Loopmiftam is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, confident human.

Loopmiftam created a quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Loopmiftam, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Loopmiftam, he will turn you into a sheep.

Loopmiftam's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Loopmiftam's Holy Commandments

1. Erect eight nickel sculptures of Loopmiftam on top of important buildings.

2. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

3. Remain prostrate during prayer.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics near cats while wearing fawn boots and balancing three zinc spheres on your feet.

5. Always maintain purity during holy days.

Bemvedbap is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, unthinking unicorn.

Bemvedbap created a strange quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemvedbap, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bemvedbap, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Bemvedbap's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Bemvedbap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Shun those given to vanity.

3. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

4. Never fashion tools from clay.

5. Pray only in moonlight.

Zigbotbonk is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, fast armadillo.

Zigbotbonk created the Milkyway two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zigbotbonk, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zigbotbonk, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Zigbotbonk's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Zigbotbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick geese.

2. Never handle nickel while unclean.

3. Never speak at midday.

4. Do not wear titanium on your body.

5. Do not make images of living things.

Linkipleg is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, dishonourable parrot.

Linkipleg created a quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Linkipleg, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Linkipleg, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Linkipleg's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Linkipleg's Holy Commandments

1. Always help voles in need.

2. Never prepare figs during autumn.

3. Never write about asteroids.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never gather three badgers near towers.

Dag is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, effective bear.

Dag created the Andromeda Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dag, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dag, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Dag's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Dag's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

2. Never travel toward the south during summer.

3. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Dag in the centre of the settlement.

4. Hide from black hamsters for they are unholy.

5. Fast once a month.

Mintamomt is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, annoying fairy.

Mintamomt created dark matter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mintamomt, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Mintamomt, she will come to you in dreams.

Mintamomt's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Mintamomt's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about asteroids.

2. Always maintain patience during holy days.

3. Never talk about chromosomes.

4. Shun those given to cruelty.

5. Mintamomt loves turtles, so they must be respected.

Stanpopgon is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, grumpy dolphin.

Stanpopgon created the Small Magellanic Cloud seven million years ago.

If you believe in Stanpopgon, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Stanpopgon, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Stanpopgon's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Stanpopgon's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Stanpopgon.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never eat limes.

4. Always remove jumpers before entering holy places.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate manatees.

Tettifitkar is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, grumpy alligator.

Tettifitkar created the Sol system five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettifitkar, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tettifitkar, she will refuse to believe in you.

Tettifitkar's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Tettifitkar's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not place lentils upon stone.

3. Never wear purple skirts.

4. Never point your face toward the south during prayer.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.