Honwikjab is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, flying mole.

Honwikjab created silver six billion years ago.

If you believe in Honwikjab, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Honwikjab, she will destroy your favourite star.

Honwikjab's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Honwikjab's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather nine porpoises in one place.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Honwikjab loves monkeys, so they must be respected.

4. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Honwikjab in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not trade with those who eat carrots.

Monrotzanfon is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, strong pig.

Monrotzanfon created the Sunflower Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Monrotzanfon, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Monrotzanfon, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Monrotzanfon's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Monrotzanfon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not record numbers concerning black holes.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never wear turquoise coats.

5. Do not consume lemons at dawn.

Quimhanvag is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, two-faced donkey.

Quimhanvag created the Andromeda Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimhanvag, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Quimhanvag, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Quimhanvag's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Quimhanvag's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never think about fluid mechanics near dolphins while wearing green hats and balancing four lead spheres on your head.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never point your face toward the north during prayer.

Legvabnad is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, thoughtless beaver.

Legvabnad created a quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Legvabnad, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Legvabnad, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Legvabnad's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Legvabnad's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Legvabnad's priests.

2. Never go into cyan rooms.

3. Always check lakes for frogs.

4. You must pray to Legvabnad nine times a day.

5. Never speak of order in the presence of children.

Ratkonquat is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, dishonourable lion.

Ratkonquat created the world nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ratkonquat, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Ratkonquat, she will try to impress you with trees.

Ratkonquat's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Ratkonquat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching copper.

2. Never think ill of sick shrews.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never discuss amino acids in public assemblies.

5. Do not wear brown clothing.

Zimcudsaw is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, temperamental newt.

Zimcudsaw created tapeworms seven million years ago.

If you believe in Zimcudsaw, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Zimcudsaw, he will turn you into a slug.

Zimcudsaw's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Zimcudsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Zimcudsaw's name in vain.

2. Always cleanse water with water.

3. Do not hurt dolphins.

4. Remain bowed during prayer.

5. Never talk about cell theory.

Gilnadstik is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, temperamental elephant.

Gilnadstik created the planet Venus five million years ago.

If you believe in Gilnadstik, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gilnadstik, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Gilnadstik's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Gilnadstik's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather five voles in one place.

2. Never bounce in the presence of elders.

3. Run away from yellow mice, for they are unholy.

4. Never write about thermodynamics.

5. Do not laugh at forests.

Cindotdog Hadgarmifjentetti is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, compassionate gerbil.

Cindotdog Hadgarmifjentetti created carbon eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cindotdog Hadgarmifjentetti, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Cindotdog Hadgarmifjentetti, she will destroy your home planet.

Cindotdog Hadgarmifjentetti's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Cindotdog Hadgarmifjentetti's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear violet kilts.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not study bacteria on holy days.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.