Fotcunxem is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, unfair raven.

Fotcunxem created the planet Earth four billion years ago.

If you believe in Fotcunxem, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Fotcunxem, it will be very sad.

Fotcunxem's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Fotcunxem's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fotcunxem.

4. Do not speak sacred words in winter.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

Xuccanman is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, pitiless monkey.

Xuccanman created an electron two years ago.

If you believe in Xuccanman, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Xuccanman, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Xuccanman's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Xuccanman's Holy Commandments

1. Never travel toward the south during summer.

2. Never carve symbols of galaxies into wood.

3. Always act with purity when addressing children.

4. Never gather five pigs near walls.

5. Never think ill of sick snakes.

Kimgetbig is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, bad-tempered wren.

Kimgetbig created dark energy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimgetbig, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kimgetbig, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Kimgetbig's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Kimgetbig's Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Remain prostrate during prayer.

4. Never fashion tools from stone.

5. Never gather eight moths near towers.

Linboparm is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, charitable pig.

Linboparm created the Sun nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Linboparm, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Linboparm, she will not invite you to parties.

Linboparm's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Linboparm's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never wear coats.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not dye your hair mauve.

Mobpitton is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, able turtle.

Mobpitton created dark energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Mobpitton, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Mobpitton, it will turn you into a frog.

Mobpitton's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Mobpitton's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near whales while wearing indigo shorts.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

4. Never paint your feet yellow.

5. Do not consume peanuts at dawn.

Dunbityat Tipratbissdun is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, weak yak.

Dunbityat Tipratbissdun created the planet Earth seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dunbityat Tipratbissdun, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Dunbityat Tipratbissdun, it will ignore you.

Dunbityat Tipratbissdun's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Dunbityat Tipratbissdun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate quantum field theory during the night.

2. Always wash your hands before prayer.

3. Never gather five porpoises in one place.

4. Never think about quantum gravity.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

Pitsisren is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, impressive cat.

Pitsisren created the Tadpole Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Pitsisren, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Pitsisren, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Pitsisren's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Pitsisren's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Do not study bacteria on holy days.

3. Do not take Pitsisren's name in vain.

4. Never talk about special relativity near seals while wearing violet jumpers and balancing three titanium spheres on your hands.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

Yartflapzan is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, staggering squirrel.

Yartflapzan created an electron five billion years ago.

If you believe in Yartflapzan, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Yartflapzan, he will turn you into a goat.

Yartflapzan's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Yartflapzan's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat beans.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.

5. Never paint your legs purple.