Ceptikjab is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, conceited horse.

Ceptikjab created humankind eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Ceptikjab, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Ceptikjab, it will not care at all.

Ceptikjab's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Ceptikjab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching nickel.

2. Never handle zinc while unclean.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never play with disobedient children.

Bengilzen Betbodveen is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, emotional skunk.

Bengilzen Betbodveen created Asia nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bengilzen Betbodveen, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bengilzen Betbodveen, she will boil you in a big pot.

Bengilzen Betbodveen's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Bengilzen Betbodveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never proclaim while facing east.

2. Never touch blood while unclean.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never run in the presence of ants.

5. Run away from gray sheep, for they are unholy.

Basstagsug is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, resourceful horse.

Basstagsug created carbon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Basstagsug, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Basstagsug, it will laugh at you.

Basstagsug's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Basstagsug's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill monkeys.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching titanium.

3. Always make sure there are no cats in a building before entering it.

4. Run away if six nematodes approach from the north.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.

Pomtimdin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, sage troll.

Pomtimdin created viruses nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pomtimdin, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Pomtimdin, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Pomtimdin's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Pomtimdin's Holy Commandments

1. Always help mice.

2. Heed all portents.

3. Never run in holy places.

4. Do not wear skirts marked with mauve.

5. Never think about dwarf planets.

Dadfunyogcuss is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, contented giraffe.

Dadfunyogcuss created the Virgo Supercluster four million years ago.

If you believe in Dadfunyogcuss, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Dadfunyogcuss, he will be mildly annoyed.

Dadfunyogcuss' most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Dadfunyogcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Never eat lentils.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Dadfunyogcuss.

5. Do not make images of living things.

Wotbetyamhannat Narlsisgil is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, capable badger.

Wotbetyamhannat Narlsisgil created silver five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wotbetyamhannat Narlsisgil, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Wotbetyamhannat Narlsisgil, it will turn you into a sheep.

Wotbetyamhannat Narlsisgil's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Wotbetyamhannat Narlsisgil's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove boots before entering holy places.

2. Never think about dark energy near cats while wearing yellow trousers and balancing five carbon spheres on your neck.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Always wear plain corsets during rituals.

Wontailbigbut Timgatbog Carvegont is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, stupid human.

Wontailbigbut Timgatbog Carvegont created the planet Mars two million years ago.

If you believe in Wontailbigbut Timgatbog Carvegont, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Wontailbigbut Timgatbog Carvegont, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Wontailbigbut Timgatbog Carvegont's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Wontailbigbut Timgatbog Carvegont's Holy Commandments

1. Never discuss chromosomes in public assemblies.

2. Never go into mauve rooms.

3. Always share peanuts with strangers, but never with snakes.

4. Never whisper while facing east.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.

Abrullstragloploopbesszaksag is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, omniscient aardvark.

Abrullstragloploopbesszaksag created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Abrullstragloploopbesszaksag, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Abrullstragloploopbesszaksag, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Abrullstragloploopbesszaksag's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Abrullstragloploopbesszaksag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt eagles.

2. Always act with humility.

3. Feed all hungry cats.

4. Never paint your legs red.

5. Do not study amino acids on holy days.