Cattalcinwit Jatnarltof is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, confident wombat.

Cattalcinwit Jatnarltof created the Tadpole Galaxy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cattalcinwit Jatnarltof, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Cattalcinwit Jatnarltof, she will boil you in a big pot.

Cattalcinwit Jatnarltof's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Cattalcinwit Jatnarltof's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt eagles.

2. Never allow gulls to witness sacred rites.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Run away if nine frogs approach from the south.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

Fadkanrowdam is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, selfish raccoon.

Fadkanrowdam created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Fadkanrowdam, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Fadkanrowdam, she will boil you in a big pot.

Fadkanrowdam's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Fadkanrowdam's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if five mites approach from the south.

2. Always act with humility.

3. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Fadkanrowdam in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not contemplate gravity during the night.

5. Put Fadkanrowdam first in all things.

Jonkamyarp is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, temperamental salamander.

Jonkamyarp created silver eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonkamyarp, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jonkamyarp, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Jonkamyarp's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Jonkamyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

2. Never hop in holy places.

3. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Jonkamyarp in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not take Jonkamyarp's name in vain.

5. Remain standing during prayer.

Catrowgab Sidkomnillbod Bassaf is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, annoying wolf.

Catrowgab Sidkomnillbod Bassaf created time and space three billion years ago.

If you believe in Catrowgab Sidkomnillbod Bassaf, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Catrowgab Sidkomnillbod Bassaf, she will turn you into a tree.

Catrowgab Sidkomnillbod Bassaf's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Catrowgab Sidkomnillbod Bassaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your arms.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate squirrels.

3. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

4. Pray only in firelight.

5. Do not cook food in pots.

Kanyamman is a god.

He takes the form of a large, unselfish manatee.

Kanyamman created an electron four years ago.

If you believe in Kanyamman, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kanyamman, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Kanyamman's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Kanyamman's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about lemons.

2. Never speak the names of dwarf planets aloud.

3. Always look after injured foxes.

4. Do not dye your hair mauve.

5. Do not travel during winter.

Teengenlop is a god.

He takes the form of a large, thoughtless shrew.

Teengenlop created the planet Earth six billion years ago.

If you believe in Teengenlop, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Teengenlop, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Teengenlop's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Teengenlop's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at dwarf planets.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching copper.

3. Always make sure there are no foxes in a room before entering it.

4. Always treat sheep with great respect.

5. Erect a giant green sculpture of Teengenlop in the centre of the settlement.

Cenbassnill is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, wise warg.

Cenbassnill created the Cigar Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Cenbassnill, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Cenbassnill, it will turn you into a hamster.

Cenbassnill's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Cenbassnill's Holy Commandments

1. Always wash your neck before prayer.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never mark doors with indigo.

4. Always help birds.

5. Cenbassnill must be the most important thing in your life.

Gunfonkap is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, boastful lizard.

Gunfonkap created parasitic wasps five million years ago.

If you believe in Gunfonkap, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gunfonkap, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Gunfonkap's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Gunfonkap's Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. Never adorn your neck with black markings.

3. Do not gather at doors at dawn.

4. Never record numbers.

5. Do not count beyond nine during ceremonies.