Zimkanfarn is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, omnipotent gerbil.

Zimkanfarn created an up quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimkanfarn, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Zimkanfarn, she will jump up and down on your head.

Zimkanfarn's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Zimkanfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate grasshopers.

3. Do not take Zimkanfarn's name in vain.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

Quatmadcip is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, uncaring swallow.

Quatmadcip created the Sombrero Galaxy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quatmadcip, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quatmadcip, he will manifest in front of you.

Quatmadcip's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Quatmadcip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from wood.

2. Always treat horses with great respect.

3. Snakes are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not record secrets concerning nebulae.

5. Do not cook food in pots.

Godrutnib is a god.

He takes the form of a large, effective crane.

Godrutnib created the Cigar Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Godrutnib, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Godrutnib, he will send minions to preach to you.

Godrutnib's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Godrutnib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Godrutnib in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never cross mountains at midday.

Hogfednatflabtun is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, moody crocodile.

Hogfednatflabtun created time and space three million years ago.

If you believe in Hogfednatflabtun, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hogfednatflabtun, she will turn you into a rat.

Hogfednatflabtun's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Hogfednatflabtun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond three during ceremonies.

2. Do not speak of electromagnetism near sacred fires.

3. Hogfednatflabtun must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.

Gidjad Meglaklip is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, idiotic yak.

Gidjad Meglaklip created the Milkyway three million years ago.

If you believe in Gidjad Meglaklip, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gidjad Meglaklip, she will turn you into a puffin.

Gidjad Meglaklip's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Gidjad Meglaklip's Holy Commandments

1. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never think ill of sick eagles.

4. Do not fashion tools from silver.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate rats.

Cabsidnig is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, competent lobster.

Cabsidnig created the planet Earth eight million years ago.

If you believe in Cabsidnig, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Cabsidnig, she will laugh at you.

Cabsidnig's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Cabsidnig's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about chromosomes.

2. Do not prepare strawberries while wearing kilts.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near dolphins while wearing indigo trousers and balancing six silver spheres on your head.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not wear jumpers marked with black.

Mipsawhak is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, slow porpoise.

Mipsawhak created carbon nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Mipsawhak, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Mipsawhak, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Mipsawhak's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Mipsawhak's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

2. Never travel toward the north during spring.

3. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Always obey Mipsawhak's priests.

Abfubsan Fedvilnan is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, sapient donkey.

Abfubsan Fedvilnan created dark energy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Abfubsan Fedvilnan, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Abfubsan Fedvilnan, he will turn you into a rock.

Abfubsan Fedvilnan's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Abfubsan Fedvilnan's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak of chaos in the presence of elders.

2. Hide if six rats approach from the west.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

4. Never think ill of sick turtles.

5. Do not prepare strawberries while filled with pride.