Bandavmab is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, witty goblin.

Bandavmab created humankind five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bandavmab, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bandavmab, it will jump up and down on your head.

Bandavmab's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Bandavmab's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with brown.

2. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

3. Never travel toward the east during winter.

4. Run away if eight ants approach from the west.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

Dudzodarnfomfadfutvon is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, intelligent badger.

Dudzodarnfomfadfutvon created bats six billion years ago.

If you believe in Dudzodarnfomfadfutvon, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Dudzodarnfomfadfutvon, he will turn you into a worm.

Dudzodarnfomfadfutvon's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Dudzodarnfomfadfutvon's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about stars.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not sprint in public.

4. Always look after injured horses.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

Kikfligwit is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, vain mongoose.

Kikfligwit created the solar system four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kikfligwit, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kikfligwit, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Kikfligwit's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Kikfligwit's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not take Kikfligwit's name in vain.

3. Feed all hungry mice.

4. Never write about photosynthesis.

5. Run away from mauve snakes, for they are unholy.

Bedcisshas is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, all-knowing seal.

Bedcisshas created Europe four billion years ago.

If you believe in Bedcisshas, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bedcisshas, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Bedcisshas' most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Bedcisshas' Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of ducks.

2. Heed all visions.

3. Never record secrets.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

Pomsagfag is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, stupid bat.

Pomsagfag created an atom two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pomsagfag, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Pomsagfag, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Pomsagfag's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Pomsagfag's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

2. Never go into yellow rooms.

3. Erect a giant white sculpture of Pomsagfag in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never cross crossroads at dusk.

5. Always help pigs.

Ponpopbod is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, selfish hyena.

Ponpopbod created the world two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponpopbod, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Ponpopbod, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Ponpopbod's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Ponpopbod's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not run at crossroads.

4. Never eat rice.

5. Never play with disobedient children.

Badlikflam is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, strong bat.

Badlikflam created a Higgs boson eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Badlikflam, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Badlikflam, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Badlikflam's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Badlikflam's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain skirts during rituals.

2. Never discuss archaea in public assemblies.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not study bacteria on holy days.

5. Never speak at midday.

Gadkenjan Tikdidcetbidzog is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, happy wyrm.

Gadkenjan Tikdidcetbidzog created the Cigar Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gadkenjan Tikdidcetbidzog, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gadkenjan Tikdidcetbidzog, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Gadkenjan Tikdidcetbidzog's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Gadkenjan Tikdidcetbidzog's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention seals.

2. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never talk about thermodynamics.

4. Never wear blue dresses on sacred days.

5. Never write about fluid mechanics.