Jinquamkim is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, omnipotent duck.

Jinquamkim created humanity two million years ago.

If you believe in Jinquamkim, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Jinquamkim, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Jinquamkim's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Jinquamkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of limes to tapirs while wearing pink kilts.

2. Retreat if seven whales approach from the east.

3. Do not take Jinquamkim's name in vain.

4. Always remove jumpers before entering holy places.

5. Never speak at midnight.

Nulhakbog is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, awe-inspiring bat.

Nulhakbog created the Sunflower Galaxy four years ago.

If you believe in Nulhakbog, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nulhakbog, it will not care at all.

Nulhakbog's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Nulhakbog's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Always help sick badgers.

3. Erect a large copper sculpture of Nulhakbog on top of all buildings.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Retreat if eight pigs approach from the south.

Cingessweg is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, boastful hyena.

Cingessweg created everything that exists eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cingessweg, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Cingessweg, he will remove you from existence.

Cingessweg's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Cingessweg's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cingessweg.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Never speak the names of asteroids aloud.

5. Never gather four monkeys in one place.

Dudlenomin is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, astonishing deer.

Dudlenomin created a photon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Dudlenomin, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dudlenomin, it will not care.

Dudlenomin's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Dudlenomin's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare corn during spring.

2. Always act with purity.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Never mix cherries with oil.

Godquatjipbatmonwottin is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, kind deer.

Godquatjipbatmonwottin created the planet Mars eight million years ago.

If you believe in Godquatjipbatmonwottin, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Godquatjipbatmonwottin, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Godquatjipbatmonwottin's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Godquatjipbatmonwottin's Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity near snakes while wearing cyan dresses.

3. Never mix carrots with ash.

4. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

5. Always stare at clouds.

Cissfudzennurl is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, vain wyvern.

Cissfudzennurl created the Sombrero Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cissfudzennurl, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Cissfudzennurl, it will turn you into a mouse.

Cissfudzennurl's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Cissfudzennurl's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak the names of moons aloud.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Pray towards the south.

Xucjamsad is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, all-knowing duck.

Xucjamsad created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucjamsad, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Xucjamsad, she will turn you into a dog.

Xucjamsad's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Xucjamsad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near shrews while wearing brown dresses and balancing four silicon spheres on your legs.

2. Always share onions with strangers, but never with ants.

3. Do not count beyond five during ceremonies.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Hamsters are not to be trusted.

Likgomjap is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, moody slug.

Likgomjap created a photon three million years ago.

If you believe in Likgomjap, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Likgomjap, he will refuse to believe in you.

Likgomjap's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Likgomjap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt dogs.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not trade with those who eat carrots.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching copper.