Pangzakven is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, dishonourable capybara.

Pangzakven created matter six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pangzakven, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Pangzakven, he will remove you from existence.

Pangzakven's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Pangzakven's Holy Commandments

1. Always help mites.

2. Pangzakven loves squirrels, so they must be respected.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Pangzakven.

4. Hide if eight shrews approach from the west.

5. You must love Pangzakven.

Yamponcattonk is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, ill-tempered cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Yamponcattonk created the Sol system nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Yamponcattonk, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Yamponcattonk, she will turn you into a frog.

Yamponcattonk's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Yamponcattonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Yamponcattonk's priests.

2. Always count to five before sleeping.

3. Do not hurt mice.

4. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never talk about dark matter.

Nurtbasstitont is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, humorless ant.

Nurtbasstitont created an up quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurtbasstitont, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nurtbasstitont, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Nurtbasstitont's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Nurtbasstitont's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of quantum mechanics near sacred fires.

2. Never mark doors with white.

3. Never mix limes with oil.

4. Always treat grasshopers with great respect.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nurtbasstitont.

Sittim is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, tiresome dugong.

Sittim created energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Sittim, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Sittim, she will turn you into a frog.

Sittim's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Sittim's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never allow doves to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not speak about corn.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force near seals while wearing brown tights and balancing four copper spheres on your arms.

Yarzennulcud is a god.

She takes the form of a small, conceited narwhal.

Yarzennulcud created the universe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarzennulcud, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Yarzennulcud, she will turn you into a hamster.

Yarzennulcud's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Yarzennulcud's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of melons to bats while wearing purple tights.

2. Yarzennulcud must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Worship no other gods but Yarzennulcud.

4. Erect four nickel sculptures of Yarzennulcud on top of important buildings.

5. Do not gather at towers at midday.

Fumwapnil is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, merciless fly.

Fumwapnil created bats six billion years ago.

If you believe in Fumwapnil, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fumwapnil, it will remove you from existence.

Fumwapnil's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Fumwapnil's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into orange rooms.

2. Do not consume carrots at dawn.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never talk about planets.

Kapontgud is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, ruthless mole.

Kapontgud created Europe five million years ago.

If you believe in Kapontgud, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kapontgud, it will make you grow a tail.

Kapontgud's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Kapontgud's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Kapontgud's priests.

2. Never discuss evolution by means of natural selection in public assemblies.

3. Do not prepare garlic while wearing shorts.

4. Never mark doors with violet.

5. Never write about cell theory.

Gamwiphiv is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, awesome dove.

Gamwiphiv created the planet Mars nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gamwiphiv, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Gamwiphiv, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Gamwiphiv's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Gamwiphiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your feet.

2. Always wash your arms before prayer.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Always obey Gamwiphiv's priests.

5. Always cleanse ash with water.