Jabhudyar is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, temperamental hamster.

Jabhudyar created humankind five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jabhudyar, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jabhudyar, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Jabhudyar's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Jabhudyar's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

2. Never touch oil while unclean.

3. Remain kneeling during prayer.

4. Do not study the inheritance of acquired characteristics on holy days.

5. Do not commit murder.

Liptifrip is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, all-powerful horse.

Liptifrip created the planet Earth seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Liptifrip, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Liptifrip, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Liptifrip's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Liptifrip's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of turnips to seals while wearing purple hats.

2. Do not consume tomatoes at dawn.

3. Always wear plain ear rings during rituals.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Always stare at clouds.

Hog is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, generous skunk.

Hog created the planet Jupiter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hog, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hog, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Hog's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Hog's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Hog on top of all buildings.

3. Do not contemplate ultrasonics during the night.

4. Erect seven silicon sculptures of Hog on top of important buildings.

5. Hide if three mice approach from the east.

Parkvogbest is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, deceitful beaver.

Parkvogbest created a bottom quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkvogbest, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Parkvogbest, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Parkvogbest's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Parkvogbest's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Never feed lots of strawberries to aardvarks while wearing black corsets.

3. Never sit in the presence of elders.

4. Do not wear nickel on your body.

5. Never look at black holes.

Quartnakcip is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, emotional octopus.

Quartnakcip created the planet Jupiter three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartnakcip, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Quartnakcip, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Quartnakcip's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Quartnakcip's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Quartnakcip.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching lead.

3. Always help monkeys.

4. Do not record signs concerning dwarf planets.

5. Never sit in spring.

Gatmutpop Hanbidbotlidmotjabvanbot is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, witless ferret.

Gatmutpop Hanbidbotlidmotjabvanbot created Europe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gatmutpop Hanbidbotlidmotjabvanbot, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gatmutpop Hanbidbotlidmotjabvanbot, she will cry a lot.

Gatmutpop Hanbidbotlidmotjabvanbot's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Gatmutpop Hanbidbotlidmotjabvanbot's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear orange tights.

2. Gatmutpop Hanbidbotlidmotjabvanbot must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always remove dresses before touching nickel.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics near shrews while wearing purple trousers and balancing seven lead spheres on your feet.

5. Always obey Gatmutpop Hanbidbotlidmotjabvanbot's priests.

Pidveenfid is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, deceitful faun.

Pidveenfid created time and space four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pidveenfid, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Pidveenfid, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Pidveenfid's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Pidveenfid's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. You must never eat onions.

4. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Always help eagles.

Vidlakcin is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, humorless newt.

Vidlakcin created the Tadpole Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vidlakcin, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Vidlakcin, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Vidlakcin's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Vidlakcin's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with humility when addressing elders.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Always help whales.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never think ill of sick tortoises.