Dummintonkpang is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, ruthless ferret.

Dummintonkpang created viruses six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dummintonkpang, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Dummintonkpang, she will have a low opinion of you.

Dummintonkpang's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Dummintonkpang's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.

2. Never go into brown rooms.

3. Do not resist balance.

4. Retreat if four cats approach from the north.

5. Run away if eight capybaras approach from the south.

Bastwadcit is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, all-knowing spider.

Bastwadcit created Asia five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bastwadcit, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bastwadcit, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Bastwadcit's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Bastwadcit's Holy Commandments

1. Shun those given to sloth.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never wear green tights on sacred days.

4. Do not fashion sacred items from wood.

5. Do not step barefoot upon white earth.

Yartgamapp is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, idiotic crab.

Yartgamapp created Europe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartgamapp, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Yartgamapp, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Yartgamapp's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Yartgamapp's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Yartgamapp.

2. Never chant in the presence of elders.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching nickel.

4. Hide from brown dolphins for they are unholy.

5. Yartgamapp loves badgers, so they must be honoured.

Faglistlat is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, astonishing zebra.

Faglistlat created tapeworms three billion years ago.

If you believe in Faglistlat, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Faglistlat, it will turn you into a frog.

Faglistlat's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Faglistlat's Holy Commandments

1. Remain bowed during prayer.

2. Always obey Faglistlat's priests.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Erect five zinc sculptures of Faglistlat on top of important buildings.

Sigwaprull is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, sage lizard.

Sigwaprull created light eight million years ago.

If you believe in Sigwaprull, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Sigwaprull, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Sigwaprull's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Sigwaprull's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

2. Never remain standing at dawn.

3. Heed all dreams.

4. Do not count beyond seven during ceremonies.

5. Never pray while filled with envy.

Stafdossfom is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, stupid dragon.

Stafdossfom created everything that exists six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafdossfom, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Stafdossfom, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Stafdossfom's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Stafdossfom's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with black.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Always help sick birds.

4. Never cross forests at midnight.

5. Never stain your arms with blue.

Gamtitbapcip is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, self-confident fox.

Gamtitbapcip created a strange quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gamtitbapcip, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gamtitbapcip, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Gamtitbapcip's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Gamtitbapcip's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Gamtitbapcip nine times a day.

2. Never talk about eukaryotes.

3. Never carve symbols of galaxies into wood.

4. Never cross mountains at midday.

5. Never talk about capybaras.

Lad is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, tiresome hare.

Lad created the Sun seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lad, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lad, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Lad's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Lad's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing near goats.

2. Do not consume nuts at dawn.

3. Do not gather at walls at midnight.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ants.

5. Never laugh in winter.