Volcatfag is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, amazing pig.

Volcatfag created humankind six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Volcatfag, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Volcatfag, it will turn you into a frog.

Volcatfag's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Volcatfag's Holy Commandments

1. Never touch ash while unclean.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. You must never eat peanuts.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

Homkadmid is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, prudent salamander.

Homkadmid created the Tadpole Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Homkadmid, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Homkadmid, it will have a very low opinion of you.

Homkadmid's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Homkadmid's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Run away from red geese, for they are unholy.

3. Do not eat nuts.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never record names.

Hogbag is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, tiresome otter.

Hogbag created the solar system three million years ago.

If you believe in Hogbag, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hogbag, he will turn you into a goat.

Hogbag's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Hogbag's Holy Commandments

1. Always wash your chest before prayer.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never talk about gravity near goats while wearing pink shoes and balancing three copper spheres on your neck.

4. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Hogbag on top of all buildings.

5. Never eat oranges.

Gupsabxucknellflisbess is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, calm warg.

Gupsabxucknellflisbess created the cosmos eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gupsabxucknellflisbess, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gupsabxucknellflisbess, it will come to you in dreams.

Gupsabxucknellflisbess' most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Gupsabxucknellflisbess' Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Gupsabxucknellflisbess in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not name children after turtles.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never wear corsets.

5. Never talk about fluid mechanics near frogs while wearing mauve coats and balancing three gold spheres on your neck.

Getartlik is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, omnipotent mole.

Getartlik created the planet Saturn two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Getartlik, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Getartlik, she will come to you in dreams.

Getartlik's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Getartlik's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse blood with water.

2. Always treat turtles with great respect.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Getartlik in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.

Ingtunbiss is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, prudent raccoon.

Ingtunbiss created a strange quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ingtunbiss, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Ingtunbiss, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Ingtunbiss' most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Ingtunbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse ash with water.

2. Do not fashion tools from gold.

3. Never feed lots of turnips to badgers while wearing black hats.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always pray immersed in water.

Legrawbig is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, passionate wolf.

Legrawbig created the planet Mars nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Legrawbig, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Legrawbig, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Legrawbig's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Legrawbig's Holy Commandments

1. Never adorn your head with red markings.

2. Never carve symbols of comets into wood.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not wear shirts marked with black.

5. Never prepare wheat during summer.

Gunvagveg is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, smart wren.

Gunvagveg created the world two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gunvagveg, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gunvagveg, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Gunvagveg's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Gunvagveg's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never discuss bacteria in public assemblies.

3. Never mark doors with indigo.

4. Pray only in firelight.

5. Never talk about dark matter near doves while wearing violet tights and balancing seven carbon spheres on your legs.