Parksommeg is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, unthinking lobster.

Parksommeg created the Cigar Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Parksommeg, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Parksommeg, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Parksommeg's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Parksommeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sit in public.

2. Never gather five badgers near towers.

3. Do not speak of spacetime near sacred fires.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never talk about dwarf planets.

Bassvenwod is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, competent salamander.

Bassvenwod created the world nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bassvenwod, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bassvenwod, he will turn you into a plant.

Bassvenwod's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Bassvenwod's Holy Commandments

1. Never travel toward the south during spring.

2. Never pray while filled with envy.

3. You must love Bassvenwod.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Bassvenwod.

5. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

Yarlominfummot is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, idiotic eagle.

Yarlominfummot created Africa two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlominfummot, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Yarlominfummot, he will throw large rocks at you.

Yarlominfummot's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Yarlominfummot's Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. Never pray while filled with fear.

3. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Yarlominfummot on top of all buildings.

4. Erect a giant yellow sculpture of Yarlominfummot in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never cross rivers at midday.

Gepxucksas is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, witty dolphin.

Gepxucksas created the solar system four years ago.

If you believe in Gepxucksas, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Gepxucksas, he will be mildly annoyed.

Gepxucksas' most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Gepxucksas' Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse ash with water.

2. Never hurt mites.

3. Pray only in moonlight.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Always act with obedience.

Tigfen is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, proud octopus.

Tigfen created the planet Earth five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tigfen, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tigfen, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Tigfen's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Tigfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak aloud of names.

2. Never wear boots.

3. Never gather five aardvarks in one place.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never paint your chest black.

Cipvabnutt Disshubpom is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, witty cow.

Cipvabnutt Disshubpom created the universe five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cipvabnutt Disshubpom, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Cipvabnutt Disshubpom, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Cipvabnutt Disshubpom's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Cipvabnutt Disshubpom's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near eagles while wearing orange hats and balancing six iron spheres on your head.

2. Do not hurt aardvarks.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Always make sure there are no foxes in a room before entering it.

5. Run away if four mice approach from the south.

Mettitcem is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, thoughtless sheep.

Mettitcem created a photon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Mettitcem, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Mettitcem, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Mettitcem's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Mettitcem's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with obedience.

2. Never touch blood while tainted.

3. Never discuss archaea in public assemblies.

4. Never allow foxes to witness sacred rites.

5. Do not listen to music.

Cedmapdag is a god.

He takes the form of a large, dishonest hare.

Cedmapdag created a bottom quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cedmapdag, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Cedmapdag, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Cedmapdag's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Cedmapdag's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Cedmapdag's priests.

2. Never paint your feet blue.

3. Do not speak of optics near sacred fires.

4. Never eat aubergines.

5. Never laugh in holy places.