Fonnilquaf is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, blissful dryad.

Fonnilquaf created humankind five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fonnilquaf, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fonnilquaf, he will turn you into a hamster.

Fonnilquaf's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Fonnilquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not consume aubergines at dawn.

2. Always help horses in need.

3. Never handle silver while unclean.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never approach mountains carrying ash.

Pogsitraw is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, wise wyrm.

Pogsitraw created the planet Venus three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pogsitraw, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Pogsitraw, he will laugh at you.

Pogsitraw's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Pogsitraw's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place spinach upon stone.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Never wear cyan tights on sacred days.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Erect four titanium sculptures of Pogsitraw on top of important buildings.

Gidmanqueeg is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, conceited hippopotamus.

Gidmanqueeg created gold six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gidmanqueeg, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gidmanqueeg, it will manifest in front of you.

Gidmanqueeg's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Gidmanqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from indigo hamsters, for they are unholy.

2. Worship no other gods but Gidmanqueeg.

3. Never mention grasshopers.

4. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Always cleanse water with water.

Botjadbell is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, emotional human.

Botjadbell created snails seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Botjadbell, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Botjadbell, it will not care at all.

Botjadbell's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Botjadbell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never write about stars.

4. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

5. Always maintain patience during holy days.

Tabpangget is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, wise weasel.

Tabpangget created the planet Venus four million years ago.

If you believe in Tabpangget, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tabpangget, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Tabpangget's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Tabpangget's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain humility during days of mourning.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Erect six nickel sculptures of Tabpangget on top of important buildings.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Do not keep nine ducks in a large pit.

Mipmisbast is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, competent snail.

Mipmisbast created life eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mipmisbast, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Mipmisbast, he will not care at all.

Mipmisbast's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Mipmisbast's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear trousers marked with white.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never speak at dusk.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

Zedbadgov is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, overgenerous dragon.

Zedbadgov created a down quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Zedbadgov, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Zedbadgov, he will turn you into a duck.

Zedbadgov's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Zedbadgov's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never allow ants to witness sacred rites.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always obey Zedbadgov's priests.

5. Never discuss amino acids in public assemblies.

Misguphad is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, awesome jellyfish.

Misguphad created the planet Jupiter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Misguphad, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Misguphad, she will throw large rocks at you.

Misguphad's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Misguphad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics near seals while wearing magenta boots and balancing six aluminium spheres on your face.

3. Do not take Misguphad's name in vain.

4. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never pour water over plants.