Always look after injured tapirs.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never speak of chaos in the presence of children.

Libransog is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, sage jellyfish.

Libransog created life two years ago.

If you believe in Libransog, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Libransog, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Libransog's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Libransog's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse blood with water.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Heed all dreams.

Jipfarsog is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, dishonest shark.

Jipfarsog created humanity four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jipfarsog, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jipfarsog, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Jipfarsog's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Jipfarsog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not leap at rivers.

2. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

3. Always cleanse water with water.

4. Fast once a month.

5. You must pray to Jipfarsog eight times a day.

Bamfumyarlquartgen is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, blissful unicorn.

Bamfumyarlquartgen created the cosmos eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bamfumyarlquartgen, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bamfumyarlquartgen, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Bamfumyarlquartgen's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Bamfumyarlquartgen's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat rats with great respect.

2. Never allow foxes to witness sacred rites.

3. Never write about amino acids.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Heed all portents.

Queegcudquag is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, egotistical tortoise.

Queegcudquag created the cosmos four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Queegcudquag, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Queegcudquag, it will boil you in a big pot.

Queegcudquag's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Queegcudquag's Holy Commandments

1. Sharks are not to be trusted.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near monkeys while wearing mauve boots.

3. Never think about moons.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Always wear white.