Bimflyar is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, stupid hedgehog.

Bimflyar created carbon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bimflyar, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bimflyar, it will not invite you to parties.

Bimflyar's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Bimflyar's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never speak at dawn.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching silver.

Fedquamlad is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, uncaring seal.

Fedquamlad created an electron two million years ago.

If you believe in Fedquamlad, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Fedquamlad, it will send minions to preach to you.

Fedquamlad's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Fedquamlad's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat seals with great respect.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity near squirrels while wearing mauve dresses and balancing five gold spheres on your back.

3. Never eat beans on holy days.

4. Never fashion tools from stone.

5. Never speak aloud of secrets.

Nurlmanlab is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, emotional bee.

Nurlmanlab created everything that exists four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlmanlab, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nurlmanlab, it will jump up and down on your head.

Nurlmanlab's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Nurlmanlab's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick horses.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not fashion tools from carbon.

4. Never go into indigo rooms.

5. Never carve symbols of nebulae into wood.

Cimhunbug is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, irritating badger.

Cimhunbug created the Sol system four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cimhunbug, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cimhunbug, he will ignore you.

Cimhunbug's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Cimhunbug's Holy Commandments

1. Erect six lead sculptures of Cimhunbug on top of important buildings.

2. Erect a giant cyan sculpture of Cimhunbug in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always share garlic with strangers, but never with cats.

4. Never talk about mice.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

Arpzanlarp is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, unfair horse.

Arpzanlarp created gold seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arpzanlarp, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Arpzanlarp, it will turn you into a sheep.

Arpzanlarp's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Arpzanlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from green sharks for they are unholy.

2. Always wear plain skirts during rituals.

3. Never remain standing at midnight.

4. Do not study eukaryotes on holy days.

5. Never sing in the presence of elders.

Leglargmig is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, overgenerous goat.

Leglargmig created snails two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Leglargmig, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Leglargmig, it will boil you in a big pot.

Leglargmig's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Leglargmig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep four nematodes in a large pit.

2. Never go into purple rooms.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Leglargmig.

4. Do not name children after geese.

5. Never mark doors with pink.

Stigtigrull is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, confident snail.

Stigtigrull created a charm quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Stigtigrull, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Stigtigrull, he will destroy your favourite star.

Stigtigrull's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Stigtigrull's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow dogs to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

3. Always share apples with strangers, but never with tapirs.

4. Do not kill great tits.

5. Never write about chromosomes.

Lipcebbug Fadbapstiphivdub Tinhivnull is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, tiresome armadillo.

Lipcebbug Fadbapstiphivdub Tinhivnull created the Small Magellanic Cloud six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lipcebbug Fadbapstiphivdub Tinhivnull, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Lipcebbug Fadbapstiphivdub Tinhivnull, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Lipcebbug Fadbapstiphivdub Tinhivnull's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Lipcebbug Fadbapstiphivdub Tinhivnull's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach forests carrying clay.

2. Never adorn your face with yellow markings.

3. Never fashion tools from wood.

4. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

5. Never record names.