Mif is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, annoying slug.

Mif created the Large Magellanic Cloud two years ago.

If you believe in Mif, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Mif, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Mif's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Mif's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not fashion tools from silver.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never write about bacteria.

5. Always maintain patience during days of mourning.

Gammumkikvil is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, unselfish seal.

Gammumkikvil created a charm quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gammumkikvil, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Gammumkikvil, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Gammumkikvil's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Gammumkikvil's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching titanium.

2. Do not eat carrots.

3. Never eat peanuts on fasting days.

4. Do not prepare tomatoes while wearing rings.

5. Do not step barefoot upon pink earth.

Vagflatbast is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, awe-inspiring snake.

Vagflatbast created an electron eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vagflatbast, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Vagflatbast, he will turn you into a puffin.

Vagflatbast's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Vagflatbast's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. You must never eat garlic.

3. Always help sick porpoises.

4. Erect a giant gray sculpture of Vagflatbast in the centre of the settlement.

5. Fast once a month.

Bantikken is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, stupid hamster.

Bantikken created the Virgo Supercluster eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bantikken, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bantikken, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Bantikken's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Bantikken's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if three badgers approach from the east.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always wear yellow.

4. Always help pigs in need.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics near horses while wearing red coats and balancing five zinc spheres on your hands.

Arfjanflan is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, compassionate goose.

Arfjanflan created the solar system four million years ago.

If you believe in Arfjanflan, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Arfjanflan, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Arfjanflan's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Arfjanflan's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak aloud of secrets.

2. Always help gulls in need.

3. Do not wear lead on your body.

4. Always obey Arfjanflan's priests.

5. Do not speak about carrots.

Dapbognel is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, duplicitous chicken.

Dapbognel created energy five million years ago.

If you believe in Dapbognel, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Dapbognel, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Dapbognel's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Dapbognel's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant fawn sculpture of Dapbognel in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Always wear plain jumpers during rituals.

5. Hide from black snakes for they are unholy.

Sawcitcut is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, merciful squirrel.

Sawcitcut created Africa five billion years ago.

If you believe in Sawcitcut, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Sawcitcut, it will laugh at you.

Sawcitcut's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Sawcitcut's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about quantum mechanics.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Goats are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate otters.

5. Pray towards the west.

Fodpangraw is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, blissful swan.

Fodpangraw created the Sombrero Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fodpangraw, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Fodpangraw, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Fodpangraw's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Fodpangraw's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of garlic to ants while wearing gray skirts.

2. Always act with obedience.

3. Never speak aloud of numbers.

4. Run away from purple badgers, for they are unholy.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fodpangraw.