Tamhabcutzag is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, quiet goblin.

Tamhabcutzag created a quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tamhabcutzag, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tamhabcutzag, it will turn you into a hamster.

Tamhabcutzag's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Tamhabcutzag's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather seven ducks in one place.

2. Do not leap at forests.

3. Never speak the names of black holes aloud.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tamhabcutzag.

5. Always wear cyan.

Ominbogdibbess is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, deceitful hedgehog.

Ominbogdibbess created dark energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ominbogdibbess, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ominbogdibbess, it will destroy your home planet.

Ominbogdibbess' most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Ominbogdibbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with pride.

2. Never run in holy places.

3. Erect three silicon sculptures of Ominbogdibbess on top of important buildings.

4. You must never eat onions.

5. Never eat green fruit.

Hotwityarl is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, ruthless cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Hotwityarl created tapeworms two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotwityarl, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hotwityarl, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Hotwityarl's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Hotwityarl's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross rivers at dusk.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not kill otters.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never play with disobedient children.

Tifarfbast is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, flying giraffe.

Tifarfbast created matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tifarfbast, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tifarfbast, she will destroy your home planet.

Tifarfbast's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Tifarfbast's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep seven foxes in a large pit.

2. Tapirs are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Always treat capybaras with great respect.

5. Never approach rivers carrying ash.

Gomquagsag is a god.

She takes the form of a large, selfish rhinoceros.

Gomquagsag created the Tadpole Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gomquagsag, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gomquagsag, she will destroy your home planet.

Gomquagsag's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Gomquagsag's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lentils to sheep while wearing shorts.

2. Gomquagsag must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Erect five silicon sculptures of Gomquagsag on top of important buildings.

4. Never bounce in holy places.

5. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

Dissbid is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, prudent hamster.

Dissbid created dark matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dissbid, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Dissbid, he will turn you into a mole.

Dissbid's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Dissbid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never carve symbols of planets into wood.

4. Never feed lots of garlic to horses while wearing turquoise skirts.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.

Listhenboss is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, witty giraffe.

Listhenboss created energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Listhenboss, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Listhenboss, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Listhenboss' most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Listhenboss' Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse ash with water.

2. Never handle lead while unclean.

3. Do not speak of optics near sacred fires.

4. Do not dye your hair black.

5. Never approach rivers carrying bone.

Fenzenvagcar is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, humorless dolphin.

Fenzenvagcar created water five million years ago.

If you believe in Fenzenvagcar, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Fenzenvagcar, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Fenzenvagcar's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Fenzenvagcar's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove jumpers before touching gold.

2. Do not place rice upon stone.

3. Always make sure there are no dolphins in a room before entering it.

4. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.